Forgive me, I have to say it. This is one vampire movie with bite.

And it’s the first real popcorn pleasure of the year, a deliciously entertaining thrill ride that pleasurably tweaks new thrills from old stories.

It starts with a bang, even the movie studio’s logo a part of a glorious black-and-white intro that wonderfully evokes James Whale’s iconic scene of Viktor Frankenstein screaming “It’s ALIVE!” as the monster created from pieces of seven men is shocked into life and torch-bearing villagers are getting closer to the castle door. But then a louche Dracula (Richard Roxburgh) who can regenerate when he is wounded shows up to say, “It’s a pity your moment of triumph is being spoiled over a little thing like grave robbery,” and things take a surprising turn.

A year later, a guy in the coolest fedora since Indiana Jones is fighting a monster. It is Van Helsing (Hugh Jackman), a man who knows that he is here to fight evil, but is not sure why. He seems to remember fighting the Romans at Masada (that would be in about the year 72) but can’t remember the details of his past. When asked whether he is a holy man or a murderer, he says, “A bit of both.” All he ever needs to know is is “What are we dealing with and how do I kill it?”

Thankfully, the film wastes little time on any more exposition and explanations. Even though a priest tells Van Helsing, “In Transylvania you may find the answers you seek” about a past he cannot remember, what we get instead is pretty much non-stop action, more thrill ride or video game than story. And that’s fine with me. The production design is fabulously entertaining and imaginative. The monsters are all re-imagined with a great deal of flair, particularly Frankenstein’s creation, one of the best of his many screen portrayals.

The CGI effects are exceptionally well done, especially the transformations, though no one seems to have figured out how to give CGI characters the weight they should have in affecting the environment around them. Subtle details add a great deal of depth and atmosphere. In a scene set in Paris, we can glimpse the half-completed Eiffel Tower and in Transylvania there is a fountain shaped like a witch’s pointed hat. There are many intricate contraptions and there is a lot of slimpy, dripping gloop. Dracula silently tangos and then paces across the floor and up the wall. There are some little hooded henchmen who creep about like evil Ooompa-Loompas, and the female vampires look like demonic supermodels. A very grand masked ball features characters in more than one level of disguise. Some good dialogue is delivered with a lot of panache.

The movie takes itself seriously enough to have us care about the outcome but has enough of a sense of humor to provide Van Helsing with the equivalent of James Bond’s “Q,” a cheery sidekick with a knack for weapons technology.

Jackman has all that it takes to be both leading man and action hero. Kate Beckinsale is fine as Anna, the last in the line of her family, which for generations has been dedicated to wiping out the vampires. But in a movie like this, what matters is the bad guy, and Roxburgh is just right as Dracula, sinuous and seductive, a little effete, a little theatrical, and deliciously bloodthirsty. When someone declaims, “I would rather die than help you!” he purrs, “Don’t be boring. Everyone who says that dies.” Necks are not all he sinks his teeth into.

Parents should know that this movie has non-stop and intense action, with characters in constant extreme peril. There are gross and violent images and many characters are killed. There are a lot of jump-out-at-you surprises and grotesque creatures. Characters use brief mild bad words. There are brief mild sexual references and a non-explicit sexual situation.

Families who see this movie should talk about the original sources and enduring appeal of characters like Frankenstein, Dracula, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, and the Wolfman. They should talk about the villagers’ decision that since the vampires killed only one or two people a month, they should not try to stop them. They might want to talk about the ending, whether it was a surprise and how they feel about it. This site has information about the Van Helsing character created by Bram Stoker, author of Dracula, who describes him as having “an iron nerve, a temper of the ice-brook, and indomitable resolution, self-command and toleration.

Families who enjoy this movie will also enjoy The Mummy, Blade Runner and Raiders of the Lost Ark. A cult favorite comic book, The Spirit by Will Eisner, stars a modern-day character who has some of Van Helsing’s attitude.

People in movies tend to fall into two categories. Some are actors and some are movie stars. A few are both. Mary-Kate and Ashley Olson are not actresses and they are not movie stars. What they are is a brand. If their videos and television shows were food, they would be a Happy Meal. That makes this movie the supersized version, reliable and reasonably enjoyable, but of questionable nutritive value and possibly leaving you feeling a little queasy.

This feature film is bigger and more lavish than their popular videos, but about the same level of entertainment value. The girls play estranged twin sisters who barely speak to each other anymore but when they both have to be in New York City for crucially important and life-changing events and everything goes wrong, they end up spending an adventure and romance-filled day together.

