Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return

Posted on May 8, 2014 at 6:00 pm

Legends-Of-Oz-4

“Oh, Toto,” says Dorothy (“Glee’s” Lea Michelle), “This doesn’t look like the Oz I remember.”

Tell it, sister.

Why why why why why take the most beloved family film of all time, based on a cherished book, and make a charmless sequel based, not on the other books by the original author, but on a story by the original author’s stockbroker grandson?

The original The Wizard of Oz has survived other attempts to build on its imperishable appeal, and it will survive this one, too.  A bigger challenge will be for the audiences who try to struggle through this version, much too long at under 90 minutes.

Here is what is not too bad.  The voice talent is excellent, with Broadway divas Bernadette Peters (as Glinda) and Megan Hilty (China Princess), a kindly Patrick Stewart (a tree), a dashing Hugh Dancy (Marshal Mallow — he’s a marshmallow, get it?), Martin Short as the wicked Jester, and shambling Oliver Platt as an enormous owl called Wiser (names are not this film’s strong point, either).  The opening credits spin out of a 3D tornado that is pretty nifty.

That’s about it.  The animation is garish and uninspired.  The songs range from forgettable to not awful.  The story is dreary.  And the dialog is painful.  “Emerald City needs all the heart and courage it can get right now!” says the Scarecrow (Dan Aykroyd) to the Tin Man (Kelsey Grammar) and the Lion (Jim Belushi) — Cowardly has been dropped from his name.  This is apparently a cue for some excruciating bro-talk like “Can it, rust-bucket!” Can you imagine a line like “I have a large piece of bark lodged in my hindquarters” in the original? TMI, Wiser, way TMI. The attempts at humor are especially tough going. When Dorothy is hauled into court, she has to face the “peanut gallery” of candy peanuts and a jury of her peeps made up of Peeps. When Wiser says he is scared of the dark, the response is, “You’re nocturnal. Get a grip.” Oh, and the flying monkeys are here, and their leader has a pink mohawk.

Emerald City is indeed in trouble and they need Dorothy’s help.  In Oz, years have passed, but back in Kansas it is the morning after the tornado and yet taking place in modern times — Auntie Em wears jeans.  Dorothy’s house has been destroyed and this movie’s version of Agnes Gulch is an appraiser (Short again) who says he is “government-adjacent” and condemns all the property in the area.  Before Dorothy can do something about this, she and Toto are whisked through a rainbow vacuum tube and find themselves back in Oz.

It turns out the Wicked Witches of the East and West had a brother, the Jester.  He is capturing people and turning them into marionettes, so he can take over Oz. He has even captured Glinda, using the broom of the Wicked Witch of the West plus a magical orb that intensifies its power.

Dorothy and Toto meet up with Wiser, Marshal Mallow, and China Princess on their journey. They have dreary adventures and finally arrive for the confrontation with the Jester, which is surprisingly violent for a film for children. Weapons include a sort of gatling gun. The China princess appears to shatter. But all is resolved, finally, so that Dorothy can go home and set that appraiser guy to rights.

The best one can hope for from this movie is that it will be a potent deterrent to those who want to try to make more Oz movies, and a powerful reminder to families that they can best go over the rainbow by watching the classic.

Parents should know that this movie has fantasy violence and peril and scenes of post-storm destruction.

Family discussion: What could Dorothy do that the others could not? How did what she learned in Oz help her back home?

If you like this, try: the Judy Garland “Wizard of Oz” and the books by L. Frank Baum (great for family reading aloud)

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3D Action/Adventure Animation Based on a book Fantasy Musical Series/Sequel Talking animals

Neighbors

Posted on May 8, 2014 at 6:00 pm

neighbors-posterI admit it.  My always-thin ability to finds humor in movies about irresponsible jerks who won’t grow up has long since evaporated, and if I ever found irresponsibility entertaining, I can no longer remember why.  Though I suspect this development has something to do with an overdose of the Apatow atelier, including Seth Rogen and writer/director Nicholas Stoller (The Five-Year Engagement).  I keep remembering Mae West’s answer when she was asked what advice she had for the youth of America.

“Grow up.”

“Neighbors,” which Rogen has described as a loose sequel to arrested development comedy “Knocked Up,” is the story of Mac (Rogen) and Kelly (Rose Byrne), a couple with a new baby who are not ready to cross the line into being grown-ups.  They love each other and they love the baby, but cannot quite relinquish the notion of themselves as primal in the world of what is cool and happening.  When a friend calls to invite them out to a club, they decide the thing to do is pack up all the baby gear and bring him along.  “Baby’s first rave!” they exclaim.  Then, because being a parent is so exhausting, they fall asleep.  Funny!

Not.

