Grudge Match

Posted on December 24, 2013 at 6:00 pm

Not that this is going to come as a surprise to anyone, but this movie is not just bad, it is sad. The stars of two of the greatest boxing movies of all time are not just slumming here. They trash their pasts and ours, too, with a bunch of jokes about prostates, jock itch, hookers, the financial rewards of Kardashian sex tapes, and what “BJ” stands for. If you think it is hilarious for a father and grandfather tell a child that “BJ” stands for butterscotch jellybeans — wink wink nudge nudge — then this is the movie you’ve been waiting for. Oh, and a prison rape joke. When the end credits list the roles in the film as “tranny hooker” and “puking boxer,” you get the idea. Plus, there’s an extended scene with a bucket of horse urine.

“Razor” Sharp (Sylvester Stallone from “Rocky’) and Kid (Robert De Niro from “Raging Bull”) play former light heavyweight champions who fought each other twice, one win for each. They bitterly dislike each other for personal and professional reasons. But they agree to throw some punches for a computer game. Footage of them scuffling at a video game studio in green motion capture suits goes viral and the impulsive and ambitious son of their former promoter (Kevin Hart) persuades them to fight each other for real. Cue the training montage and the jokes that ended up on the cutting room floor from “Grumpy Old Men.”

Razor agrees to the fight because he needs the money. He is broke, losing his job, and caring for his old trainer (Alan Arkin). Kid agrees to fight because he wants to win. He’s doing fine financially, with a car dealership and a bar called “Knock Out.” In one of several sad, soggy call-outs to previous greatness, his shtick-y puppet routine in the bar is a reminder of the brilliant end of “Raging Bull,” when an overweight Jake LaMotta tries to perform in his nightclub. It still rankles him that he lost the last bout with Razor and he is sure he can win this time.

Kim Basinger shows up as the real reason for the feud. And there’s a long-lost son who happens to be just the guy to get Kid back in shape, starting with getting the fighter to stop those breakfasts of Scotch and pancakes. The son’s name is BJ and he is played by John Bernthal, the only person in this movie who comes off with any class and dignity, even when the script calls for him to forgive a man whose idea of babysitting is to take a child to a bar while he goes off to have sex with someone he just met in the parking lot. Poor Alan Arkin for the second time in 2013 is stuck with the role of the guy who insults the staff at his assisted living facility and is supposed to be funny just because it’s an old guy being crude.

There are many, many jokes about how old these guys are. They are bad. There are winking references to their better work. They are awful. So is this movie.

Parents should know that this movie includes extremely crude sexual references and very strong and vulgar language for a PG-13, as well as a car crash and boxing violence with some graphic images of injuries.

Family discussion: Why does Kid want to fight? Who were you rooting for and why?

If you like this, try: “Rocky” and “Raging Bull”

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Kevin Hart: Let Me Explain

Posted on July 6, 2013 at 3:28 pm

Kevin Hart’s new stand-up movie is short (about 75 minutes). And, as he will repeatedly remind you, so is he.

There’s a brief prologue where guests at a rooftop party accuse him of not being in touch with his father, having sex only with light-skinned women, and both being only locally famous and being so successful that he is no longer real. Furious, he tells his manager to get him to the Garden immediately. “The Olive Garden?” the man responds. No, Madison Square Garden! Kevin Hart has some things he wants to get off his chest. Let him explain!

Like all great stand-up comics, Hart is a master of timing and can make all of the roles in a story with a slight but astonishingly vivid shift in his face, voice, and posture. Like Dane Cook and Tyler Perry, Hart is a master of viral marketing and branding. Under the radar of the Hollywood machine, he has become the top touring stand-up, as he takes pains to show us with a global montage of venues, many enormous and all sold out. He may be able to stand on a street corner and plaintively explain that no one there seems to know who he is. But his millions of YouTube followers are devoted fans, and when he shows up, whether it’s London, Amsterdam, or Oslo, they are there.

And then it’s New York, and the Garden. He is excited to be there, and he brings the fire. Literally. He thought it was cool when Jay-Z and Kanye had fire on stage, so he gets some big fire and has it flame on every now and then to punctuate a punch-line — or just to be a punch-line, as we enjoy his enjoyment of the pretentiousness and pointlessness (but coolness) of fire on stage.

