It’s the classic anxiety dream — embarrassing yourself in front of the whole class on the first day of school. Now imagine that instead of being called upon to answer some question about the summer reading, you’ve been brought onstage to demonstrate your super-power. And you don’t have one. And the teacher who thinks you do have superpowers asks for a car to be dropped on you to demonstrate those powers.

That’s the fate of Will Stronghold (Michael Angarano of “Will and Grace” and The Lords of Dogtown). His parents are the greatest superheroes in the world. Their secret identities are suburban realtors, but in reality they are The Commander (Kurt Russell) and Jetstream (Kelly Preston). He is superstrong, she can fly, and together they can defeat any giant robot, monster, or evil villain. They are excited about having Will attend their alma mater, Sky High, the school for the children of superheroes, and look forward to having him join them as a force for good. Will’s feelings about all of this are mixed. He’s proud of his parents, and he wants them to be proud of him. But he is also a teenager, which means he finds the whole thing more than a little embarrassing. “You see the defenders of the planet. I see my dad in red tights.”

Will’s best friend is Layla (pre-Raphael-ite beauty Danielle Panabaker). She has a pacifist/vegetarian outlook and the superpowers to go with it — she can make plants grow and do pretty much whatever else she wants them to. All the other kids seem to have grown into their powers. As the freshmen demonstrate what they can do, they are classified on the basis of their powers as either ***HERO*** or sidekick (sometimes referred to by the politically correct as “hero support”).

When Will is unable to demonstrate any powers at all, he is designated as a sidekick. He asks the school nurse (Cloris Leachman) when his powers might show up, and she tells him that while kids exposed to radiation or dunked in toxic waste get their powers the next day (“Or, they die”), kids with one or both superhero parents grow into theirs…usually. In at least one case, the child of superheroes never developed any powers whatsoever. Now he’s Sky High’s school bus driver.

Will likes his friends in the “hero support” class but he is afraid to let his parents down by telling them the truth. There are some bullies in the “hero” group who are giving him a hard time. Will is dazzled by a beautiful senior girl and doesn’t know if she even notices him. In other words, it’s just a typical high school, except the students can fly, freeze things, stretch like a rubber band, turn into a huge rock guy, melt into a puddle, become a one-girl cheerleading squad, or burst into flames.

Oh, and that flame guy? Even when he’s not literally smouldering, he seems to be. Turns out his father was a villain sent to jail by the Commander. So he’s waiting for the right moment to get some payback.

This is a great set-up and it really delivers, with a clever and perceptive script that is one of the best of the year for any-age audience. The dialogue is geniunely witty and, like Harry Potter, The Incredibles, and Spy Kids, the story makes the best possible use of its situation by putting the perils of adolescence and the pressures of family life on the same level with fights against monsters and giant robots and bad guys who want to take over the world. There really isn’t that much of a difference between a high school that classifies everyone as “hero” or “sidekick” and your average, every-day middle or high school with its intricately stratified in-crowd/out-crowd social hierarchy. And Will’s uncertainty about his superpowers is no different from any teenager’s feelings about assuming the “powers” of the grown-up world. All of this is handled with energy and good humor and a lot of panache.

Russell and Preston are perfect as loving parents who happen to be superheroes and as superheroes who happen to be parents. The young stars are all terrific, especially newcomer Steven Strait as the flame guy (named Warren Peace), Panabaker, Angarano, and Mary Elizabeth Winstead as the senior girl Will likes. They get great support from Leachman and from former Kids in the Hall castmates Dave Foley (A Bug’s Life, as a sidetracked sidekick and Kevin McDonald are the teachers, along with Lynda (“Wonder Woman”) Carter as the principal and cult hero Bruce Campbell as coach “Sonic” Boom.

The action sequences are fun without being too frightening (with one possible exception) and no one gets hurt. Even the bad guy is not too bad, with the worst of the dastardly deeds deliciously silly, not scary. It’s funny and fun and the best family movie of the summer.

Parents should know that the movie has some cartoon-style violence and peril. While no one gets hurt, some younger children might be frightened by some scenes, especially involving fire. It also includes some mild language, some potty humor and some teen kisses.

Families who see this movie should talk about why it was hard for Will to tell his parents the truth. What can you do about groups in school who think they are better than other people?

Families who enjoy this movie will also enjoy Spy Kids, the Harry Potter movies, and The Incredibles. They may also enjoy My Bodyguard, the story of a new kid in school who has to deal with a bully.

