What were they thinking? This movie is rated-PG and heavily marketed to kids. But in the first ten minutes, the title character, a dog trained by the FBI to catch criminals, bites off a bad guy’s testicle. We then see the man in the hospital as the doctor explains that it was a good thing that he only had to replace one, um, body part with a metal sphere, because if he had to replace both, they would clang when he walked. Darned if he isn’t clanging and speaking in falsetto by the end of the movie. This is family entertainment?

The movie also features an extended sequence featuring the main character sliding around in dog poop and losing his boxers. Are you laughing yet?

David Arquette plays Gordon, a mailman who has an entire arsenal to help him get through a route that includes a number of houses with “beware of dog” signs. He lives like a happy — if hapless – slob with his roommate Benny (Anthony Anderson). But he longs for his pretty neighbor Stephanie (Leslie Bibb), a single mom. When her sitter is late, he agrees to watch her son James (Angus T. Jones) for a few minutes so she can make her plane. But the few minutes turn into days as the sitter becomes ill and the mother can’t get home. Gordon introduces James to the pleasures of junk food and hair mousse. Then Agent 11, the FBI’s top dog, runs into Gordon’s mail truck to escape mob assassins. James – now called Jimmy — dubs him “Spot” and falls in love.

At first, Gordon and Jimmy think there is something wrong with Spot because he will not play. When Spot retrieves a woman’s purse from a mugger, they misunderstand and think he attacked the man. They refer to Spot as “broke” and “retarded.” Then, like James, Agent 11 gets a new life with his new name, one in which fun is a top priority.

The mob killers are still chasing Spot, and the FBI is chasing them. Stephanie is trying to get back to rescue James. Everyone arrives at once, and it is time for Agent 11 to go back to work. Or is it?

We could use some family movies along the lines of Disney’s “Ugly Dachshund” and “That Darn Cat” in the 1960’s – romance, mild adventure, pets, not overly complex or subtle but fun for everyone. But this movie can’t even manage the dumb comedy level, even by the low standards of the genre. It does not require suspension of disbelief – it requires abandonment of basic principles of logic, consistency, and cause and effect. For example, it is summer time. Stephanie is on a business trip wearing a light summer suit (with a miniskirt, of course, but her legs are one of the movie’s strongest assets, so I won’t complain). So of course the only reason they can come up with to prevent her from making it home is that the planes are cancelled due to snow?

It is too dumb for anyone over 8 and too vulgar for anyone under 12. Come to think of it, it is too dumb and too vulgar for anyone of any age. They should change the name to “Don’t See Spot Run.”

Parents should know that the movie has some mild language as well as offensive terms like “retarded,” the testicle and dog poop “humor” mentioned above, and scenes of mild comic violence (lots of property destruction, no one hurt). A man who inhales helium speaks in a squeaky voice. Some families may be concerned about Benny telling Gordon that he should not get involved with a woman who has a child. And some will object to the anti-intellectualism of the movie, which seems to promote an irresponsible all play and no work point of view.

On the positive side, the interracial friendship between Gordon and Benny is very nice. They tease each other, but they count on each other, and Benny proudly tells a group of rival break-dancers that Gordon is his best friend. Gordon and Jimmy talk about how to cope with not having one or both parents. And the end of the movie, in which Gordon makes his commitment to Jimmy clear, is also well done. This, however, is not enough to make the movie worthwhile.

Families who see this movie should talk about why Agent Murdoch was so attached to the dog and what he thought about when Jimmy asked if he could keep him. Why did Gordon live the way he did? How will he be different now?

Families who enjoy this movie will also enjoy “Beethoven.”

This romantic confection has all the weight of a soap bubble, but it has all the sheen and charm of one, too.

Serendipity is (1) a “happy accident” and (2) a New York restaurant that serves sweet, frozen goodies. It is #1 that brings our couple together, as both try to buy a pair of black cashmere gloves at Bloomingdale’s, and #2 where romantic sparks fly when she (“Pearl Harbor’s” Kate Beckinsale as Sarah) takes him (“High Fidelity’s” John Cusack as Jonathan) there to thank him for letting her have the gloves.

There is a strong romantic connection, but both are involved with other people, so they part, with two romantic note-in-a-bottle opportunitites for fate to bring them back together. He writes his name and number on a five dollar bill, which she puts back into circulation. And she writes her name and number in a copy of “Love in the Time of Cholera,” which she sells to a used book store.

Years later, as both are about to get married, they are still drawn to each other. So we’re in “Sleepless in Seattle”/”When Harry Met Sally” land, watching them just miss each other a dozen times until the happily-ever-after ending.

Cusack and Beckinsale are just right, giving a small touch of bittersweet reality to the fairy tale. Sarah’s insistence on letting fate determine the outcome could make her seem arbitrary and foolish, but Beckinsale shows us that it is just the result of Sarah’s struggle to overcome a deep romanticism. Cusack, always superb in showing us that same struggle (if you haven’t seen “Say Anything,” rent it this weekend) makes Jonathan’s quest to find Sarah genuninely touching.

