The Pink Panther

Posted on February 8, 2006 at 3:35 pm

Anyone remember Ted Wass? He starred in Curse of the Pink Panther.

Alan Arkin (Inspector Clouseau) tried to step into the banana-slipping shoes of Peter Sellers as Inspector Clouseau. Roberto Benigni played the title role in Son of the Pink Panther). Their performances were forgettable. If only the movies were, too, but, alas, they live on as painful memories.

In spite of all this, Steve Martin now gives it a try, in a script he co-wrote. This is a prequel to the original The Pink Panther that updates the bumbling inspector to the era of cell phones, the Internet, and Viagra. In the first few minutes, there’s a hit on the head, an electric shock, and a goat stampede. As we filed out of the theater during the credits, some wise guy made hand shadows on the screen and they were more entertaining than anything we’d seen there all evening. This is less like Peter Sellers and Blake Edwards and more like “Ernest Goes to Paris.”

Here is what is not funny: Steve Martin pursing his lips. Steve Martin mangling a French accent (hint: this idea works better when the story does not take place in France, where everyone is supposed to be speaking French, and when the “funny” accent is almost indistinguishable from the not-funny accents of other non-French people pretending to be French by speaking through their noses). It is especially not funny when an accent specialist tries to teach Clouseau how to ask for a hamburger, because what begins as not funny is then repeated, becoming not-funnier every time. It is not funny that it appears that two characters are having sex or that two men have to share a bed. And even the slapstick is mostly not funny because it is staged so poorly. The movie wastes the considerable talents of Beyonce Knowles.

Here is what is not so bad: Steve Martin has a funny walk and a cute little car. I give him credit for going back to the original source of the title — the Pink Panther is a huge diamond. Emily Mortimer is adorable. There is a funny joke about camouflage. Jean Reno looks uncomfortable but he is gracious as ever and brings a little class to his corner of the film. And in a very brief cameo, Clive Owen shows us what we’re missing in not having him as the new James Bond. Like the original Henry Mancini theme song, his presence only reminds us of what we’d rather be watching.

Parents should know that the movie has some inexcusably crude and vulgar humor for a PG movie, including potty jokes, a Viagra gag, sexual harassment humor and skimpy clothes. A woman sits on a man’s shoulders with his head in her crotch and there is what appears to be an athletic (though clothed) sexual encounter (this mistaken impression is supposed to be funny). It is also supposed to be funny that two men share a bed. Electrodes are pushed down pants and later we see the crotch of the pants is smoking. There is some crude language (Clouseau says he wants to seduce a witness and “pump” her for information). Characters drink in social settings. There is a great deal of head-bonking comic humor, including electric shocks, crashes, and explosions, with some injuries and two characters are murdered.

Families who see this movie should talk about why Dreyfus would think that it would make him look good to hire someone who could not do a good job. Why did Ponton grow to respect Clouseau?

Families who enjoy this movie will also enjoy the 1963 original with Peter Sellers, The Man Who Knew Too Little with Bill Murray, and The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!.

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Comedy Remake

Thank You for Smoking

Posted on February 5, 2006 at 3:56 pm

A-

Lowest Recommended Age:	High School
MPAA Rating:	Rated R for language and some sexual content.
Profanity:	Very strong and crude language
Alcohol/ Drugs:	A theme of the movie
Violence/ Scariness:	Comic peril and violence
Diversity Issues:	None
Date Released to Theaters:	2006
Date Released to DVD:	2006
Amazon.com ASIN:	B000H0MKOC

Michael Kinsley famously said that the crime in campaign finance is not what’s illegal — it’s what’s legal. That also applies to campaign finance’s even sleazier cousin, lobbying.

Lobbyists are paid by groups, mostly business groups, to prevent legislators from writing laws that they perceive as harmful to their interests and encourage them to pass laws that protect and enchance their interests. Every industry, every company, every special interest, every person is represented by someone with a firm handshake and an easy smile who knows how to use money, information, friends and enemies, more money, carefully selected facts, an ability to shift the focus of the argument, publicity and secrecy and even more money, to get what they want.

And no one is better at it than Nick (as in “Old Nick?”) Naylor (as in Nail-er?), played by Aaron Eckhart. He represents the association with the most money and the worst public relations problem: the tobacco industry. Put Nick on a television talk show with cancer victims and he will explain that the tobacco industry doesn’t want anyone to die — they’d be losing a customer. Then he does a judo flip on the argument and turns it into a discussion of freedom and personal responsibility. How are you going to argue with that? A crusading senator, a scheming reporter, and a former tobacco company ad model turned anti-smoking activist find out just how hard that is.