The Movie Mom wants to make it clear that this film is not for children or for most adults. It is unrated for its graphic depiction of violence, including sexual violence and torture, strong language, substance abuse, and anything else they could think of to shock and disturb. For those who find that sort of content appealing, and especially for those parents whose teenagers want to see the movie, I hereby turn the review over to my college age son, a horror fan:

If film reviews are meant to make the reader decide whether or not they want to see a movie, then reviewing “The Devil’s Rejects” is rather pointless. Anyone who knows anything about this movie and wants to see it should go at once, and everyone else will know to avoid it. Chances are the critical response to “Devil’s Rejects” will have no effect on its box office gross or future cult status. That being said, for those who love horror, “The Devil’s Rejects” is pretty damn great.

Picking up three years after where writer/director/rock star Rob Zombie’s debut, House of 1,000 Corpses, left off, the family of killers/torturers (including Bill Moseley, Zombie’s wife Sheri Moon, and Leslie Easterbrook replacing Karen Black from the first film) now dubbed “the devil’s rejects” by the media. Psychologically disturbed Sheriff Wydell (William Forsythe), whose Lieutenant brother had his brains blown out in the first film, is perusing them relentlessly, from engaging in a shootout at the film’s beginning to bringing in a movie critic to find out why the family have taken their names from characters played by Groucho Marx.

The Devil’s Rejects, meanwhile, are looking for a place to hide and torturing various parties along the way, most memorably a traveling band called Banjo and Sullivan.

Overall, The Devil’s Rejects is much darker than House of 1,000 Corpses. It is much more violent and replaces much of House’s humor with genuine chills. The humor is still very much intact, from darkly funny killings to the way the Devil’s Rejects interact (the gruff Otis Driftwood, the sexy Baby Firefly, and the fantastically repulsive Captain Spaulding), but The Devil’s Rejects’ unpredictability and lack of boundaries put me on the edge of my seat for much of the film.

Like Quentin Tarantino, Rob Zombie unabashedly loves loud rock music, comic books, grisly B-movies, and overall trash culture. Similarly, Zombie’s movies feature several B-movie stars only hardcore movie buffs would know (including the frequently Tarantino-cast Sid Haig) and inspired musical choices (you may never think of “Free Bird” the same way after this), although his movies never pretend to be the artistic triumphs that are Tarantino’s.

Zombie also contributes to each of the aforementioned fields. In addition to being part of one of the most popular metal acts in the world, he is a prominent creator of several comic books and graphic novels (not to mention animating the unforgettable hallucination sequence in The Beavis and Butthead movie), and has now written, produced, and directed two of the best horror flicks in recent years. His ability to play with the audience’s dread and anticipation, as well as his wildly original visuals’ seamless mix of hardcore grisly material and sharp humor have made him one of America’s best horror directors. Zombie’s name may soon be mentioned with those of his heroes, including Roger Corman, George Romero, and Russ Meyers.

People who enjoy this movie should check out House of 1,000 Corpses, as well as some of Zombie’s influences, including the original versions of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Dawn of the Dead.

The Devil’s Rejects is rated R for strong, graphic, almost nonstop violence, including torture and sexual abuse, pervasive strong language, strong, graphic sexual content, and drug use.

Those out there who are still hoping for Lloyd Dobler to stand outside their window holding up a boombox playing “In Your Eyes” may be glad to hear that a movie that tries to be Say Anything, Part 2: After the Divorce has now been released. It tries, that is, but it doesn’t come close.

This movie begins by introducing us to two recently divorced sweethearts who are clearly Destined For Each Other but it has to take them an entire movie to figure that out or it would be over before we finished our popcorn.

Sarah (Diane Lane) is just about perfect in every way, with one of those “Oh, am I beautiful? I didn’t notice because I was so busy being warm-hearted and sensitive and enjoying my huge beautiful house that would in real life cost about 20 times my salary as a kindergarten teacher” vibes. Jake (John Cusack) is pretty close to perfect, too. His vibe is more like, “I’m so sensitive and romantic that I can hardly bear to try again.” He constantly rewatches Doctor Zhivago, so we know he’s tender-hearted. But he also wears a Ramones t-shirt, so we know he’s not too drippy.

Dating is a pretty excruciating experience even when you’re young enough not to have stopped believing all that media baloney about how much fun it is. And it is close to unbearable when you’ve already found out that happily ever after may not be your destiny.

That’s where Sarah and Jake are. She has a big, loving (and intrusive) Irish family, each of them with candidates for her to consider. Jake has a lawyer-friend who wants him to get back in the game. Some online ads and misfires later, it looks like it might be happily ever after time after all.

There are some better-than-average quips and wisecracks and a couple of situations that are almost as funny as they try to be. But, not having read the book this is based on, I still bet it works better than this movie. It feels like an uncertain adaptation of material that probably comes off much better in print. Subtle and messy are fine in movies, even romantic comedies, but this one is distractingly cluttered where it should be clear. Predictable is okay, too, but only when the characters make us care about them and believe in them more than this one does. Here, the pacing is as jerky as a broken manual transmission, the behavior of the characters (not just Sarah and Jake but everyone else) is inconsistent and the situations are not nearly as charming as they try to be. I don’t believe Jake supports himself building boats or would have such an unappealing best friend; I don’t believe Sarah would pay attention to a man described as “incorrigible;” I don’t believe the whole Stockard Channing subplot (though she, too, is always a pleasure to watch); and I don’t even believe anyone in this movie really loves dogs.