Just to hammer the final nail in the “you’re old and boring now” coffin, who should move in next door but a fraternity, led by Teddy (Zac Efron), who, Mac admits with admiration as well as envy, is so handsome and buff that he looks like he was designed by gay men in a laboratory.  Mac and Kelly convene on how to best introduce themselves to their new neighbors in a manner that shows that they are totally cool and yet conveys that it would be super-nice if the guys could just keep the noise down as there is a baby next door.  A few rehearsals to make sure they have the coolness down (not too much of self-deprecatory head shake), and they go over, immediately showing themselves to be idiots by joining in the frat’s housewarming party and getting very, very high.

Mac promises Teddy that if they have any problems they will go straight to him and not call the police.  Then, after his baby picks up a condom from their lawn, he calls the police, anonymously, he thinks, until the cop reminds him that they have caller ID.  Teddy, feeling betrayed, declares all-out war.   Mac and Kelly, unwisely, decide to escalate.

There are some funny moments, especially a Robert DeNiro-themed frat party.  But they get lost in a tidal wave of stupid humor like an extended sequence with the frat members raising money by selling dildoes modeled on their own…members. Did you think you could avoid a joke about getting stuck in the mold?  Sorry.  Really sorry.

Rogen does the same thing he does in every other movie.  Byrne is, as always, beautiful, on target, and delightfully game for whatever. It’s nice to see a female character in one of these boys’ club movies who is not relegated to telling everyone to grow up.  Efron and Dave Franco as his sidekick deserve better.  So do we.

Parents should know that this movie is exceptionally raunchy, with very explicit sexual references and situations and nudity and many crude jokes.  Characters use very strong language, drink, and use drugs and there is comic violence.

Family discussion: Why did Mac and Kelly want the frat to think they were cool?  Why didn’t Pete tell Teddy the truth?  What will Teddy do next?

If you like this, try: “The 40 Year Old Virgin” and “Knocked Up”

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Comedy

Fed Up

Posted on May 8, 2014 at 5:11 pm

Here’s another inconvenient truth.  Our food is killing us.  And that’s because of something even more poisonous, the corruption of our political system through diversion of corporate money to politicians through campaign contributions and lobbying.fed up poster

Laurie David, producer of the Oscar-winning Al Gore documentary about climate change, is back with “Fed Up” (the poster charmingly shows M&M’s labeled FU), co-produced by Katie Couric.  The message of the movie is that it isn’t a lack of self-discipline and exercise that is making us the most obese generation in history.  It is what we are eating.  The bigger message is about why we are eating what we are eating.  It is because we have outsourced public policy decisions about health and nutrition to corporations that don’t mind making our bottoms fat as long as it makes their bottom lines fatter.

For the first time ever, obesity presents a greater threat to human health than hunger.  And for the first time ever children are facing obesity.  This is in part because budget cuts in the Reagan years led schools to shut down their cafeteria kitchens and turn over the school lunchrooms to fast food operators, piling high-fat, high-sugar processed food onto children’s trays.  How much high fat and how much sugar?  What are the health effects of processed food?  We don’t really know because corporations spend a lot of money to thwart government regulations and academic research that would give us that information.  In one shocking segment of the film, we learn that a US cabinet official traveled to a global conference to threaten the cutting off of hundreds of millions of dollars in US funding if the portions of a report on the detrimental health impacts of sugar (putting it in almost the same category as tobacco) were not removed.  That doesn’t make it less true, of course.  It just makes it less known.  The comparisons to the tobacco companies are not unwarranted.

The documentary is less effective when it follows several of kids and their families as they struggle with diets and self-loathing.  But it is devastating when it documents the pernicious effect of corporate lobbying in thwarting government attempts to make healthier choices — or even better information — available.  Think I’m exaggerating?  See how they’re responding to the movie.  Hint: the answer is not a candid conversation with a commitment to rigorous scientific examination of the health effects of sugar, fat, and processed food.

Parents should know that there is brief bad language, smoking, and references to the dire effects of poor food choices.

Family discussion: What would you advise the families in this film?  What surprised you the most?  What will you change about the way you eat?

If you like this, try: “Super Size Me,” “Food Fight,” “The Price of Sugar,” and “Food, Inc.”  And try some healthier recipes!

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Not specified

Irreplaceable

Posted on May 5, 2014 at 8:00 am

F
Lowest Recommended Age: Middle School
Profanity: None
Alcohol/ Drugs: None
Violence/ Scariness: None
Diversity Issues: Expressions of intolerance
Date Released to Theaters: May 6, 2014

Irreplaceable” is indefensible.

My parents taught me that you automatically lose an argument if you (1) fail to state the other side’s views in a manner they approve or (2) fail to attribute to the other side the same good intentions you assume for your own. Focus on the Family’s faux documentary “Irreplaceable” fails on both grounds.  It probably also violates one of the Commandments as well, the one prohibiting the bearing of false witness.

