My Dead Friend Zoe

Sonequa Martin-Green gives an exquisite, unforgettable performance in a story of love, grief, memory, and healing, “My Dead Friend Zoe.” First-time writer/director Kyle Hausemann-Stokes was a Bronze Star-awarded paratrooper in the US Army who served as a convoy commander in Iraq. He brings enormous specificity and understanding to an “inspired by a true story” film, with Martin-Green as Merit, a veteran struggling with PTSD. As she says, her struggle is not over “an incident but a person.”

That person is Zoe, played with warmth and bone-dry humor by Natalie Morales. Merit and Zoe have the kind of deep connection that comes from a similar response to intense and terrifying circumstances rather than some of the factors that sustain other friendships like interests in common. The way they talk to each other shows that their rhythms synch perfectly. They can finish each other’s thoughts; they are endlessly supportive through and in spite of perpetual teasing; they can switch seamlessly from joking to, if not seriousness, joking grounded by sincerity. When male soldiers demean Merit with sexist remarks, Zoe stands up for her friend, even though they outrank her. They utterly trust and rely on each other.

For that reason, Merit does not see that they have differences of increasing importance as their terms of service are ending.

Or rather, did not see. As the movie begins, Merit’s service has ended and she is back at home, profoundly traumatized. She will not let herself remember how her best friend Zoe died. Instead, she is awash in memories so vivid she feels like Zoe is still with her. And she likes that feeling. She is not ready to let Zoe go.

We can see why. Morales, always endlessly appealing on screen and here in a perfect role, the warm, wise-cracking, ride or die friend we would all love to have, imaginary if necessary.

Hausemann-Stokes depicts the imaginary character with assurance and exceptional delicacy, especially impressive for a first-time writer/director. It would be easy to make this concept intrusive or unintentionally funny. But we can see, thanks to sensitive writing and Martin-Green’s extraordinary performance. Oscar-winners Morgan Freeman and Ed Harris show up to provide able support. Freeman plays a support group counselor and Harris is Merit’s grandfather, Dale, a veteran whose service inspired Merit to enlist and whose early dementia is both another source of loss and a possibility of finding some purpose. Their scene together in a boat on the lake near his home is especially moving and one of many graceful moments that expand our understanding and move the characters forward.

Merit meets Alex (wonderfully appealing Utkarsh Ambudkar) and their immediate connection gives her the first sense of future possibilities, her first reason to think about leaving Zoe in the past. Hausemann-Stokes and his brilliant cast get the details right to bring us into this world and expand our understanding of our own struggles with loss.

Parents should know that this movie deals with wartime peril and violence, suicide, and post-traumatic stress disorder. Characters drink, smoke, and use very strong language. A character has dementia and there is family stress.

Family discussion: What is survivor guilt? How does Dale help Merit think about memory and loss? Why didn’t Merit know what Zoe was worried about?

If you like this, try: “The Outpost” and “Thank You for Your Service”