As they face off opposite each other early in the morning, the soundtrack cranks up the old Edwin Starr version of “War.” Jane (Ashley Olson) is the super-organized super-achiever who is on her way to New York to deliver a speech in a competition for a scholarship to Oxford University. Roxy (Mary-Kate Olson) is the free spirit and aspiring rock star who wants to cut school to go to the filming of a music video so she can hand out copies of her CD to recording industry executives. But first they have to deal with being thrown off the train, being chased by a hitman who has hidden a valuable computer chip in Roxy’s purse, losing Jane’s speech, meeting up with two very cute guys, and many changes of costume.

The plot is pretty standard bonding-through-adversity stuff, including a literal “my dog ate it” plot twist (in the next movie, I’ll bet the butler did it). There are a couple of funny moments, mostly those involving either slapstick comedy or SCTV vets Eugene Levy (as the truant officer stalking the biggest catch of all — Roxy) and Andrea Martin (as a dog-loving Senator). It’s good to see New York City playing itself, instead of Toronto acting as understudy. Jack Osborne and a man from the Olson’s past make brief appearances and Dr. Drew Pinsky brings the same dignified kindness to the role of the girls’ father that he does to his popular radio call-in show about sex. But the movie still feels so artificial that it never captures the interest.

Perhaps it is because they are such hothouse flowers and have been surrounded by show business types and people who work for their Dualstar company all their lives, but Mary-Kate and Ashley don’t seem to have much of a sense of how normal people behave in real life. All of their gestures and expressions come from the way people behave on television, imitations of imitations.

They can trot around on Sex-in-the-City high heels, and they smile, pout, and scream on cue. They know how to look pretty when they have to try on a montage of outlandish outfits bursting with bling-bling. But they don’t have the guts to go for it when it’s a choice between looking cute or getting the laugh. And the scenes (mercifully few) requiring actual acting are almost painful to watch. It is always good news to have a movie for the 8-14-year-olds, but it is too bad this one isn’t better.

Parents should know that the movie has the mildest concerns about language (a post-it saying “remove stick from butt” is about as rough as it gets) and violence. It has some booty-shaking, implied comic nudity, and skimpy clothing but when the girls have to run around the city wearing a robe and a towel both are no-nonsense cover-ups. There are a couple of kisses and one of the girls has a boy fall on top of her. There is also some crude potty humor.

Parents will be more concerned about the behavior in the movie, including lying, cutting school, cheating, stealing, forgery, reckless driving without a license, and accepting a ride from a stranger, all with very little by way of consequences. Audience members may also find the portrayal of minority characters to be uncomfortably stereotyped. The African-American characters are kind, wise, and generous but they express themselves in a manner that is exaggerated and caricature-ish even beyond what is allowable for a comedy. The villain is a Dragon Lady right out of the old Terry and the Pirates comic strip, and Andy Richter’s henchman who thinks he’s Chinese so speaks in pidgen English is just awful. Again, this just seems to be carelessness that stems from its inability to think outside of re-re-recycled stories from other movies and television shows that appear to be the only source material for this film.

Families who see this movie should talk about Shirl’s comment that “It’s the curveballs that make life interesting — shows us what we’re made of. And if we’re lucky sometimes there’s a miracle at the end of that wrong turn.” How did the loss of the girls’ mother make it harder for them to be close to each other? What was the most important thing that Jane and Roxy learned from each other? When do you have an opportunity to help someone the way that Trey, James, Shirl, and Mr. McGill help Jane and Roxy?

Families who enjoy this movie will enjoy seeing Mary Kate and Ashley Olson grow up by watching their video series. They will also enjoy Adventures in Babysitting and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (both with more mature material than this movie).

Bobby Jones was a great man and a great golfer. He deserves a better movie than this one, as clumsy as its title.

Jones may be the greatest golfer who ever lived. He’s the only one to win all four of golf’s top titles in the same year. And he was an extraordinary man. He overcame physical problems and family pressures. He graduated from two colleges and received a master’s degree and a law degree. And Jones refused to be paid for playing golf and turned down millions of dollars in endorsements and awards. He liked to point out that the word “amateur” comes from the Latin word for love. He played for love of the game.

