Final Destination 3

Posted on February 14, 2006 at 3:22 pm

Lowest Recommended Age:	High School
MPAA Rating:	Rated R for strong horror violence/gore, language and some nudity.
Profanity:	Extremely frequent, strong expletives and graphic name-calling
Alcohol/ Drugs:	None
Violence/ Scariness:	If you have a line in this movie, then the chances are good you are going to die a graphic, bloody death, near constant peril, pigeons killed
Diversity Issues:	Stereotypes
Date Released to Theaters:	2006
Date Released to DVD:	2006
Amazon.com ASIN:	B000FC2HS6

It’s like deja vu, says the main character, only of something I haven’t done yet.

Wow, get out of my head, Wendy! We are barely minutes into “Final Destination 3” and already we, the audience, are sharing her feeling. We have been here before, too. Instead, it was called “Final Destination” and then “Final Destination 2”.

If you have not had the pleasure of the prior “FDs”, there really is no reason to start now.

However, if you have seen either of the first two in the series and are looking for more, then you know exactly what is in store for you. Attractive young things narrowly avert a fatal accident due to someone’s premonition -– thanks, Wendy! — and then they spend the duration of the movie being killed off in graphic, squelchy deaths. This time around, lives are ended with props including nail guns, tanning beds, falling objects, weight-training equipment, and, yes, that initial roller-coaster debacle.

Finally, for the real FD connoisseur, 3 is more in the spirit of the original than 2, as director James Wong has opted to place back the fig-leaf of plot and character development that 2 ignored for the sake of more elaborately drawn-out gore. Is it a worthy trade-off? Most of the audience seemed not to care a whit about the characters despite many scenes of Wendy’s tear-stained cheeks.

Since nobody appears to be putting the “final” in “Final Destination”, maybe the director of FD 4 will skip dialogue all together and use the money saved to stage even lengthier scenes of decapitations and dismemberment. “FD4: Attractive Co-Ed Mimes in Danger”, Wendy, doesn’t that just give you deja vu all over again?

Parents should know that these movies are thin excuses to demonstrate random, cartoon-like violence and extremely gory special effects. There is near constant peril and almost every character with a spoken line ends up brutally killed in a range of creative accidents. The stereotypically shallow girls are burnt to death on malfunctioning tanning beds, a lecherous guy has his head partially pureed by a fan, someone is peppered by nails to the head, and the list goes on. A character shoots pigeons with a nail gun, several people die in an explicit premonition about a roller coaster accident, and there are very few carnage-free scenes. One character is more concerned with being embarrassed in death and refers to particularly graphic form of impalement. Add in the nudity, the near constant expletives, some “friendly” name-calling with graphic profanity, and this movie is rendered inappropriate for sensitive viewers of any age.

Families might want to talk about desensitization and what is shocking about these movies, if anything. They also might want to talk about how different characters react to their impending demise and how laughing at death might help some people feel power over the inevitable. Finally, the repeated references to feeling a loss of control might provoke an interesting discussion about how people often fear what they cannot control.

Families that like this movie might want to see the others in the series, or they might wish to use the time to discuss safety protocols for almost any activity imaginable.

Thanks to guest critic AME.

Curious George

Posted on February 10, 2006 at 3:31 pm

B-

Lowest Recommended Age:	Preschool
MPAA Rating:	Rated G
Profanity:	None
Alcohol/ Drugs:	None
Violence/ Scariness:	Very mild peril
Diversity Issues:	None
Date Released to Theaters:	2006
Date Released to DVD:	2006
Amazon.com ASIN:	B000GIXEWC

This gentle little film about the monkey whose curiosity gets him into trouble and the man who befriends him will make 4-8-year olds very happy and give their parents a chance for a nice nap.

Generations of children have loved the little monkey created by husband and wife team team H.A. and Margret Rey for more than half a century. Curious George gets into trouble because he always wants to explore and try out and investigate everything he sees. Children, who have the same impulses and struggle with the restrictions imposed on them by parents and teachers, get a vicarious thrill from th freedom and daring of CG’s adventures — and sometimes from seeing him face the consequences. That nice Man in the Yellow Hat is always there to take care of him, which is a great source of comfort to children as well.

This first feature film keeps the same simple lines of the originals — that’s story lines and drawing lines — but changes the relationship a little. Instead of capturing Curious George, George more or less captures the Man in the Yellow Hat.

As with the books, the best part of the movie is seeing Curious George get into mischief: dipping his hands into cans of paint and applying his own idea of decorating to the walls and taking off into the sky with a handfull of helium balloons. It is less successful when the Man in the Yellow Hat, now named Ted and with the voice of Will Ferrell, gets into some trouble himself.