This is not a movie about cigarettes. It is, in a way, about freedom and personal responsibility. When asked why he does it, Nick resorts to the “yuppie Nuremburg defense” — the mortgage. He’s just trying to make a living and take care of his family. How are you going to argue with that?

But there’s another reason he does it. He’s good at it. He’s better at it than he is at anything else. He is a master of misdirection. He can spin an argument like a top. That’s hard to give up.

On the other hand, Nick has lost his wife and his only friends are the lobbyists for equally unpopular clients — the alcohol and gun industries. And he has a son who is old enough to understand what he does. Can Nick spin his son? Does he want to? Can he ever stop spinning himself?

The screenplay, brilliantly adapted by first-time director Jason Reitman from the novel by Christopher Buckley, crackles with intelligence and insight, not just about the workings of Washington (and, with a
hilariously incisive cameo by Rob Lowe, Hollywood), but also about friends, parenting, work, tough choices, paying the mortgage, and, of course freedom and personal responsibility. Most of all, it is about the obligation and the challenge of independent thinking, of questioning assumptions.

Vivid performances by reliables like Robert Duvall and William H. Macy are master classes in one of the toughest categories of acting. They need to commit fully to the characters as believable dramatic figures but they need to do it to the slightly exaggerated rhythms of satire, and they both nail it. The under-rated Sam Elliott gives his best performance ever as the former cowboy symbol of a rugged smoker, now dying from lung cancer. His negotiation scene with Nick is the highlight of the movie.

Maria Bello and David Koechner are right on the money as Nick’s fellow MOD (“merchant of death”) Squad lobbyists. The weakest parts of the book are the weakest scenes in the movie — a bungled kidnapping and involvement with a pretty reporter (Katie Holmes). But, like its main character, the film is less spinning than completely winning.

Parents should know that this movie has a great deal of very mature material, including very strong and crude language, explicit sexual references and situations, some comic violence, and a lot of corrupt and unethical behavior. The main character is a lobbyist for the tobacco industry and advocates smoking. His closest friends are lobbyists for the alcohol and gun industries and there is a lot of cynical and irreverent talk about the benefits of all three.

Families who see this movie should talk about Nick’s “mortgage” justification for what he does. What is the real reason? Is he wrong? Is the system wrong? What should the rules be? Who in the movie is honest? How do you know? They might like to learn more about the current lobbying scandal involving Jack Abramoff and reform efforts currently being debated. A transcript of a real-life interview of a Tobacco Institute representative like Nick is available here.

Families who enjoy this movie will also enjoy Primary Colors, Wag the Dog, Nashville, and The Seduction of Joe Tynan.

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Comedy Movies -- format

Imagine Me & You

Posted on January 28, 2006 at 4:02 pm

Lowest Recommended Age:	High School
MPAA Rating:	Rated R for some language and sexual material.
Profanity:	Some strong language
Alcohol/ Drugs:	Social drinking
Violence/ Scariness:	Tense emotional scenes
Diversity Issues:	A theme of the movie
Date Released to Theaters:	2006
Date Released to DVD:	2006
Amazon.com ASIN:	B000F7CEBG

Love at first sight can be thrilling, but it can very very inconvenient when it happens to a bride who is walking down the aisle at the time. Especially if the loved-at-first-sight object of affection is another woman.

Rachel (Piper Perabo) is about to get married to Heck (Matthew Goode). But then she sees Luce (Lena Headey), the florist, and the connection is immediate and irreversible. And so we get the usual do-si-do until everyone lives happily ever after.

Romantic comedies take place between the meet (usually “cute”) and the happily ever after.

In between, the movie’s job is to get us rooting for the couple while it comes up with entertaining ways to keep them apart long enough for us to finish our popcorn and well enough that we feel that they’ve earned that happy ending.

Two traditional rom-com set-ups are immediate conflict (Bringing Up Baby, where a character summarizes the meta-theme of romantic comedies: “The love impulse in men frequently reveals itself in terms of conflict.”) and what I call the “boy who cried wolf” theme, where someone tells a lie and gets deeper and deeper, afraid to tell the truth to the trusting soul he/she now adores.