Stand-up is the toughest job in the performing arts. It’s you and the microphone. No script, no other performer to cue or toss to, no hit song to get the audience applauding after just one chord. It’s 30,000 people and you and your stories.

In this case, the stories are mainly in the “b****es be crazy” category. He begins by telling us he is happily divorced, which is great because he can do things like feed the pigeons without anyone suspecting he is a liar. Then he tells us he is a liar, but seems to think it is irrational for a woman to find that upsetting. Women, on the other hand, are not under any circumstances allowed to cheat. And friends — they are there to back you up, and when you begin the phone call with “Don’t lie,” that means, well: “LIE.”

Unlike the all-time greats, Chris Rock, George Carlin, and even Bill Cosby, Hart never goes past the “funny thing happened to me” line of comedy, which is entertaining enough, in large part because he sees his flaws. But you get the sense, especially in story about his son and a final comment about how much it means to him to be there, that there’s more to him. Now that he’s explained, maybe the next tour can be, “No Longer Safe.”

Parents should know that this movie is filled with profanity, n-words, and crude sexual references.

Family discussion: How do Hart’s expectations for the women in his life differ from what he expects from himself? Did he make the right decision in the story about his son? What do we learn about him from the opening scene?

If you like this, try: Hart’s “Laugh at My Pain” and the stand-up comedy of Chris Rock and Richard Pryor

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Comedy Documentary

Think Like a Man

Posted on April 19, 2012 at 6:17 pm

A gimmicky best-selling book about love, sex, and marriage has been made into a high-concept romantic comedy with an all-star cast. “He’s Just Not That Into You”? No, that was so 2009. This time the inspiration is the book by stand-up comic and talk show star Steve Harvey, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment. The advice is the same — the stunningly obvious and yet too often ignored principle that people will treat you the way you insist on being treated. If you expect a man to open the car door for you, he will — and he will recognize that you are a woman who deserves respect and courtesy. If you give it up within an hour of meeting him or continue to live with him without any prospect of building a real home and family together, he will think you do not honor yourself and he will not honor you. And some women need to learn to choose their men by their hearts, not their resumés. Both men and women need to learn that lesson in this ensemble story about a group of friends and what happens when the ladies take Harvey’s advice — and then when the men find out what is going on and try to turn the tables.

At the most superficial level, the movie is suitably entertaining, with beautiful and talented performers coping with a range of romantic challenges. There’s a player named Zeke (Romany Malco) and Mya (Meagan Good) who wants commitment. There’s Lauren (Taraji P. Henson), a very successful female executive who wants a “suitable” consort. An aspiring chef (Michael Ealy as Dominic) does not fit her PowerPoint-worthy strategic plan.

A “mama’s boy” who brings his mother along on a Valentine’s Day dinner (Terrence J) has to decide if he can allow another woman (Regina Hall as single mom Candace) to come first in his life. And Kristen (Gabrielle Union), who feels as though the place she shares with her boyfriend (Kevin Ferrara as Jeremy) is a frat house, wants a home that looks like grown-ups live there — starting with getting rid of the disgusting old sofa. The group is rounded out with a happily married guy and pepper pot Cedric (Kevin Hart) who is in the midst of a miserable divorce and self-medicating his hurt feelings with visits to strip clubs.

The cast gives the usual rom-com banter as much sizzle as they can, and there is a whole second level of pleasure just in seeing these stars get a chance to play romantic leads. Malco, terrific as a doorman in “Baby Mama” and a sidekick in “The 40 Year Old Virgin” makes an assured transition to leading man and Ealy has an enormously appealing screen presence. King, Union, and Hall should all be doing the roles that get sent to Katherine Heigel. It is good to see an almost all-black cast get a chance to make a glossy romantic comedy but it would be great to see them do something more than the usual multiplex formula. A few Tyler Perry jokes (however welcome) are not enough to make this feel anything other than disappointingly generic.

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Based on a book Comedy Romance