Ted 2

Ted 2

Posted on June 25, 2015 at 5:22 pm

“Subtle” is not a word that naturally comes to mind for a movie that features a bong in the shape of male genitalia (which is more powerful — the longing for weed or the ew-factor of a straight guy who does not want to appear to be sucking on a dong-shaped bong)?  Or for a movie that shows us a fertility clinic accident drenching a character with an output of said body part, followed by a joke insulting African-American men and those with a genetic ailment.  A trifecta!

The raunch-fest “Ted 2” does indeed rely on gross-out, juvenile, misogynistic, homophobic, racist, marijuana-philic, oh-no-they-didn’t humor, though much of it is more humor-ish, fake-funny, outrageousness pretending to be comedy.  It spends most of its running time, too long at almost two hours, on jokes about bodily parts and functions, drugs, the joys of slackerdom, and pratfalls, which I admit pretty much sums up my least favorite kind of comedy.  So if the two examples above strike you as hilarious, kick my rating up a couple of notches and go enjoy yourself.

The parts I did enjoy were the low-key, random, off-beat moments, especially in the performances of Mark Wahlberg and, briefly Liam Neeson.  The gimmick may be the talking teddy bear, but the star of the film in every way is Wahlberg, who in the midst of a slob comedy gives a performance that is so precise and witty it is close to adorable.

Copyright Universal 2015
Copyright Universal 2015

“Ted” was an amiably crude film about a boy named Johnny who wished that his teddy bear would come alive, like Pinocchio, or the Nutcracker.  Ted does come to life and decades later, John (Wahlberg) and Ted (voiced by writer/director Seth MacFarlane), are happily still best friends, enjoying the pleasures of adulthood (sex, porn, weed, beer) while happily holding on to childhood when it comes to thunderstorms and responsibility.  The happy ending of course has to be unraveled for a sequel, so we begin with John now divorced from the long-time girlfriend who gently suggested he might want to grow up, and Ted getting married to his girlfriend, Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth).  After a great musical production number right out of a Busby Berkeley film, we skip ahead a year, and find Ted and Tami-Lynn bickering to the point of not speaking to one another.  So, of course they decide to have a baby.  This requires the assistance of a fertile male human.  Ted’s first choice is, of course, Tom Brady, so he and John come up with a plan to obtain a sample without Brady’s finding out.

It does not end well, so John volunteers to provide the sample himself, leading to the scene described above.  That does not work out well, either, so they try adoption, which brings Ted’s situation to the attention of the authorities.  Apparently, one has to be human to adopt a child.  Ted is classified as property, and is thus ineligible to adopt, work, or even be married.  This being America, they find a lawyer (Sam L. Jackson — get it? played by a very game Amanda Seyfried) to go to court and have Ted declared human.  This leads to a thoughtful exploration of existential ontology.

Kidding!  It’s just a series of dumb situations and dumb jokes made by dumb characters in various locations, including the aforesaid fertility clinic, courtroom, and very lovely home of Tom Brady, plus a pot farm and New York Comic-Con.  Giovanni Ribisi returns as the demented Donny, who conspires with the head of Hasbro (did they really consent to product placement in this film) to kidnap Ted because, oh, who cares.  Certainly not MacFarlane, who makes no attempt at any kind of storyline or character.  He just throws in a gross joke, pop culture shout-out, or surprise cameo (the cast of SNL!  Some “Star Trek” actors!  Liam Neeson, who clearly did not learn anything from his appearance in “A Million Ways to Die in the West!”  Patrick Warburton in a Tick costume!) instead.  Neeson is wonderful.  Wahlberg is terrific. But not enough to overcome the movie’s limp, puerile, vapidity.

NOTE: Stay all the way to the end of the credits for an extra scene.

Parents should know that this film has constant very strong language with crude and explicit sexual references, sexual situations, drinking, extensive drug use, comic peril, and violence.  Some of the humor is intentionally offensive. Some is is just offensive. See the thoughtful discussion of the racist themes and jokes by Wesley Morris in Grantland.

Family discussion: Is Ted human?  Who should decide?

If you like this, try: “Ted” and “Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle”

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Comedy Scene After the Credits Series/Sequel

Transcendence

Posted on April 17, 2014 at 6:00 pm

Transcendence2014PosterThink of it as “Her 2: The Revenge of Him.” Or Samantha infected by Heartbleed.

Just as in last holiday season’s Her, “Transcendence” is the story of an artificial intelligence contained in a computer program that becomes or is seen as human consciousness.  Instead of the warm, affectionate voice and bubbly laughter of Scarlett Johansson, we get the portentous monotone of Johnny Depp, as a scientist murdered by anti-technology activists, whose mind and memories and personality are uploaded to a mainframe before he dies.  Apparently he has time to read the Oxford English Dictionary aloud, too, so his voice can be preserved.

