South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut

Posted on December 13, 2002 at 5:16 am

Parents may think that nothing can be more outrageous than the “South Park” television show, with its macabre humor, strong language, and singing poop. They need to understand that this theatrical release is much, much more outrageous and inappropriate for children and most teens.

Art imitates life, as the plot has its quartet of third graders sneaking into a Canadian R-rated movie and repeating the profanity they heard. This becomes so upsetting to the community that the US declares war on Canada. One of the children gets a V-chip implanted in his head that shocks him when he says something inappropriate. And Kenny, killed once again, ends up in Hell, where Satan and Saddam Hussein are homosexual lovers.

The movie has some sharp satire and genuine wit amidst the over 100 uses of the f-word and references to every kind of bodily function and singing sex organs. But any parent considering allowing a child or teenager to see the movie should watch it first, as it is much raunchier and more explicit than anything else the child (or, for that matter, the parent) is likely to have seen.

The Mighty

Posted on December 13, 2002 at 5:16 am

Max (Eldon Henson), a huge boy who has flunked 7th grade twice and Kevin (Kieran Culkin), a tiny disabled boy, help each other in this moving story of the power of friendship and imagination. Inspired by stories of King Arthur’s knights, they live by a code of chivalry and honor that leads them into adventures, some enlightening, some dangerous.

At first, each completes the other, Kevin telling Max what to do as he rides on Max’s strong shoulders. But Kevin ultimately helps Max learn to think for himself, and Max helps Kevin come to terms with his limitations by showing him what he has accomplished.

This is a good movie to initiate a talk with middle schoolers about the way that all 7th graders feel like outcasts at times, and how what Max learns from Kevin makes it possible for him to survive a terrible family history and an abusive father. Kids may also want to read the book, Freak The Mighty by Rodman Philbrick.

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Action/Adventure Stories About Kids

Wild Wild West

Posted on December 13, 2002 at 5:16 am

“The Wild Wild West” has the weak, weak script. It is not unusual to see a trailer that is better than the movie, but in this case the music video is brighter, wittier, and more exciting than the movie.

Will Smith may still own the 4th of July, but this year’s entry is much weaker than his 1996-97 one-two punch of “Independence Day” and “Men in Black.” His unquenchable appeal goes a long way toward making up for poor plotting and dialogue, but not far enough, leaving us with a summer popcorn movie — impossible to resist at the time, but leaving you a bit queasy afterward.

The 1960s television show starred Robert Conrad in a bolero jacket and very tight pants as a Civil War era secret agent. Like the newly popular James Bond, West was a spy who was infinitely attractive with the ladies and who always triumphed over the bad guys, who were always maniacs intent on three things — total world domination, killing West in fiendishly complex contraptions, and making sure that they conveniently explained all their plans to West in time for him to escape from the fiendishly complex contraptions and save the world again. West’s sidekick Artemus Gordon was a master of disguise and technology. Their most frequent foe was Dr. Loveless, played in the series by Michael Dunn. And the whole thing was very much tongue in cheek.

The big-screen version has Will Smith as West, all bolero jacket, tight pants, and attitude, with Kevin Kline as Gordon, Kenneth Branagh as Dr. Loveless, and Salma Hayek as the lovely Rita Escobar, who flirts with all three men and spends much of the movie in fetching 19th century lingerie with a brief detour into a union suit with the trap door open. The plot remains the same — Dr. Loveless, vowing revenge for losing his entire lower half in the Civil War, seeks total world domination, and West and Gordon have a week to stop him. There is some attempt to deal with the fact that West is a black man at a time when most black people had only recently been freed from slavery, but the fact is that the entire movie is so completely preposterous that the effort is awkward and inconsistent with the tone of the rest of the film.

Indeed, the overall tone of the film is awkward, not giving Kline or Hayak much to do, though Kline has a nice turn as President Grant and Hayak looks fetching in her undies. Branagh is happily over the top as the bad guy, there are some cool special effects, and Smith’s charm and grace carry it a long way, but not far enough to make it anything more than a pleasant diversion less raunchy than “Austin Powers.” Parents should know that there are some PG-13 sexual references, including prostitutes and Loveless’ impotence and a lot of cartoon-style action- violence.

Armageddon

Posted on December 13, 2002 at 5:16 am

The summer thrill ride movie is becoming as much of a 4th of July tradition as the picnic and the fireworks, and the 1998 version is “Armageddon,” the second movie of the year about a meteor headed toward earth. While the plot line is predictable (think “Dirty Dozen” crossed with “The Right Stuff”) and concocted almost by recipe (take one tough but lovable hero — Bruce Willis in his “Die Hard” mode — and add in a lovably diverse group of misfits, then wisecracks to taste and just a touch of sentiment and a dash of young love for seasoning), the 10-14 year olds in your household (and the 10-14 year old in many of us) will find that it delivers as a summer explosion movie. Parents should know that there are a few sexual references (one major conflict is that the main character’s daughter is sleeping with one of his men) and some strong language, but it is the intensity of the action that is the real cause of the PG-13 rating. Parents should also note that several major characters die. The age recommendation is only for kids who enjoy that kind of roller-coaster style excitement. Families should also discuss some of the moral questions that arise as people have to take risks and make sacrifices for the greater good.

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Action/Adventure Science-Fiction

Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo

Posted on December 13, 2002 at 5:16 am

Viewers will know exactly what they’re in for when the opening credits reveal the production company: Happy Madison. Anyone who recognizes that name as a tribute to two Adam Sandler movies will enjoy this genial but raunchy story of a hapless fish-tank cleaner who becomes an even more hapless “man-whore.” If that term makes you laugh, even after you’ve already heard it many times, this is your kind of movie.

The plot is “American Gigolo” crossed with “Risky Business” — a suave gigolo (Oded Fahr of “The Mummy”) has to go out of town, and lets Deuce stay in his glamorous apartment so he can care for his fish. When Deuce accidentally trashes the place, he must find a way to raise $6000 to get it back to normal before the owner returns. With the help of a friendly procurer, he gets set up on dates for pay with a succession of unhappy, self-conscious women (including Marlo Thomas, and what is that girl doing in this movie?). Meanwhile, a detective is pursuing him and Deuce begins to fall in love with a client who does not know that his date with her was paid for by her friends.

My biggest complaint about Adam Sandler has always been that he is lazy. His movies read like they were ad-libbed during an all-night beer bash. This time, he has managed to make an Adam Sandler movie without actually having to appear in it — that position is occupied by his fellow Saturday Night Live alum Rob Schneider, who co-wrote the script. The best that can be said is that it is in Sandler’s “Wedding Singer” tradition, with many references that will hit home for those who grew up in the 80’s and a sweet romance to lend an innocent quality to the potty humor and gimp jokes. The courtroom finale may be dumb and hackneyed, but audiences may find their “ewwwwwws” turning to “awwwwws” as Deuce’s clients each testify that all he did was make them feel good about themselves. Deuce is even able to make the detective feel better.

Parents should know that the movie’s R rating is well-deserved, with strong language and much of the humor coming from sexual references and situations, including the accidental viewing of a porno movie by a little girl, the detective’s exposing himself and complaining about his ability to satisfy his wife, a used condom, a body cavity search, etc. The movie also makes a lot of jokes at the expense of people with disabilities, including narcolepsy, Tourette’s syndrome, and blindness.

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Comedy Romance