Bobby Jones, Stroke of Genius

Posted on April 30, 2004 at 6:28 am

C
Lowest Recommended Age: Middle School
Profanity: Strong language for a PG
Alcohol/ Drugs: Drinking and smoking, mild sexual references
Violence/ Scariness: Tense scenes, health problems
Diversity Issues: Depictions typical of the era portrayed
Date Released to Theaters: 2004

Bobby Jones was a great man and a great golfer. He deserves a better movie than this one, as clumsy as its title.

Jones may be the greatest golfer who ever lived. He’s the only one to win all four of golf’s top titles in the same year. And he was an extraordinary man. He overcame physical problems and family pressures. He graduated from two colleges and received a master’s degree and a law degree. And Jones refused to be paid for playing golf and turned down millions of dollars in endorsements and awards. He liked to point out that the word “amateur” comes from the Latin word for love. He played for love of the game.

And clearly, this movie was made for love of the game and for love of Jones, but it tells us rather than showing us, and then tells us again, and it takes a very long time doing it, too. Like the game it depicts, it moves very, very slowly. There are lots of long, long, loving shots of the sun-dappled greens, slow-mo swings and swelling strings, glimpses of golden light accompanied by hooting panpipes, and quotes from Kipling, Will Rogers, Tennyson, and then Kipling again. I know it’s a long movie, but really, we can remember it from the first time.

We meet Jones as a sickly child, growing up next door to a golf course, imitating the swings of the men who play and attracting the attention of the Scottish golf pro. He enters his first big tournament as a teenager. A skeptical journalist becomes an awestruck fan. Cue the swelling strings again.

Jones has a temper. When a shot goes bad, he swears and throws his club. “There are some emotions that can’t be endured with a golf club in your hands.” His grandfather, Robert Jones Senior, disapproves of his playing golf. His mother wants him to study literature. Later on, his wife wants him to spend more time with the family. He keeps getting sick. But he will not give up until he has won the grand slam of the four top titles.

The movie is nice to look at, and Jeremy Northam as the dissolute but resolute Walter Hagan adds some flavor to the story. But the other performances are as flat as the dialogue.

Parents should know that the movie has strong language for a PG and a child uses four-letter words. Jones’ swearing is an issue in the story and ultimately he learns not to do it any more. There are some brief mild sexual references (a character is teased that she “doesn’t pet,” a man is said to have broken “all eleven” of the ten commandments and refers to debauchery). Characters drink and smoke, sometimes to excess. The portrayal of minorities is consistent with the era, but may be seen as insensitive by today’s standards. (No mention is made of Jones’ Augusta Golf Club’s famous battles to keep women from becoming members.)

Families who see this movie should talk about the comment by one character that “money is going to ruin sports.” Was he right? They should all read Kipling’s classic poem If, still fine advice about growing up for boys or girls. And they should talk about the question asked of Jones at the end of the movie, “What are you going to do for yourself?” What did he do for himself, and why?

Families who enjoy this movie will also enjoy The Legend of Bagger Vance, with actors playing Jones and Hagan. Other golf movies include Pat and Mike and Caddyshack. Jones himself appeared in some short films demonstrating his stroke and they are available on video.

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The Whole Ten Yards

Posted on April 8, 2004 at 6:17 am

F
Lowest Recommended Age: Mature High Schooler
Profanity: Some strong language
Alcohol/ Drugs: Drinking and smoking, including comic intoxication
Violence/ Scariness: Characters are hitmen; fighting, gunplay, characters killed
Diversity Issues: Diverse characters
Date Released to Theaters: 2004

Could it BE any more atrocious?

This stupifyingly appalling mess of a movie takes the definition of “not funny” to a new low. The gravitational pull of its massive lack of humor is so strong that if you listen carefully you may be able to hear it sucking comedy out of actual funny movies right this minute.