What this movie has going for it is two unquestionably appealing leads who are always a treat to watch, especially when they are exchanging getting-to-know-you barbs. Cusack, whose Raomones t-shirt at times looks like an “I’m hipper than this — please rescue me” flag, reportedly wrote his own dialogue, and it’s the best part of the movie. Jordana Spiro gives the usual airhead/bimbo part a tasty spin and Julie Ganzalo’s warmth shines in a brief role as Sarah’s co-teacher. But like the computer-ad dates on screen, this promises much more than it delivers.

Parents should know that the movie has some sexual references and situations, including a humorous search for condoms and a one-night stand with unhappy results. Characters use brief strong language and there is some social drinking. Some viewers may be disturbed by the discussion of separation, betrayal, and divorce.

Families who see this movie should talk about how to make sure that the pain we endure enlarges our hearts instead of making us afraid to try again.

Families who enjoy this movie will also enjoy Nora Ephron’s popular romantic comedies, Sleepless in Seattle and You’ve Got Mail. They will also appreciate other movies about people recovering from the loss of a love, including Starting Over, with Burt Reynolds and Jill Clayburgh. Next Stop Wonderland has Hope Davis as a woman recovering from a break-up and Moonlight and Valentino has Elizabeth Perkins (who plays Carol in this movie) as a widow trying to find a way to go on with the help of Whoopi Goldberg, Kathleen Turner, and Gwenyth Paltrow. Families might want to check out the movies the characters watch in the movie, including Beaches and, of course, Doctor Zhivago. And everyone should read the poem read aloud by Sarah’s father, one of the most beautiful love poems ever written, Brown Penny by Yeats.

There are four of them, and they are fantastic. Idealistic scientist Reed Richards (Ioan Gruffudd) has a reach that exceeds his grasp. Beautiful and brilliant Sue Storm (Jessica Alba) loves him but feels that he doesn’t really see her. Her hotheaded daredevil brother Johnny has impulse control issues. And their friend Ben (Michael Chiklis) is the rock they rely on. When they get hit by cosmic rays, their DNA is changed and they develop superpowers. Reed becomes elastic, Sue becomes invisible (and can create invisible force fields), Johnny turns to flame and can propel himself through the air. And Ben turns into solid rock, strong enough to throw an SUV.

All of this takes up most of the movie, and then there is something about a bad guy near the end.

When people decide to make a movie about comic book heroes, they need to remember that origin stories get published after the characters and their powers and adventures are already well established. We know it all too well — exposure to cosmic rays, confusion and then exhilaration on the part of the supes, suspicion and then vindication on the part of the community and the cover of People. What should have taken up only a portion of the credit sequence gets dragged out so long that the big confrontation plays like an afterthought.

That aside, however, the movie is an entertaining summer popcorn flick. And one benefit of taking its time to get going is that it spends some of its special effects budget on scenes that are less violent than the usual superhero fare. This movie is about the relationship between the four main characters; the villain is all but incidental.

The best fight scene in the movie is between Reed and Ben. And some of the best special effects are the small ones as Johnny tries out his new powers, snapping his fingers like a cigarette lighter or casually making a pan of Jiffy Pop without using a stove.

The Fantastic Four were a transition between the cardboard-y good guys and the post-modern, noir-ish heroes. They didn’t have secret identities or sidekicks. They were unpretentious and nerdy and they bickered with each other and had to cope with life in the city. All of that is not as surprising as it was in 1961, when the FF first appeared. But it still gives the film a loose, engaging quality that keeps things buoyant in between action sequences. And those sequences are well-staged and exciting (aside from a completely unnecessary and distracting X-treme skateboard scene) without being too terrifying or gratuitously destructive. If it is not exactly fantastic, the movie is a lot of fun.

Parents should know that the movie has a great deal of peril and comic book-style action violence. In most cases, no one is hurt, but some characters are injured or killed. Characters use some strong language (including “Oh, Jesus!”) and there are some mild sexual references including implied (non-sexual) nudity and a bit of crude humor.

Families who see this movie should talk about what kinds of superpowers they would most like to have and what they would do if they had them.

Families who enjoy this movie will also enjoy the comic books and the animated series as well as other comic book adaptations like Spider-Man and X-Men and their sequels. Hard-core FF fans will want to track down the legendary first movie version of the story, which was made quickly and cheaply in 1994 just to maintain the rights to the characters and was never intended for release. And they may be amused at reading about the 2002 disclosure that, as long suspected, Ben Grimm (the Thing) is Jewish.