The script wobbles at times. The respective fiancés are neither interesting enough to merit their screen time or awful enough to make us feel comfortable about seeing them get dumped. And the near-misses get a little overdone. Adept performances by sidekicks Molly Shannon and Jeremy Piven and by Eugene Levy as a persnickety Bloomingdale’s salesman provide buoyancy. And New York City itself, photographed with twinkling lights and floating snowflakes by cinematographer John de Borman, who shows us the city as a dreamy wonderland. That’s an especially warming, if poignant vision these days.

Parents should know that the movie has smoking and drinking (including excessive drinking). A brief sexual situation is inexplicit and played for comedy. There is mild language. A gay character is portrayed sympathetically and without stereotypes. All lead characters are white and middle or upper class.

Families who see this movie should talk about how we decide to take emotional risks, including the risk of appearing like a “jackass,” and how we decide when to act and when to gamble on fate. They might also like to talk about whether there is such a thing as a soulmate, and how to recognize one.

Families who enjoy this movie should also see “And Now My Love” (some mature material, in French with subtitles), about a couple who do not meet until the movie’s last minutes. We see their entire lives, going back to the girl’s grandparents, so that we recognize how perfect they are for each other even before they do. Another charming movie along those lines is Next Stop Wonderland starring Hope Davis. And check out the movie’s website, which has a cute quiz to help you find a serendipitous match.

Plot: Handsome backwoodsman Adam Pontabee (Howard Keel) strides into town, singing “Bless Your Beautiful Hide” to his future wife “whoever she may be.” He has given himself one day to find a wife to take back to his ranch. He meets Milly (Jane Powell), a spirited waitress, proposes, and she accepts. He neglects to tell her that back at the ranch are his six brothers, and that he is bringing her back to cook and clean for all of them.

She is hurt, feeling that he wanted a housekeeper more than a wife, and she is horrified when she meets the brothers, who are boorish slobs. The next morning, she informs the brothers that they must learn to behave. They come to love her for her courage and values, and begin to long for wives of their own. She brings them to a barn raising, where they each fall in love. Back at the ranch, they long for their girls. Adam tells them they should go into town and steal them, just as in the story of the “Sobbin’ Women” (the ancient Roman tale of the Sabine women). They do, but the women are furious, and won’t have anything to do with them, even though they are snowed in at the ranch until the spring thaw. Milly is so angry with Adam for telling the brothers to kidnap the girls that he leaves to spend the rest of the winter in a hunting cabin, not knowing that Milly is pregnant. The girls soften toward the brothers, and by spring, are ready to marry them, in one big ceremony. And Adam returns, realizing how much Milly means to him.

Discussion: This movie includes some of the most thrillingly energetic dances ever put on film, including the classic barn-raising number (which unfortunately suffers on the small screen). Based on a short story by Stephen Vincent Benet, it is almost an icon of America as it saw itself in the 1950s — brash, energetic, adventuresome, and cocky. Some critics have complained that the movie all but promotes rape, but that is unfair. Even though the girls are very attracted to the brothers, they are very angry at being kidnapped, and the brothers are banished to the barn. They must earn their way back into the girls’ affections by treating them with courtesy and respect, and ultimately it is very much the girls’ own decision to stay and marry them. With the help of youngest brother Gideon, Milly teaches Adam that even though she accepted his proposal quickly, she is still worth earning.

Questions for Kids:

· How does the barn raising dance number help to tell the story?

· Milly and Adam get married very quickly without talking about what they want. How does that create problems?

· How does Milly show how important family is to her?

· Why is it hard for Adam to realize how important Milly is to him?

· How does Milly show how important family is to her?

· Why is it hard for Adam to realize how important Milly is to him?

Connections: Handsome baritone Howard Keel starred in a number of movie musical classics, including “Kiss Me Kate,” “Showboat,” and “Annie Get Your Gun.” Jane Powell starred in “Royal Wedding” and a number of lesser musicals. Russ Tamblyn appeared in “West Side Story” and “tom thumb.” Ephraim is played by ballet superstar Jacques D’Amboise, whose work with kids was later featured in the Academy Award winning documentary “He Makes Me Feel Like Dancing.” Dorcas is played by Julie Newmar (then called Newmeyer), whose autographed photo provided the title for the 1995 release, “To Wong Foo With Love, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar.”

The story of Dracula has been filmed dozens of times, but one of the most unforgettable is the silent German film, “Nosferatu.” The director, F.W. Murnau, was not able to get permission from the author’s widow to film “Dracula,” so we just changed all the names and went ahead with it anyway. His title character was so bizarre and creepy that there were even rumors that Murnau found a real vampire to play the part.

The premise of this new movie about the making of “Nosferatu” is that Murnau (John Malkovich) did indeed find a real vampire to play the part, and that the making of the movie was a race between Murnau’s efforts to finish filming and the vampire’s efforts to finish off the cast and crew.