Scardy-cat dentist Oz (Matthew Perry), retired hit-man Jimmy (Bruce Willis), former dental receptionist and wanna-be hitperson Jill (Amanda Peet), now married to Jimmy, and former wife of Jimmy Cynthia (Natasha Henstridge), now married to Oz, are all back for this sequel to The Whole Nine Yards. But someone forgot to invite a screenwriter. There is no story. There are no jokes. All we get is Oz slamming into walls, failed attempts at hitman humor and a lot of anticipation with no pay-off whatsoever.

Kevin Pollack provides a couple of bright moments as bad-guy Lazlo, father of the bad guy killed off in the last movie (also played by Pollack). But the rest of the movie is nothing but the teeth-rattling thud of one failed joke after another. The dialogue is terrible. The physical humor is almost painfully bad. The plot (Lazlo wants to kill Jimmy; Jimmy wants Lazlo’s money) is muddled and incoherent. Perhaps the most painful is the movie’s timing, which in overly optimistic fashion leaves moments for audience laughter that never comes, so there are excruciating sags in momentum after every would-be quip and pratfall.

With Almost Heroes and Serving Sara, Matthew Perry has now appeared in what could someday be a triple feature at the legendary Hell’s Multiplex theater in Esquire’s Dubious Achievement awards.

Parents should know that the movie is violent for a PG-13, with characters who are hired assassins. There is fighting and gunplay and characters are shot and killed. Some of this is intended to be humorous. Characters use strong language and drink, including getting drunk. This is also intended to be humorous. Characters use strong language. There are sexual references and situations, including off-screen sex vividly portrayed through sound and two naked men waking up in bed together wondering what happened. This is also intended to be humorous. It isn’t. Boy, it isn’t.

Families who see this movie should talk about why it is such an awful failure.

Families who might be interested in this movie will enjoy the better (R-rated) original as well as better films with Bruce Willis, including Die Hard and The Sixth Sense. And until Perry makes a good movie, they should stick to watching him on Friends.

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Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever

Posted on December 13, 2002 at 5:18 am

D
Lowest Recommended Age: Mature High Schooler
Profanity: Some strong language, less than most R's
Alcohol/ Drugs: Drinking and smoking, reference to drug use
Violence/ Scariness: Very intense peril and violence, many deaths
Diversity Issues: Strong, smart, brave characters from diverse ethnic groups
Date Released to Theaters: 2002

We don’t ask for much from explosion and chase movies, just some cool explosions and chases, plus some attitude, a couple of lines of snappy dialogue, an interesting bad guy, and a plot that doesn’t get in the way. This movie fails in every category.

It’s always a bad sign when a movie can’t make up its mind what its title is and so goes with two. And it’s an even worse sign when both titles are as dumb as these.

Antonio Banderas and Lucy Liu play Ecks and Sever, two brilliant agents who start out on opposite sides and then end up on the same side. There is some assassination device and a kidnapped child and a wife who was supposed to be dead but may still be alive. But mostly, the movie is about shooting and hitting, an endless barrage of bullets and bazookas to a point that is way past mindless fun and on the brink of being pornographic. The dialogue is not quite up to the level of awards-show cue cards, and the score is generic, bass-heavy techno-punk.

“Ballistic” is more video game than movie, though video games have more interesting characters. There is not much dialogue, and what there is is unforgivably dumb. Ecks sees Sever’s warehouse-sized collection of weapons and asks where she got it. She responds, “Some women buy shoes.” In addition to the pretentious fake-clever dialogue, we have pretentious fake-tough and even fake-meaningful dialogue that is even harder to sit through. And there are also endless shots of Lucy Liu shooting huge guns in slow motion, with her hair artistically flowing, plus even more of the usual magically bullet-proof characters who constantly run into gunfire without getting hit but manage to hit the other side every time they fire. It even has the unfathomably stupid cliché of the adversaries stopping in mid-battle to drop all of their hardware on the ground so that they can have a “fair fight.”