Ted works for a museum that is about to be turned into a parking lot — that is, unless Ted can save the day by bringing back a huge African idol. In Africa, Ted finds the idol, but it is only a couple of inches tall. He also makes friends with the little monkey, who sneaks on board the cargo ship that is taking Ted home.

Ted has a hard time telling the truth about the idol, and briefly tries to create a fake to please the museum visitors. He also tries to get rid of Curious George — his building does not allow pets of any kind and George keeps getting into trouble. But he ultimately tells the truth (though does not suffer any consequences). And he learns that George has brought him — and taught him — a great deal.

Parents should know that the movie has some mild peril and some naughty behavior from both Ted and George. They should also know that this film is the first animated film to include product placement. It is subtly done, and does not include toys or candy, but it is still an intrusion. Parents will want to warn children not to stare into the sun as Ted does.

Families who see this film should talk about why Junior was jealous of Ted and why Ted had a hard time telling the truth about the idol. Why did Ted change his mind about Curious George? Can you tell about a time you were curious?

Families who enjoy this movie will enjoy the books.

Aquamarine

Posted on February 10, 2006 at 3:26 pm

B+

Lowest Recommended Age:	Kindergarten - 3rd Grade
MPAA Rating:	Rated PG for mild language and sensuality.
Profanity:	Brief strong language for a PG
Alcohol/ Drugs:	None
Violence/ Scariness:	Mild peril, no one hurt
Diversity Issues:	None
Date Released to Theaters:	2006
Date Released to DVD:	2006
Amazon.com ASIN:	B000FCW15A

The best thing about this fairy tale is that its happily-ever-after ending is satisfyingly real world. It’s the most enchanting treat for girls since The Princess Diaries.

It’s less of a fairy tale than a fish tale, at least half a fish tale. Best friends Claire (Emma Roberts) and Hailey (Joanna ‘JoJo’ Levesque) can’t bear to see the summer end. They have had a wonderful time watching dreamboat lifeguard Raymond (Jake McDorman) every day at the beach. But the real problem is that they are about to be separated. Hailey’s mom has a new job on the other side of the world, in Australia.

After a huge storm, they find a mermaid named Aquamarine in a swimming pool. She tells them that she has just three days to prove to her father that there is such a thing as love, and if they help her, she will give them a wish.

Aquamarine decides Raymond is the one she wants to love her. Claire and Hailey are willing to help her with their crush because it means not just getting their wish to stay together but keeping him away from mean girl Cecilia (Arielle Kebbel).

Claire and Hailey are at exactly the age where those friendships mean everything and Roberts and Levesque have a believable chemistry whether they’re laughing, plotting, or arguing. Sara Paxton sparkles as Aquamarine. Her character’s confidence inspires the girls, but they learn even because they have to take care of her. That gives them a sense of their own strength and power and a greater appreciation for those who take care of them.

The story, based on Alice Hoffman’s YA novel, nicely blends the fantasy
elements with astutely observed portrayals of early-teen fears and friendships. That’s where the real magic is.

Parents should know that the movie has some brief strong language for a PG, including one use of the b-word. There is some slight peril and some discussion of crushes and who is “hot” and who has a good figure and a mild joke about all the girls and some of the boys having crushes on Raymond. There are plot themes relating to the loss of parents through death and divorce.

Families who see this movie should talk about why Claire and Hailey said mean things to each other. Who were they really mad at? What were the most important lessons Claire, Hailey, Aquamarine, Raymond, and Celia learned. Why?

Families who enjoy this movie will also enjoy some of the other classic mermaid movies, including Disney’s The Little Mermaid, Mr. Peabody and the Mermaid, the Fairie Tale Theatre version, and Splash (some mature material). And they will enjoy the book by Alice Hoffman. And they might like to read my interview with Sara Paxton about playing a mermaid.

The Pink Panther

Posted on February 8, 2006 at 3:35 pm

Anyone remember Ted Wass? He starred in Curse of the Pink Panther.

Alan Arkin (Inspector Clouseau) tried to step into the banana-slipping shoes of Peter Sellers as Inspector Clouseau. Roberto Benigni played the title role in Son of the Pink Panther). Their performances were forgettable. If only the movies were, too, but, alas, they live on as painful memories.

In spite of all this, Steve Martin now gives it a try, in a script he co-wrote. This is a prequel to the original The Pink Panther that updates the bumbling inspector to the era of cell phones, the Internet, and Viagra. In the first few minutes, there’s a hit on the head, an electric shock, and a goat stampede. As we filed out of the theater during the credits, some wise guy made hand shadows on the screen and they were more entertaining than anything we’d seen there all evening. This is less like Peter Sellers and Blake Edwards and more like “Ernest Goes to Paris.”