The first catgory (The African Queen, My Fair Lady, It Happened One Night, Moonstruck, When Harry Met Sally) depicts the sparks and the chemistry while the second (Some Like it Hot, Roman Holiday, Guys and Dolls) is a metaphor for the conflicts we feel as we reach for intimacy and authenticity but resist the vulnerability. Some set-ups, like The Taming of the Shrew combine the two.

In dramas, too, there has to be something keeping the couple apart. We often see the barriers of family (West Side Story, Slpendor in the Grass) or history (Casablanca, The English Patient). But romantic comedies are usually about overcoming initial dislike or becoming more honest.

This film’s trendy twist is that the heroine leaves the man she thought she loved for the female florist who decorated her wedding. But the real departure is not the gender of the loved one — it is the violation of the “almost” rule of comedy. Brides are supposed to run away just before the “I now pronounce.” In this film, she goes through with the wedding, one of several reasons that keep it from achieving the spirit of lightness and possibility that are essential for any romantic comedy, no matter what the gender of the couple. Despite some clever dialogue and the sympathy it creates for its characters, the movie’s essential mis-handling of its tone keeps it from working. The problem is not the same-sex romance; it is the disconnect between the lightness of atmosphere and the seriousness of a heart-breaking betrayal. If the movie is going to be named for a bubble-gummy 1960’s pop song, it had better stay just at the “almost” edge. Once this one goes over, giving us a groom who does not deserve to be treated this way, the movie just can’t recover.

Parents should know that the subject of this movie is a previously heterosexual woman who falls in love with another woman. There are sexual references and non-explicit situations, including same-sex kisses and references to watching porn (with some spicy titles) and to a man who likes sleeping with lots of women and propositions many of them. All of this is played for humor. Characters use some strong and crude language. There are references to depression and some unpleasant family situations. Characters drink alcohol.

Families who watch this movie should talk about what the parents of the characters most wanted for their children.

Families who enjoy this movie will also enjoy Four Weddings and a Funeral and Love, Actually.

Related Tags:

Comedy Drama Movies -- format Romance

Big Momma’s House 2

Posted on January 27, 2006 at 4:06 pm

C-

Lowest Recommended Age:	Middle School
MPAA Rating:	Rated PG-13 for some sexual humor and a humorous drug reference.
Profanity:	Strong and crude language
Alcohol/ Drugs:	Drug reference
Violence/ Scariness:	Action peril and violence, shooting and punching
Diversity Issues:	None
Date Released to Theaters:	2006
Date Released to DVD:	2006
Amazon.com ASIN:	B000F1IQHI

The poster for this movie shows Martin Lawrence in fat-lady drag tugging at a wedgie. This is as funny as it gets.

A completely unnecessary sequel to a mildly amusing 2000 movie with Martin Lawrence as an FBI agent who goes undercover as an outspoken grandmother, this time has him under-undercover as nanny to a computer whiz named Fuller who may be involved with a program to hack into national security databases.

Malcolm’s now married to Sherry (Nia Long), who is expecting a baby, so he has taken a desk job because field work is too dangerous. (Though dressing up as the Safety Eagle for school assemblies has its own dangers; he accidentally sets himself on fire, mortifying his stepson.)

But he misses working on cases. So he tells the office he is taking leave and puts on Big Momma’s fatsuit, muumuu and gigantic lace thong to apply for a nanny position with Fuller’s dysfunctional family.

It’s a little The Pacifier and a little Bringing Down the House, as Malcolm solves the problems of the over-scheduled, under-loved Fuller children (sullen teen, neglected girl, two-year-old who doesn’t talk) while tracking down the bad guys, visiting a spa (ogling the pretty girls, melting the fat suit with a hot rock treatment, advising the other women that the secret to a happy marriage is “giving it up”), running in slo-mo down the beach with Bo Derek-style cornrows, wearing funny outfits and making funny faces. Well, they’re supposed to be funny, but so is the scene where Malcolm cheers up the depressed family dog by feeding him tequila. And so is the scene where Big Momma makes the little girl suddenly popular by teaching all her friends to move like pole dancers. And those aren’t funny, either.

In other words, it’s not just disappointingly lackluster, derivative, and lazy, it’s also out of touch and creepy.

