Imagine the basic Texas Chainsaw/Blair Witch formula, where five college kids go out into the woods for a vacation in an old cabin, meeting a few eccentric townies along the way and ending up with less than pleasant results. But this time there’s no talk about, “Did you hear the old story of what happened here?” or “Look out, some crazy stuff has happened here before!” That’s because the killer is impossible to see, and almost impossible to avoid.

After brilliantly intense opening credits, Cabin Fever starts with a man in the woods finding his dog is dead. When he investigates the corpse he gets blood all over himself. Cut to five college students bursting out of school, ready for a fun trip out to the woods staying in an old cabin. After running into a hand-biting kid and some weird older men in a convenience store, they settle down in the cabin and have a campfire, go swimming, and one particularly dim kid goes squirrel hunting with a BB gun. He accidentally shoots someone, who we see is the man whose dog died, and who is now a bloody mess with some sort of flesh-eating disease. Terrified, the kid runs back to the cabin, but the man follows him and disrupts the area near the cabin, battering and spewing blood all over their car before getting chased away with a fire. So the kids try to call the police, walk through the woods searching for help, and try to fix and clean up the car. But one by one they break out in a disgusting, bloody, rash disease, and there appears to be no way to stop it…

Until the very end of the movie, we don’t know how the kids get the disease. That makes Cabin Fever all the more terrifying, for every time someone touches someone who’s infected, drinks the local water, or gets blood on them we can only cringe and wait to see if their flesh will start decaying. The people start to change before our very eyes, physically and horribly, but also as they get panic stricken they begin to change their behavior, taking desperate measures just to stay alive, sometimes irrationally. It’s scary enough for suspense fans, gory enough for slasher fans, and wonderfully shot and written by Eli Roth, David Lynch’s former researcher who makes his debut, as well as an amusing cameo. Roth benefits from frequent Lynch collaborator Angelo Badalamenti’s score, and the viewer benefits from Roth’s storytelling skills and pull-no-punches direction. This is for horror fans only, but they will find this one of the best horror movies of the year.

It should be noted that Lion’s Gate Picture, which distributed Cabin Fever, is also responsible for this year’s debuts of horror writer/directors Lucky McKee and Rob Zombie, and appears to have become a breeding ground for new horror classics. Fans of that genre shouldn’t miss Cabin Fever.

Parents should know that this film contains foul language, two graphic sex scenes, drug use, and R-rated gore and violence. There is also a racial slur that is given an interesting twist at the end.

Most similar horror films have a scene where one of the characters tells a scary story similar to what’s about to happen, to set the stage. Cabin Fever tweaks that convention by having someone tell a story about a bowling-alley murderer that has little to do with the movie. Families may want to discuss why that’s there, the role of the convenience store workers and the local deputy, and the enduring appeal of horror stories, going back to the days when telling stories around the campfire was the primary form of entertainment.

People who enjoy this movie might want to try the original gory vacation tale The Texas Chainsaw Massacre or the contagious disease-related Outbreak.

Director Ridley Scott (Gladiator, Thelma and Louise, Blade Runner) has assembled the ingredients in this movie like a perfectly iced martini that is stirred, not shaken. The result is dry but refreshing — and with a kick.

Nicolas Cage plays Roy, who is so proud of his ability to entice money from unsuspecting marks that he prefers to be referred to not as a con man but a “con artist,” specializing in the “short con,” the quick and simple cheat that does not require an elaborate set-up. But his conflicts about his success have left him feeling even more uneasy than he is willing to admit.

As a result, he has displaced his sense of guilt and has become ticcy and obsessive-compulsive, repeating motions, scrubbing windows, afraid of the outdoors. His source for the illegal drugs he had been using to control the symptoms disappeared, so his partner, Frank (Sam Rockwell) recommends a psychiatrist (Bruce Altman). In order to get the doctor to prescribe medication, Roy agrees to therapy. This leads him to explore unresolved issues from his past, including his longing for the child he never met. When his wife left him, she was pregnant. Fourteen years later, he does not know if she had a boy or girl or where they are.

The doctor helps Roy find his daughter, Angela (Alison Lohman). He is overwhelmed and deeply touched by her open-heartedness. And when she is fascinated by his skill as a con artist and when she shows that she has inherited it, he is very proud but also a little horrified. He wants something better for her than what he has had. He wants to be better for her than he has been. Maybe the thing to do is one last “long con” and then he and Angela can live happily ever after. But, as Roy tells Angela, the challenge for a con artist is being ready for things that you did not plan.

We see Roy using his best line on a mark: “What could be more important than family?” It is one of the movie’s uses of duality that he will find out what that question truly means. And when he tells Angela to be as open and honest with her mark as she can be, it is clear to both of them that open and honest is not his speciality, that he has conned for so long he may not know how to do anything else. The man who could not bear to have a shoe touch his carpet ends up making the biggest mess of all.