And clearly, this movie was made for love of the game and for love of Jones, but it tells us rather than showing us, and then tells us again, and it takes a very long time doing it, too. Like the game it depicts, it moves very, very slowly. There are lots of long, long, loving shots of the sun-dappled greens, slow-mo swings and swelling strings, glimpses of golden light accompanied by hooting panpipes, and quotes from Kipling, Will Rogers, Tennyson, and then Kipling again. I know it’s a long movie, but really, we can remember it from the first time.

We meet Jones as a sickly child, growing up next door to a golf course, imitating the swings of the men who play and attracting the attention of the Scottish golf pro. He enters his first big tournament as a teenager. A skeptical journalist becomes an awestruck fan. Cue the swelling strings again.

Jones has a temper. When a shot goes bad, he swears and throws his club. “There are some emotions that can’t be endured with a golf club in your hands.” His grandfather, Robert Jones Senior, disapproves of his playing golf. His mother wants him to study literature. Later on, his wife wants him to spend more time with the family. He keeps getting sick. But he will not give up until he has won the grand slam of the four top titles.

The movie is nice to look at, and Jeremy Northam as the dissolute but resolute Walter Hagan adds some flavor to the story. But the other performances are as flat as the dialogue.

Parents should know that the movie has strong language for a PG and a child uses four-letter words. Jones’ swearing is an issue in the story and ultimately he learns not to do it any more. There are some brief mild sexual references (a character is teased that she “doesn’t pet,” a man is said to have broken “all eleven” of the ten commandments and refers to debauchery). Characters drink and smoke, sometimes to excess. The portrayal of minorities is consistent with the era, but may be seen as insensitive by today’s standards. (No mention is made of Jones’ Augusta Golf Club’s famous battles to keep women from becoming members.)

Families who see this movie should talk about the comment by one character that “money is going to ruin sports.” Was he right? They should all read Kipling’s classic poem If, still fine advice about growing up for boys or girls. And they should talk about the question asked of Jones at the end of the movie, “What are you going to do for yourself?” What did he do for himself, and why?

Families who enjoy this movie will also enjoy The Legend of Bagger Vance, with actors playing Jones and Hagan. Other golf movies include Pat and Mike and Caddyshack. Jones himself appeared in some short films demonstrating his stroke and they are available on video.

They say that it isn’t adults who create children; it’s children who create adults. And they’re right.

This theme resonates deeply with us and has inspired many, many movies, going back before the days of Shirley Temple. There’s nothing wrong with that — it’s a good story, deeply rooted within all of us. So as each version comes along, we don’t need any surprises in the plot. All we ask is that there be something fresh and true about the way that it is told.

This latest take on the story is not a romantic comedy, as suggested by the trailers and commercials. It is more of a light drama with some comic and tragic moments, as a fashionable young woman finds herself the guardian for her late sister’s three children.

It has a solid script and a strong cast led by the deliciously twinkly Kate Hudson as Helen, with Helen Mirrin as her boss, Joan Cusack and Felicity Huffman as her sisters, Sakina Jaffrey as one tough bat-wielding mother of a neighbor, and My Big Fat Greek Wedding’s John Corbett providing guidance, support, and some romantic interest as the Lutheran pastor who is principal of the school. That puts it way ahead of drek like Cop and a Half and Curly Sue if not up to the level of some of Shirley Temple’s classics.

Hudson plays Helen, a young woman who thinks she has everything she wants, including a glamorous job in a modeling agency that gives her access to the hottest clubs and the prettiest people. She gets to go to parties and wear chic clothes and be the cool aunt to her sisters’ children, the fun one who thinks that fake IDs are great and shows that you never really have to grow up.

But then Helen’s sister and brother-in-law are killed in an accident and it turns out that they left their three children not to the older, stable, potpourri-loving earth mother sister Jenny (Joan Cusack) but to the never-has-had-to-think-about-anyone-but-herself-for-more-than-a-minute Helen.

Helen is willing, if a bit shell-shocked. But for the first time she has taken on some problems that can’t be solved with a dazzling smile or a fabulous outfit. The three children show her how messy, exhausting, painful, more exhausting, expensive, scary, difficult, and then even more exhausting life can be. She will think of it as an unbearable burden. She will have to leave Manhattan for Brooklyn and take time from her job for an emergency involving shoelace-tying. She will make mistakes and let people down. She will worry that she is not up to the challenge. And she will get a chance to find out whether she is.

Hudson is fine as Helen in the early scenes, enjoying her own deliciousness as she skims along on top of life like a skipping stone on the waves. She is mistress of her universe, flirting a little to cross the velvet rope, scamming a little to promote a new model, showing up late to a family party but being forgiven because she brings such a witty and thoughtful present and because she is just so adorable.