Parents should know that the movie includes
crude humor, with jokes about dirty diapers, nudity, what teenaged boys want from girls,
thong underwear, “naked pictures of Billy D.,” and
some slang terms for body parts. It is supposed to be
endearing that Big Momma teaches a group of little
girls to sway their hips and thrust their pelvises
like strippers, with a mother happily bumping and grinding along. Big Momma gives the dog tequila.
Characters use some strong and crude language and
there are mild sexual references. The movie also
includes some violence, including shooting and
punching. Some viewers will be offended by the magical Negro concept of a non-white person whose role in the story is to bring authenticity and values to clueless white people, an inverse form of bigotry.

Families who see this movie should tal about why Malcolm
did not tell Sherry the truth. Why was his stepson ashamed of him? What was the most important lesson the Fuller family?

Families who enjoy this movie will also enjoy the original and Mrs. Doubtfire.

Something New

Posted on January 23, 2006 at 12:06 pm

Lowest Recommended Age:	Middle School
MPAA Rating:	Rated PG-13 for sexual references.
Profanity:	Some strong language
Alcohol/ Drugs:	Drinking
Violence/ Scariness:	Tense confrontations
Diversity Issues:	A theme of the movie
Date Released to Theaters:	2006
Date Released to DVD:	2006
Amazon.com ASIN:	B000F3UA5C

They are so afraid we won’t get the point that this movie has our heroine literally letting down her hair, literally putting some color into her beige world, and — in case we still don’t get it — literally having her undernourished garden bloom. And yet, we go with it, thanks to a luminous performance by Sanaa Lathan, who has us rooting for her from the beginning.

She plays Kenya, a very successful investment banker who spends Valentine’s Day with her three best girlfriends — a judge, a doctor, and a lawyer — all wishing they could find love.

Kenya thinks she knows what she wants. She has a list. But love has a way of teaching us — often with great discomfort — that we don’t always know what we want. And ever since Jane Austen, romantic comedies are there to let us enjoy that lesson because it is happening to someone else.

Kenya agrees to go on a blind date, but she is so unsettled when she discovers that he is white she abruptly tells him it can’t work and walks out. Later, when she admires a friend’s garden, it turns out he was the landscape architect and she hires him to — metaphor alert — create a beautiful oasis in the neglected back yard of her new house.

Not only is Brian (Simon Baker) missing the attributes on Kenya’s list, he has a few items on her “no” list — like a dog, and a job where he doesn’t have to wear a tie. But he is kind and smart and considerate, and he knows how to make things bloom. He likes Kenya very, very much. And the her that he likes is a her she’d like to be more of the time — maybe.

Kenya has devoted all of her energy to being what her parents wanted her to be. When Brian urges her to remove her long, straight, glossy hair weave, her aristocratic and a bit pretentious mother wails, “But it was your crowning glory!” Kenya gently reminds her that it wasn’t really hers.

It was her mother’s opinion that strong, bright colors are for children, so everything in Kenya’s new house is beige. Soon Brian has her dipping a paint brush into deep, rich colors, and, of course, splashing it around a little, too.

Kenya wants to think of it as a fling, a momentary Lady Chatterly detour from the path of searching for the IBM (Ideal Black Man). That way, she does not have to think about what her parents or her friends think or about her list (which is a reflection of her parents and her friends). And if he’s just a fling, she does not have to think about her own prejudices. Until an IBM (Blair Underwood) shows up, a handsome and successful lawyer who wants commitment. He is everything she ever wanted. Isn’t he?

This is a glossy romantic comedy with an appealing heroine and some bright dialogue and the theme of racial differences, with the black family highly educated and affluent referring to the landscape architect as “the help” adds a little freshness to a traditional when-will-she-realize-he’s-her-true-love storyline. Another bonus is a superb soundtrack by former Prince-ites Wendy and Lisa. If the over-perfect devotion of the boyfriend makes it less of a date movie than a chick flick (he’s not allowed some sympathy for a bad day?), the sweetness of the relationship and the tartness of the wisecracks around it keep it, if not something new, at least, something welcome.

Parents should know that this movie has some strong sexual references for a PG-13 and some non-explicit sexual situations. Characters drink (scenes in a bar) and use some strong language. A strength of the movie is its portrayal of a loving and devoted inter-racial relationship.

Families who see this movie should talk about why it was so hard for Kenya to be honest with herself about what she wanted.

Families who enjoy this movie will also enjoy Love and Basketball and Brown Sugar (also starring Lathan), Annie Hall, and Before Sunrise.

Related Tags:

Comedy Drama Movies -- format Romance