Cinematographer Willy Pfister, best known for working with Christopher Nolan, turns to directing for a story set in the world of the highest of high tech but grounded in hubristic themes that go back to Icarus and up through “Frankenstein,” and “The Unknown Known.”  Even with Nolan as producer, however, he is weak on narrative, pacing, tone, and working with his talented cast.  Morgan Freeman, Clifton Collins, Jr., Kate Mara, Paul Bettany, and Rebecca Hall have never appeared so toned-down and disconnected, just plain under-used.   Depp appears mechanical even when he is still human.  And the film has the unmistakable flavor of a recut following disappointing early audience responses.

A promising premise gets bogged down right from the beginning when Max Waters (Bettany) introduces us to a post-apocalyptic world where traffic lights no longer work and discarded keyboards are used to prop open the doors of bodegas that are out of more items than they have to sell.  The grid is down. It has been down for a long time.  And no one knows when it will be back.

We go back five years earlier to meet the brainy, gorgeous, and so-in-love couple Will and Evelyn Caster (Depp and Hall).  Here’s how adorbs they are; in her beloved garden (hmmm, Evelyn — is she Eve?) he is installing a copper canopy, to cut them off from cell phone signals and other technological intrusions).  They are on their way to present their work to donors, where he explains that she is the one who wants to change the world.  He just likes to work on cool stuff.

When he is fatally injured in an anti-technology attack led by Bree (Kate Mara) — we know she is up to no good because of the heavy eye liner — Evelyn decides she can keep him alive in some sense by uploading his consciousness to the mainframe.  Max helps her, but when it works, he immediately sees that it is a problem, and Evelyn, furious, tells him to leave.  Evelyn is so happy to have Will back in any form that she is happy to follow his directions.  Soon, his intellectual capacity is increasing exponentially and she is following his directions to take over a remote, all-but-deserted town, install a football field-sized solar panel energy generator and a five-stories-below-ground lair a Bond villain would envy.  She walks through endless corridors like Beauty in the castle of the Beast.

“It’s like my mind has been set free,” the computer-Will tells Evelyn.  The combination of the human urge for learning and growth and the unlimited capacity of the computers leads to problems that are only evident when Will is too big to stop.  Somehow, even his infinitely magnified intelligence and endless capacity to snoop do not make him capable of understanding women.  “Your oxytocin and serotonin levels are off,” he tells her tenderly, if a bit robotically), “I’m trying to empathize.”  This becomes extra-creepy (as in “Her”) when he tries to come up with a way for them to be together physically,

Will figures out a sort of 3D printer of any kind of cell, including human tissue.  He is able to cure any illness, heal any wound.  Without asking or even telling the patients, he tweaks them all as well, inserting himself into their brains.  Those anti-technology activist/terrorists are looking pretty smart now, but perhaps not as smart as the government, who allies with them only so they will have someone to blame.

We know where this is going because we saw the beginning of the movie, just two hours earlier.  Just to remind us, we get to see the exact same images all over again, but instead it reminds us we have not seen very much in between.

Parents should know that this film includes bloody violence with guns and heavy artillery and some disturbing and graphic images, some strong language, and some sexual material.

Family discussion: Was the computer consciousness Will? Did it stop being Will? What is the significance of Will’s name?

If you like this, try: “Her” and “12 Monkeys” (rated R)

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Science-Fiction Thriller

Last Vegas

Posted on November 2, 2013 at 11:57 am

Last_Vegas castOscar-winning actors are a precious commodity, usually doled out no more than one or two per movie.  But in this AARP-version of “The Hangover” crossed with “Ferris Bueller,” there are five, and the greatest pleasure of this film is in watching the evident pleasure they take in each other.  They appreciate each other, they trust each other, and they challenge each other.  Morgan Freeman, Michael Douglas, Robert De Niro, and Kevin Kline play the “Flatbush Four,” lifelong friends who grew up together in Brooklyn, the kind who cheerfully call each other  unprintable insults but who are always there for each other.  Remember the end of “Stand By Me.” when Richard Dreyfuss says, ” I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?”  These are those guys, 58 years, a few spouses, some medical issues and a grudge later.