That’s what we expect from the adorable Hudson after all. What’s more fun to watch here is the way Hudson holds up as Helen’s world falls apart around her. When 15-year-old Audrey (Hayden Panettiere) accuses Helen of not remembering what it feels like to be young, listen to Hudson’s layered reading of Helen’s response: “Of course I remember. It was last Wednesday.”

Helen thinks that vespers is a kind of motorcycle and Lutheran pastors must be celibate, but her real problem is that she is just not sure she can give or deserve the kind of affection required by the children and by the pastor. Helen must also be willing not to be completely loved every single second. Hudson shows us as an actress that is a lesson she has already learned.

Parents should know that the movie has some strong language. Characters drink and smoke. Helen’s smoking, imitated by one of the children, is evidence of her carefree lifestyle; we see her wearing a nicotine patch after she has to begin to be more responsible. Similarly, as the fun aunt she approves of a fake ID for an underage girl; as the parent, she does not. And before she has the children, she has casual sex, but afterward she is ready for a more complete relationship. An underage couple plan to have sex but are stopped in time. Some members of the audience will find the movie’s portrayal of public school to be unfair. A strength of the movie is friendship between diverse characters.

Families who see this movie should talk about how they think about plans to care for children in case of tragedy. Why did the children’s parents choose Helen instead of Jenny?

There are many, many movies about the influence of a child on a superficial, self-absorbed — in other words childish — adult. Families who enjoy this movie will also enjoy Baby Boom, Three Men and a Baby, and a more serious look at a similar theme in the Oscar-winning Kramer vs. Kramer.

I think it is a good bet that some day there will be an Oscar lifetime achievement award for Robert DeNiro. And I think it is a better bet that clips from this movie will be nowhere near that event.

The movie updates two of the most compelling and enduring themes in horror. First is the idea of the beloved child who becomes threatening or evil. This addresses the deep conflicts we feel, loving our children so much that it terrifies us, wanting to protect them from harm, and sometimes feeling guilty about resenting or fearing them. In a sense, all children turn into monsters at some point. Those darling angels who love us more than anything and want us to know everything about them eventually turn into hostile teenagers who want us to know nothing about them. And it is very disturbing to think of small, endearing, beloved children as frightening. Powerful or evil children are frequent characters in scary stories.

The second theme is the one that goes all the way back to the earliest recorded stories, hubris. Inevitably, men try to play God and inevitably, tragedy results. This is the latest of the many stories about the longing to bring back a loved one who has died, usurping God’s greatest of all powers, the control of life and death. As with hundreds of myths and fairy tales, this is a story whose moral is “be careful what you wish for.”

Paul (Greg Kinnear) and Jessie (Rebecca Romijn-Stamos) are the loving parents of Adam (Cameron Bright). He is killed just after his 8th birthday and a former professor of Jessie’s named Richard (Robert DeNiro) makes them a stunning offer. If they give him access to some of Adam’s cells within 72 hours, he will use them to create a new child for Paul and Jessie, one who will be an exact replica of Adam. If they agree, they will have to leave their jobs and home and cut off all ties with friends and family, because no one must know. Is it wrong? Well, Jessie says that “sometimes ethics have to take a back seat.” In other words, Jessie should get ready for a big fat karma payback.

But at first, it seems like a dream come true. They have a beautiful new home and they have their son back. They even give him the same name, the meaningfully selected “Adam.”

Then Adam turns 8, and something is not right. He begins seeing things and his behavior is increasingly aggressive, even disturbed. They take him to see “Uncle Richard,” who says that it is not significant, but that “things could change once he crosses the age when he died.” They knew exactly what to expect up for the first 7 years, but “we don’t have a map past age 8.”

So far, so not too bad. But then the whole movie falls apart, just a mishmash of jumpy surprises and creepy portents, with a dash of exposition drivel, some scenery-chewing, and a lot of stuff that even in the horror movie-watching suspension-of-belief mode makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. A better final third of the movie would really be a godsend.

Parents should know that this is a horror-style thriller with many scary surprises and grisly images. Characters are in peril and some are killed. Characters drink alcohol and use some strong language.

Families who see this movie should talk about other stories inspired by the wish to bring back a loved one who has died, including The Vampire Lestat, The Monkey’s Paw, and Frankenstein.

Families who enjoy this movie will also enjoy The Omen, The Shining, The Boys from Brazil, The Others, and The Bad Seed.