Parents should know that the movie has constant graphic violence and brief strong language. The only real strength of the movie is its portrayal of minorities and women as strong, smart, brave, loyal, and honest.

Families who see this movie should talk about the choices people must make when they are faced with enemies who do not follow the rules. How do you fight them without becoming bad guys yourself? Can someone be an agent without putting his or her family at risk?

Families who enjoy this movie will enjoy better films like “The Transporter.”

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Mary Poppins

Posted on December 13, 2002 at 5:18 am

A+
Lowest Recommended Age: Kindergarten - 3rd Grade
MPAA Rating: G
Profanity: None
Alcohol/ Drugs: None
Violence/ Scariness: None
Diversity Issues: The cause of votes for women is presented as unimportant, even daffy; subtext that parents should spend time with their children in
Date Released to Theaters: 1964
Date Released to DVD: December 09, 2013
Amazon.com ASIN: B00E9ZAT4Y

marypoppins5In honor of the upcoming “Saving Mr. Banks” and the 50th anniversary of the original film, Disney is releasing a superclifragilisticexplialidocious new edition of Mary Poppins.

Based on books by P.L. Travers (whose reluctance to allow a film to be made is the subject of “Saving Mr. Banks,” the film switches the 1930’s-era setting to the more picturesque London of 1910, where the Banks family has a loving, if rather chaotic, household. A nanny has just stormed out, fed up with the “incorrigible” children, Jane and Michael. Mr. Banks (David Tomlinson) writes an ad for a new nanny and the children compose their own, which he tears up and throws into the fireplace. The pieces fly up the chimney, where they reassemble for Mary Poppins (Julie Andrews), who is sitting on a cloud. The next day, a great wind blows away all of the nannies waiting to be interviewed, as Mary floats down.

Somehow, she has a mended copy of the qualifications written by the children that Mr. Banks tore up and threw into the fireplace.  To the children’s astonishment, she slides up the banister.Out of her magically capacious carpetbag she takes out a tape measure to determine the measure of the children (“stubborn and suspicious” and “prone to giggling and not tidying up”) and her own (“practically perfect in every way”).  She directs them to clean up the nursery, and shows them how to make it into a game (“A Spoonful of Sugar Helps the Medicine Go Down”). Once it is clean, they go out for a walk, and they meet Mary Poppins’ friend Bert (Dick Van Dyke) drawing chalk pictures on the sidewalk. They hop into the picture and have a lovely time, or, rather, a “Jolly Holiday” in a mixture of live-action and animation that has Bert dancing with carousel horses and penguins.

Mary-Poppins-RooftopMary takes the children ato see her Uncle Arthur (Ed Wynn), who floats up to the ceiling when he laughs, and they find this delightfully buoyant condition is catching. Later, Mr. Banks takes the children to the bank where he works, and Michael embarasses him by refusing to deposit his tuppence because he wants to use it to buy crumbs to feed the birds. There is a misunderstanding, and this starts a run on the bank, with everyone taking out their money. Mr. Banks is fired.

Mr. Banks realizes that he has been too rigid and demanding. He invites the children to fly a kite with him. Mrs. Banks realizes that in working for the vote for women, she had neglected the children. Her work done, Mary Poppins says goodbye, and floats away.

This sumptuous production deserved its many awards (including Oscars for Andrews and for “Chim Chimeree” as best song) and its enormous box office. It is fresh and imaginative, and the performances are outstanding. (Watch the credits carefully to see that Van Dyke also plays the rubber-limbed Mr. Dawes.) The “jolly holiday” sequence, featuring the live-action characters interacting with animated ones, is superb, especially Van Dyke’s dance with the penguin waiters.

The resolution may grate a bit for today’s families with two working parents, but the real lesson is that parents should take time to enjoy their children, not that they should forego all other interests and responsibilities to spend all of their time with them.

Family discussion:  If you were writing a job notice for a nanny, what would it include?  Which of the children’s adventures did you most enjoy and why?