Billy (Douglas), with a fake tan, a hair color that does not occur in nature, and a girlfriend a third of his age, impulsively proposes in the middle of a eulogy.  So, it is time to get the gang back together for a blow-out of a bachelor party in Las Vegas.  There’s Sam (Kline), marooned in retireeland, Florida, and horrified by water aerobics and dinner at 4:30, and, generally, being old.  Archie (Freeman) is living with his worried son (Michael Ealy), who smothers him with care and caution because he is recovering from a stroke.  And Paddy (De Niro) sits in his robe all day, surrounded by photographs of his late wife.  Sam and Archie are immediately on board with the idea of a wild weekend, especially after Sam’s wife presents him with a condom, a tablet of Viagra, and a reminder that “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.”  They persuade Paddy to come by not telling him the purpose of the trip.  Paddy is still hurt and angry at Billy for a betrayal that of course will be revealed, though by that time it hardly matters.

The Flatbush Four hear a nightclub singer named Diana (Oscar-winner number five, Mary Steenburgen, bringing warmth and wit to the movie) and they immediately like her very much, especially Paddy and Billy.  As the big night approaches, they are determined to party like it’s 1945.  And each one will learn something or decide something that will change his life when he gets home.

Listen, the plot developments are older than the stars.  Fun to see old guys live it up in nasty, racy Vegas!  Time to settle old scores!  The jokes are even older than that.  But these old pros get such an evident kick out of each other that they are able to find some honesty in what could otherwise feel synthetic.  And the chemistry between them cannot be faked.  We know these guys.  We know their faces and have watched them get older for many years.  Seeing them enjoy each other’s company is great company for us to be in.

Parents should know that this movie was originally rated R and then changed to PG-13 on appeal.  There is some strong and crude language (one f-word), a lot of drinking, sexual references and non-explicit situations, and girls in very skimpy clothes and bathing suits.

Family discussion: Who changes the most?  How did the four men end up so unsatisfied with their lives?

If you like this, try: the other comedy films by these actors including “Analyze This,” “A Fish Named Wanda,” “Bruce Almighty,” “Melvin and Howard,” and “Wonder Boys”

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Comedy Romance

Now You See Me

Posted on May 30, 2013 at 6:00 pm

B+
Lowest Recommended Age: Middle School
MPAA Rating: Rated PG-13 for language, some action, and sexual content
Profanity: Some strong language
Alcohol/ Drugs: Drinking
Violence/ Scariness: Action-style violence, characters in peril, references to sad death
Diversity Issues: Diverse characters
Date Released to Theaters: May 31, 2013
Date Released to DVD: September 2, 2013
Amazon.com ASIN: B00DWZHTRW

now-you-see-me-castThe most purely entertaining movie of the year so far is “Now You See Me,” and like all great magic tricks, it makes us delighted to be fooled.   We are warned from the very beginning that the closer we look, the less we will see, but even on the alert for the magician’s tools of misdirection and mirrors, it keeps us happily guessing until the very last second.  We might suspect the why, but the who and the how are another story.  One of the magicians tells us that stage magic is deception designed to entertain, delight, and inspire, and that’s just what this movie does.

Four magicians with four very different styles, all very independent, rather arrogant, and very competitive but none at the top of their field are brought together in a most mysterious manner, and the next thing we know, they are headlining in a huge arena sponsored by a multi-millionaire named Arthur Tressler (Michael Caine). The master of close-up magic and card tricks is J. Daniel Atlas (Jesse Eisenberg). Merritt McKinney (Woody Harrelson) is the specialist at hypnosis (and post-hypnotic suggestion). Henley Reeves (Isla Fisher) is an escape artist. And Jack Wilder (Dave Franco) is a pickpocket and locksmith. The very fine line between trickery and outright con is crossed now and then as we meet our heroes, or possibly, anti-heroes.

In their big, bravura, very polished show, they announce they are going to rob a bank where someone in the audience has an account. The man they select at random(?) is French. Is that a setback? Au contraire! The next thing we see or think we see is the Frenchman magically transported to Paris, inside the bank’s safe — just as it is about to open for business because Paris is seven hours ahead. And then, the money appears, and the magicians generously distribute it to the audience.

A French agent from Interpol (Mélanie Laurant of “Beginners” as Alma Dray — names are not this movie’s strong point) and a cranky agent from the FBI (is there any other kind?) named Dylan Rhodes (Mark Ruffalo) team up to investigate.  A professional debunker of magicians (a la The Amazing Randi) played by Morgan Freeman provides some guidance — or is that just more misdirection?

It would be wrong to say any more.  Just go see it to enjoy the tricks and the great performances and directions that are real movie magic.

Parents should know that this movie includes some strong language (a crude insult, f-word), characters in peril, drinking, and sexual references and a sexual situation.

Family discussion: What clues did you miss? Which kind of magic would you like to be able to do?

If you like this, try: “The Illusionist” and “Oceans 11”

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