Altman is excellent, Lohman and Rockwell are both impeccable, but Cage is mesmerizing. His performance perfectly matches Scott’s direction, both exploring the movie’s multi-layered themes of conflict, betrayal, counterpoint, inversion, imperatives, and longing. This is a movie about con games at every level; characters con each other and con themselves.

And of course the ultimate con artist here is the movie itself. Some audience members will think there is at least one twist too many, and others will find that the pieces do not hold together as well as they might like. But others will appreciate its superb performances and story-telling, as cool as cocktail music.

Parents should know that the movie includes violence with some graphic injuries. Characters use strong language, drink, smoke, and self-medicate. There are some sexual references. And of course the main characters lie, cheat, and steal.

Families who see this movie should talk about how Roy’s failure to be honest with himself and the people he stole from may have led to his symptoms. How did Angela change his life? How did he change hers?

Families who enjoy this movie will also enjoy The Sting and As Good as it Gets.

I guess if there really was a story or characters in this movie, the violence might be too disturbing.

But Robert Rodriguez, who not only wrote and directed this movie but also “shot, chopped, and scored” it, too, doesn’t so much omit story and character as transcend them. This is a kinetic and voluptuous pulp fantasia, a mythic nightmare pastiche of stylish slaughter, featuring twisted iconic figures destroying each other and just about everything else in sight with a lot of flair.

It is the third in the series that began with the $7000 “El Mariachi” and continued with the quasi-remake/sequel “Desperado.” Or, it’s more like the 3 1/2, as Rodriguez has said that he wants this to be more like a 4th in the series, with flashbacks to provide just a hint of the episode we missed.

If I had to explain the story, it would be something like this: Everyone shoots everyone else outdoors. Everyone shoots everyone else indoors. Lots more people shoot other people.

But boy oh boy, they sure do it with a lot of style. Imagine an R-rated Roadrunner cartoon with Acme bazookas and flamethrowers, and you’ll get some idea of what’s in store. This is the kind of movie where a rogue CIA agent played by Johnny Depp asks someone, “Are you a Mexi-CAN or a Mexi-CAN’T?,” kills a chef because he made a pork dish too well and therefore threw off the balance of the universe, and wears a t-shirt that says, “I’m with stupid” with the drawing of a hand pointing not sideways but down. This is the kind of movie where a sensationally beautiful woman reveals her magnificent thigh when she reaches back to grab a handful of knives from her garter and then flings them to take down a bunch of bad guys who are aiming their guns at her husband. A $10,000 payoff is presented in a Clash of the Titans lunchbox. Blood splatters on the camera lens. A guitar case contains an arsenal. And lots and lots and lots of stuff gets blown up.

Rodriguez is indisputably a masterful film-maker. He fills the screen with lots to look at and no one is better at creating propulsive energy through striking images, brilliantly edited. Depp, Banderas, and Hayek are all sensational. Pop star Enrique Iglesias makes a very respectable acting debut and Eva Mendes is very fine as an FBI agent who wants more.

This film is worth watching just as an education in how to shoot and edit. Someday, perhaps, Rodriguez will become more of a story-teller. In the meantime, the film is very entertaining for anyone who does not object to the carnage, and a must-see for fans of hard-core action.

Parents should know that the movie has constant extremely graphic and intense violence. It is so over-the-top it is hard to take seriously, but still may be upsetting to some viewers. There are many character deaths, including a mother and her child. One character has his eyes gauged out and one has his knees shot out. There are scenes showing very grisly plastic surgery. Characters use extremely strong language. There is drinking and smoking and references to a drug cartel.

Families who see this movie should talk about its portrayal of violence compared to a more realistic approach in movies like Saving Private Ryan. Families who enjoy this movie will also enjoy El Mariachi and Desperado.

Oh, there are so many things wrong with this movie.

First, it is very badly written. The story is not good and the dialogue is not good. It is about a “sin eater” who performs a relic ceremony from a discredited Catholic sect that expiates the sins of a dying person with a ritual that includes eating a piece of bread that was placed on the person’s chest just before death. This provides many opportunities for boring and pretentiously portenteous dialogue that sounds like a bad parody: “You surpass even the Jesuits in your heretical search for knowledge,” or “Knowledge is the enemy of faith,” or “We’re the Catholic Pete, Linc, and Julie.” Yep, we can always use a “Mod Squad” reference in what is supposed to be a dark and disturbing gothic thriller.

Second, it does not look good. Scenes are either washed out or too dark. Settings feature the typical crumbling manuscripts and dripping candles, a decaying mansion, an underground lair, a graveyard at midnight. A pair of silent children are supposed to look threatening, but they just look like a Keene painting. The female lead (Shannyn Sossamon as Mara) wears awful clothes that look like they were made from 1960’s bedsheets.

Third, there is no energy to move the narrative along, dissapating any tension and providing much too much time to dwell on the logical inconsistencies.