Here is a list of reasons to remake The Bad News Bears:

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And here is a list of reasons not to:

1. It’s been done. And re-done. And re-re-done. The original 1976 movie sparked a perennial series of movies about scrappy little sports teams made up of losers and klutzes who somehow, in the space of one quick montage or two, develop skills, understand the importance of teamwork, find some respect for themselves and each other, and provide redepmption — and often romance — for their previous cynical and/or burned-out and self-centered coach. In the last few weeks alone, Kicking & Screaming and Rebound have tried to apply the formula to soccer and basketball.

2. Times have changed. When the original was released almost 30 years ago, less than a decade after the institution of the Motion Picture Association’s rating system, it was still a shock to hear crude, vulgar, and profane language spoken to and by children. In 1976, the idea was so outrageous it was impossible to take it seriously and there was some appeal in the frank unpretentiousness, even subversiveness it brought to a post Ball Four-world just getting used to the idea of athletes being less than idealized all-American heroes. Since then, we are used to, even exhausted by the no-illusions bad behavior by athletes. And, in part because of the success of the original movie, we are used to, even bored by the idea of kids using bad language.

3. The original wasn’t that great to begin with, and whatever appeal it had has diminished over time. Take away the gimmick of the bad language, and there’s not much left in the original version or the remake. The script’s idea of updating is to change the sponsorship of the kids’ team from “Chico’s Bail Bonds” to “Bo-Peep’s Gentlemen’s Club.” This provides an excuse for frequent reaction shots of the Bo-Peep girls cheering in the stands.

4. Most important of all — it may have been possible to make a worthwhile remake of The Bad News Bears, but this is not it.

This is a one-joke movie, and the joke is not a good one. The 2005 edition is, it must be said, Bad News.

Billy Bob Thornton plays Morris Buttermaker, a washed-up baseball player (his career in the major leagues lasted less than one inning) turned exterminator who is hired to coach a baseball team made up of 12-year-olds that is only in the league because of a lawsuit. Buttermaker is there for the paycheck.

The kids are obnoxious and hopeless. So is the coach. They get so badly creamed in the first part of their first game that they forfeit. But then, inspired in part by the arrogance of the championship team’s coach (Greg Kinnear), Buttermaker decides to do some actual coaching. The kids improve. And when Buttermaker seeks out the daughter he has not seen in three years to get her to join the team as a pitcher and gets her to entice onto the team a juvenile delinquent-type with an attitude problem who can throw and hit, the team starts to score, then win. And guess whose team they play in the season’s last big game?

There was a 10-year-old sitting in front of me who laughed uproariously every time someone in the movie used the s-word. He laughed a lot. Most of the movie is the same thing over and over — either Buttermaker or the kids saying something completely obnoxious and inappropriate. It doesn’t work any better the 99th time than it does the first.

Furthermore, for anyone who cares about these things, Buttermaker’s decision-making and redemption seem completely arbitrary. I’m not saying we need an “aha!” moment with a light bulb going on over his head, but there should be some sort of narrative basis for character development, even in a slob comedy.

Director Richard Linklater, who handled the same theme superbly in School of Rock, does not have the benefit of a terrific script this time. The characters are not involving or believable.

The movie’s one asset is the always-underappreciated Billy Bob Thornton, whose understated delivery and impeccable timing give the flimsiest of dialogue some snap and verve. He has the kids come with him on an exterminating job and when two of them start to spray each other with the lethal chemicals, he tells them to stop. You just have to hear how he then says, “That stuff’s expensive” to understand what it means to be a movie star. Someday someone will give him a part in a much better movie and that will be very, very good news indeed.

Parents should know that this is one of those movies that drives a truck through the loopholes of the MPAA rating system. Most will find it unsuitable for chldren. It features constant crude, vulgar, profane, insulting, racist, sexist, homophobic, and otherwise imappropriate language used by and to children, but because it does not include the limited “automatic-R” words, it gets a PG-13 rating. It has jokes about cancer, child abuse, casual sex (a t-shirt reads, “She looked good last night,” a visit with the children to Hooters), and disabilities. A coach insults his players and they insult eadch other (though it omits the most famous quote from the original movie, with a highly un-PC description of the team). Fathers speak abusively to their children. The coach is unrepentent (most of the time) and irresponsible. He drinks constantly (including drinking and driving). He smokes, lies (and tells a child to lie), and has what appears to be a one-night stand with the mother of one of his players. A strength of the movie is its portrayal diverse characters, including a disabled kid who is tough and resilient.

Families who see this movie should talk about Buttermaker’s comment that once you quit, it makes it easier to keep quitting. What is a “moral victory” and was this a good example?

Families who enjoy this movie will also enjoy the original The Bad News Bears as well as some of the movies it inspired, including The Mighty Ducks and Sandlot.