The vampire (Willem Dafoe), introduced as “Max Schreck,” observes to Murnau that “you and I are not so different.” Both are single-minded in pursuit of their goals, regardless of the consequences for others. Both have a kind of everlasting life. But there are differences, too. Light is what makes Murnau’s form of everlasting life possible — he is always seeking the light he needs to be able to tell his story through film. Schreck is always hiding from light, which can destroy him.

The highlight of the movie is Dafoe’s performance as Schreck. Unrecognizeable under all the make-up, he manages to be witty, menacing, charming, and even sympathetic. Malkovich has the intensity for Murnau and is excellent shouting his direction to his cast and crew. English comedian Eddie Izzard is fine as the leading man. The art direction is superb, especially when we see them filming and the picture fades into a re-creation of the black and white original.

The movie has some witty jabs at film-makers of all eras. Murnau responds to one crisis by saying that “It may be adventageous because it makes the crew very edgy and I like that,” and there is a very funny exhange with Schreck about which members of the crew may be expendable. It makes some good points, but ultimately just stops rather than ends.

Parents should know that despite the comic and satiric tone there are some creepy vampire moments. Schreck drinks a bat’s blood. There are some decadent performers in a night-club and some characters use drugs and behave in a manner that may be very upsetting. There is brief nudity and some strong language.

Families who see this movie should talk about what it means to say that someone is “chasing an altogether different ghost.” Does everyone chase a ghost of some kind? Which ghosts were Murnau and Schreck chasing? Families will want to talk about the way that Murnau and Schreck were willing to sacrifice anyone around them to get what they wanted. The leading lady tells Murnau that live audiences give her life while a camera takes it out of her. How does that differ from Murnau’s view?

Families who enjoy this movie should see Murnau’s “Nosferatu” and some of the other versions of “Dracula.”

This movie gets four stars just for coolness. Samuel L. Jackson, the Armani leather coat, and the Oscar-winning theme song are a match made in heaven, and it is just plain summer-popcorn-movie fun to see them all work it together.

This Shaft goes back further than the original Shaft movie to the days of the cool, ironic, been-there, seen-that, but still a man of integrity at heart characters that Humphrey Bogart played in movies like “The Maltese Falcon” and “The Big Sleep,” and before that to the sagas of knights and quests and damsels in distress. They will always be outsiders, cleaning up the messes of the insiders, and they will always be stronger, smarter, and more loyal than the people they help. They are always too honest to be able to get along with anyone. Even the law enforcers have to cut too many corners and they never pick the right corners to cut.

What made the original “Shaft” so galvanizing was the notion of a black man in this role, a man who wasn’t trying to impress Spencer Tracy or Rod Steiger as Sidney Poitier was doing in mainstream Hollywood movies of that era. He was not trying to get what whites had. He was completely satisfied living within the black world, and he would take on even a white man who threatened it. In movie terms, he was Malcolm X to Poitier’s Martin Luther King. This was deeply threatening, but deeply exciting, too.

And it was new in a way it can never be new again. The challenge was creating a new version that would be just as electrifying although it was released in a different environment.

Director John Singleton, whose “Furious” character in “Boyz N the Hood” shared a lot of Shaft’s outlook, has updated the movie and the character. This is a story about the nephew of the original Shaft (played again in this movie by Richard Roundtree), who is so far from his private detective uncle’s commitment to independence that he is a policeman. But when a corrupt system lets a rich racist murderer jump bail, Shaft throws his badge at the judge like a ninja weapon and goes out on the street to see that justice is done.

The script is uneven and filled with holes, showing evidence of reported on-set disagreements between the producer, director, and star. Reportedly, too, Jeffrey Wright’s performance as drug dealer Peoples Hernandez was so exciting that the movie was reworked to give him more screen time. That is easy to believe, because he is electrifying. That contributes, however, to the difficulty in managing all the plot threads. Efforts to bring the two bad guys together, the Dominican drug dealer and the preppy racist (Christian Bale) may provide some interesting moments, especially when the drug dealer starts networking in a holding cell, asking the preppy for his business card, but it slows the story down.

But Singleton knows that when things waver, all he has to do is cut back to Jackson and the theme song to keep the audience happy, and it works remarkably well.

Parents should know that there is incessant use of the f-word and graphic violence, including self-inflicted ice-pick wounds and lots of punching and shooting. A character is blatantly racist and another is a drug dealer. Especially troubling is a conclusion that is surprisingly supportive of vigilante-style solutions, despite indications that even Shaft believes that this time the system will result in justice.

Families who see this movie should talk about how Shaft knows when to follow the rules and when to break them, and what would happen if someone with a less perfectly honed sense of justice were to break as many rules (and noses) as Shaft does.

People who like this movie might enjoy seeing the original to compare the way that different directors, different times, and different budgets change the way the story is told.