If you like this, try: books by P.L. Travers and the documentary about this film’s Oscar-winning song-writers, The Boys: The Sherman Brothers’ Story. And go fly a kite!

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You Can’t Take It With You

Posted on December 13, 2002 at 5:17 am

B+
Lowest Recommended Age: Kindergarten - 3rd Grade
Profanity: None
Alcohol/ Drugs: None
Violence/ Scariness: None
Diversity Issues: The two black characters, a maid and her out of work boyfriend, are treated with some affection but also condescension.
Date Released to Theaters: 1938

Plot: The Sycamore family, a group of loving and lovable eccentrics presided over by Grandpa (Lionel Barrymore), includes daughter Penny (Spring Byington), who writes lurid plays, her husband Paul (Samuel S. Hinds) who makes fireworks in the basement with Mr. DePinna (Halliwell Hobbes), the iceman who came by to deliver ice nine years before and just stayed. Mr. Poppin (Donald Meek), who loves to make mechanical toys, has just joined them. The Sycamores have two daughters. Essie (Ann Miller) loves to dance, and her husband Ed (Dub Taylor) plays the xylophone. They sell candy to make a little money. The other daughter, Alice (Jean Arthur), is the only one in the family with a job. She works for a banking firm, and has fallen in love with the boss’ son, Tony Kirby (Jimmy Stewart).

A man from the IRS visits, to find out why Grandpa has never paid any taxes. The neighbors are all being evicted because the land is being sold to developers who intend to build a factory. And Tony’s very elegant and snobbish parents arrive for dinner on the wrong night, descending upon the Sycamore family just as Ed is arrested for enclosing seditious statements in the candy boxes and all the fireworks blow up. Various crises of finance and embarrassment and misunderstanding ensue, but all are straightened out, and everyone lives happily ever after.

Discussion: The well-loved play by George S. Kaufman and Moss Hart is given the Frank Capra treatment, sometimes called “capra-corn.” The entire populist sub-plot about the land being sold and the appearance of most of the characters in court are the additions of Capra and his screenwriter, Robert Riskin, and they make the film seem a bit dated. But children will enjoy the way that everyone in the family joyfully pursues his or her own dreams, and the way they all respect and support each other.

Discuss with children the way that some characters in the movie do not even seem to notice how eccentric they appear to others, while others notice and enjoy being different, and still others try desperately to appear “normal.” Children may have their own ideas about what “normal” means and whether it makes them feel entertained or uncomfortable to be around people who have a different idea of normality. All children feel embarrassed by their families at times, and it is worth paying attention to the way that Alice learns, with Tony’s help, that her family is not as unacceptable to the “normal” world as she feared.

Questions for Kids:

· Would you like to live in a family like this one?

· Which family member is most like you?

· Why did Tony tell his parents the wrong night for dinner at the Sycamore’s?

· Notice the difference between the way that the Sycamores and the Kirbys react when they get arrested. Why?

· What does the title mean?

Connections: This movie won Academy Awards for Best Picture and Best Director. Kaufman and Hart were the most successful playwrights of their day, and some of their other plays have been made into movies, too. “George Washington Slept Here,” with Jack Benny and Ann Sheridan, is a very funny story about a family that moves into a ramshackle house. “The Man Who Came to Dinner” is about a nightmare dinner guest who falls and breaks his hip and is stuck in the house long enough to cause complete disruption for everyone. Kaufman was co-author, with Edna Ferber, of “Stage Door,” about a group of young would-be actresses. It was made into a movie starring Katherine Hepburn and Ginger Rogers, and featuring Ann Miller, Lucille Ball, and Eve Arden. He was also the author of some of the Marx Brothers’ most popular movies.

Activities: Younger kids will enjoy Weird Parents by Audrey Wood, about a boy whose parents are even more outlandish than the Sycamores. Older kids can have fun getting a copy of the play and acting out some of their favorite scenes.

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