Fourth, there is a priest in this movie whose affectionate nickname for another priest is “Spaghettio.” I believe that is all that needs to be said.

Parents should know that the movie has a lot of peril and violence, some very graphic, including suicide and murder. There is brief strong language. There is a moderately explicit sexual situation with some nudity. Some audience members will be offended by the portrayal of the Catholic church and the behavior of the priests and a cardinal. Some may also be offended by the idea of the sin eaters, believing that sins should only be expiated through sincere atonement and not through some spiritual “get out of jail free” card.

Families who see this movie should talk about their notion of expiation of sin. How will Alex’s life differ from William’s? Families might also want to talk about Father Tom’s view of the importance of laughter.

Families who appreciate this movie will also appreciate The Name of the Rose.

“Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star” just isn’t a very funny movie. At best, audiences who don’t think too much will laugh once or twice then forget the whole thing before they reach the door of the theater.

This is yet another in the increasingly inert and generic assembly line created by Adam Sandler for SNL alums like Rob Schneider. It has Sandler’s “Happy Madison” production company trademarks: lame middle-school-style jokes that seem racy to younger kids and stuck-in-the-80’s humor for older viewers who, like Sandler, suffer from arrested development.

The SNL-alum of choice in this one is David Spade as a former child star trying to make a comeback. But it fails to take advantage of Spade’s snarky sensibility, relying mostly on the stunt casting of real-life faded child stars to make the audience feel smugly superior to the people who were once featured on their lunch boxes and locker posters.

Dickie Roberts was the son of an overbearing mother who pushed him to be the child star of a hugely successful TV show called The Glimmer Gang, complete with a precious tagline (“This is nucking futs!”—cute, huh?) that propelled him into stardom and had him washed up by the time he was seven. Now he’s fighting to get back in the picture, starting with a pitiful celebrity boxing match where he gets his butt kicked by “Webster” (Emmanuel Lewis).

Dickie begs director Rob Reiner to cast him in a role that Sean Penn is competing for about a guy building a big house who finds Heaven in his backyard.

When Reiner tells Dickie that he’s unsuitable for the part because he has no idea of what it’s like to have a normal childhood, Dickie puts an ad in the paper to find a family that will let him move into their house and live like a kid, as one character says, to “reboot him like a computer.”

He’s adopted by the father (Craig Bierko) of a picturesque American family. Mommy (Mary McCormack) and the two kids (Scott Terra and Jenna Boyd) don’t really like him at first, but…you know the rest.

Of course the premise makes no sense, but then the way it’s carried out doesn’t make any sense either. It’s just a string of listless skits. The movie feels haphazard and thrown together, with a bike-riding scene that ends up like a Jackass stunt and a disturbingly Oedipal “your mom’s hot” running joke. Just to show how lazy this film is, when Dickie gets back on the scene, instead of writing something funny, they use use old footage of David Spade on Jay Leno’s show, on the cover of Rolling Stone, and performing with Aerosmith. Or maybe that was in hopes of reminding us that despite this movie, David Spade is actually a pretty cool guy.

There are a few moments that remind you how talented Spade is, particularly when he spouts off smart-aleck remarks, but they are more suitable for stand-up routines than for depiction on screen with other actors. His insults to some school bullies would be funnier if we didn’t see him actually using that language to people who are, after all, children. The movie seems to applaud him not just for for crudely insulting children, but also for making a fake 911 call and giving someone the finger.

Episodes like giving a bath to a dead rabbit, applauding “Mom” for rudely telling off an imperious neighbor, the exchange of a kidney transplant for an audition, and hitting someone in the head with a champagne cork are sour and weird.

It’s impossible not to get the feeling that the real-life Spade, the co-writer and star, is closer to the twisted Dickie at the beginning of the movie than the loving family man of the end. The way he wastes the talents of Jon Lovitz (as Dickie’s agent), McCormack, Bierko, SNL’s Rachel Dratch, Brendan Fraser, and former child star Alyssa Milano, and his inability to interact with anyone else on screen just demonstrates that Spade is as self-absorbed as Dickie is.

Ultimately, though, the movie’s lame humor is less painful than the supposedly touching material about how love is all that really matters.

In a sense, it may seem almost kind to give cameos to all the former child stars, given this reminder of how empty their lives can feel when they are no longer adorable. But there is something un-funnily awkward about seeing them debase themselves in this movie just for another shot at an audience and a paycheck. And there is some irony that by far the brighest moments of the movie come from one of its child stars — Boyd has a lovely comic snap and gives the most genuine perfomance in the film.

Parents should know that this film contains very strong language for a PG-13, including crude humor, alcohol and drug references, a child’s use of a swear word portrayed as funny, and a joke about Jesus that some people will find offensive.

Families who see this movie should talk about some of their favorite child stars and what they would and would not like about being famous.

Families who enjoy this movie should try Back to School or watch Spade shine with the late Chris Farley in Tommy Boy.