Here is what is not funny: Steve Martin pursing his lips. Steve Martin mangling a French accent (hint: this idea works better when the story does not take place in France, where everyone is supposed to be speaking French, and when the “funny” accent is almost indistinguishable from the not-funny accents of other non-French people pretending to be French by speaking through their noses). It is especially not funny when an accent specialist tries to teach Clouseau how to ask for a hamburger, because what begins as not funny is then repeated, becoming not-funnier every time. It is not funny that it appears that two characters are having sex or that two men have to share a bed. And even the slapstick is mostly not funny because it is staged so poorly. The movie wastes the considerable talents of Beyonce Knowles.

Here is what is not so bad: Steve Martin has a funny walk and a cute little car. I give him credit for going back to the original source of the title — the Pink Panther is a huge diamond. Emily Mortimer is adorable. There is a funny joke about camouflage. Jean Reno looks uncomfortable but he is gracious as ever and brings a little class to his corner of the film. And in a very brief cameo, Clive Owen shows us what we’re missing in not having him as the new James Bond. Like the original Henry Mancini theme song, his presence only reminds us of what we’d rather be watching.

Parents should know that the movie has some inexcusably crude and vulgar humor for a PG movie, including potty jokes, a Viagra gag, sexual harassment humor and skimpy clothes. A woman sits on a man’s shoulders with his head in her crotch and there is what appears to be an athletic (though clothed) sexual encounter (this mistaken impression is supposed to be funny). It is also supposed to be funny that two men share a bed. Electrodes are pushed down pants and later we see the crotch of the pants is smoking. There is some crude language (Clouseau says he wants to seduce a witness and “pump” her for information). Characters drink in social settings. There is a great deal of head-bonking comic humor, including electric shocks, crashes, and explosions, with some injuries and two characters are murdered.

Families who see this movie should talk about why Dreyfus would think that it would make him look good to hire someone who could not do a good job. Why did Ponton grow to respect Clouseau?

Families who enjoy this movie will also enjoy the 1963 original with Peter Sellers, The Man Who Knew Too Little with Bill Murray, and The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!.

Related Tags:

Comedy Remake

Firewall

Posted on February 7, 2006 at 3:50 pm

B-

Lowest Recommended Age:	High School
MPAA Rating:	Rated PG-13 for some intense sequences of violence, and for some language.
Profanity:	Some strong language
Alcohol/ Drugs:	Some social drinking
Violence/ Scariness:	Intense peril and violence, shooting
Diversity Issues:	None
Date Released to Theaters:	2006
Date Released to DVD:	2006
Amazon.com ASIN:	B000F8DV1M

What can you do if you want to rob a bank and hotshot Harrison Ford has designed a foolproof security system? Well, firewalls may be unbreakable, but people are not. So, you tell him that if he doesn’t break into his own system, his family is dead.

Ford plays Jack Stanfield, computer security ace and loving husband and father. The bank he’s been protecting for 20 years is about to be merged, and he is suspicious of the new management (Terminator 2’s Robert Patrick) and intrigued by a possible new job offer. This distraction may explain why he’s not too suspicious when a belligerent bill collector shows up at his office, yelling about $95 thousand in gambling debts. But pretty soon some very mean guys are pointing guns at his family and wiring him for sound and pictures so they can track him when he leaves the house.

The thrills in this movie are strictly low-wattage. For a while it is fun to see Ford McGuyver his way around the security system with a fax machine, an iPod, GPS, and a cell phone, but it all disintigrates into a generic shoot-’em-up with nothing distinctive or surprising, except, perhaps, that after all these decades, Ford still knows how to act and do stunts at the same time. Virginia Madsen is wasted in the the “No, Jack, no!”/”Don’t you DARE touch my children!” role. Paul Bettany has a nicely cool vibe but his character, like the others, is underwritten, and the script’s twists won’t surprise anyone who’s ever seen a Harrison Ford movie, most of which are better than this one.

Parents should know that the movie has extreme peril and violence, including shooting, punching, explosions, and general slamming things into characters, some of whom are injured and killed. A child is in peril and nearly dies due to an allergic reaction. There is brief strong language, someone gives the finger, and there is some social drinking.

Families who see this film should talk about how to protect themselves from identify theft. They should talk about the way that some bank robbery movies get the audience on the side of the bank and others get the audience on the side of the thieves.

Families who enjoy this film will also enjoy Air Force One and Witness, also starring Ford. They might also like to watch some other bank robbery movies, including $, the original The Thomas Crown Affair, Bandits, The Desperate Hours and its 1990 remake, and Dog Day Afternoon (mature material).

Related Tags:

Crime Drama Movies -- format Thriller