I’m in favor of strong, loving families with responsible parents. You’re in favor of strong. loving, families with responsible parents. It is safe to say that there is just about no one who is not in favor of strong, loving families with responsible parents. It is about the least controversial position imaginable. But this film uses the rhetoric of support for family as a thin and increasingly cynical and specious cover for a pernicious agenda disguised as a “conversation.” It’s so smug, constricted, and phony that it does not even qualify as one-sided.

irreplaceable movieThe unctuous tones of the participants are intended to convey concern. But the false humility is merely an attempt to distract the audience from a poisonous message. Though some vague generalities acknowledge that in some cases marriages cannot be made safe and spouses must leave, the real message is that there is only one kind of family and everything else is unstable for its members and for culture and society. If it had any faith in its positions, Focus on the Family would accurately explain the views of those who embrace a variety of family structures and roles, allowing each family to find what is best for them.  Instead it slants and distorts those messages because it knows it has no effective arguments to make honestly.  It relies on innuendo and the basest slur to keep its base too scared to be anything but compliant.

The “experts” in the film tell us that the problem is that we are getting cultural messages about valuing self, possessions, and pleasure over the family.  Those are serious questions and worth exploring.  But they fall back on an imagined war between faith and culture without any exploration of why the faith community has failed to communicate its message more effectively or how the faith community or society as a whole could provide more support for families in need.  There is no place in the world of these experts for families that do not fit into their one-size-fits-all vision of mother, father, children all living together.  Is it possible for strong, loving, intact families with gay parents to raise happy, healthy children?  For single parents and blended families to raise happy, healthy, children?  Are fathers today more deeply involved in their children’s lives than in the falsely idealized vision of the mid-20th century promoted here?  Statistics say yes, but you would not know that from this film.  If indeed that era was so ideal, why did the overwhelming majority of those who grew up that way advocate with such passion for alternatives?

Those who wish to persuade others can best do so by building a bridge to establish a common foundation, making it clear that what connects us is more important than what separates us. Or, as they have done here, they can build a moat around their shrinking base, reinforcing the condescending sense of superiority of their own little group by telling them that only their answers work for everyone and playing into their worst fears and stereotypes.

One of the “experts” in this film tells us, “If anyone says they can fix the world, run.”  Yet that is just what they do here, imagining that once there was a heavenly era of intact families living out God’s plan without acknowledging that the mid-century “ideal” was neither universal nor considered ideal by those living in it.  The dissatisfactions that model engendered led to a cultural upheaval that created its own problems, but none so grave to lead to a widespread call for a return to stultifying, rigidly conformist norms.  While commentators in this film make vague concessions to those whose situations are so intolerable that the marriage cannot survive, the essential condescension, arrogance, and total absence of grace or compassion is its primary message.

With this cynical, meretricious and hypocritical film, Focus on the Family has dug a moat and burned the drawbridge. It purports to be about the importance of fathers taking responsibility for their children (again, something everyone agrees on, but you would not know that from this film). It purports to be about forgiveness, something else everyone agrees on, but it engages in the most immoral tactics by demonizing anyone who does not meet its standards.

I am happy for the person in the film who is glad his mother stayed with his father even after he went to jail for stealing money but that does not mean that it would be right for all spouses. And it does not mean I will forgive Focus on the Family for this shoddy, hateful, and dishonest film.

Parents should know that this is a dishonest film that attempts to hide its biased agenda.

Family discussion:  What families do you admire and why?  What can you to do help your family be stronger?

If you like this, try: “A Family is a Family is a Family”

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Moms’ Night Out

Posted on May 4, 2014 at 9:48 pm

B+
Lowest Recommended Age: 4th - 6th Grades
MPAA Rating: Rated PG for mild thematic elements and some action
Profanity: Mild language
Alcohol/ Drugs: Some drinking, references to substance abuse
Violence/ Scariness: Characters in peril, mostly comic, taser, tattoo parlor
Diversity Issues: Diverse characters
Date Released to Theaters: May 9, 2014
Date Released to DVD: September 1, 2014
Amazon.com ASIN: B00KO6EC4A
© 2014 AFFIRM Films/Sony Pictures Entertainment & Provident Films, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
© 2014 AFFIRM Films/Sony Pictures Entertainment & Provident Films, LLC. All Rights Reserved.

It may feel like a kinder, gentler, sweeter version of “Adventures in Babysitting” or “The Hangover,” but this charming story manages to avoid getting syrupy, even when everyone settles down in the midst of chaos for a little talk about God’s love. It helps that the conversation is with a scary-looking tattooed biker type played by country star Trace Adkins. It is a very funny movie with an exceptionally likeable cast and a warm-hearted, surprisingly touching tribute to moms and their families, as endearing as a Mother’s Day Card made from a paper plate covered with smeared finger paint and glittery macaroni.

Three moms are just hoping for a night away from cranky toddlers, crankier teenagers, and the perpetual chaos of parenthood, only to stumble into an even greater chaos that (spoiler alert) teaches everyone some important lessons about what really matters. Allyson (adorable Sarah Drew of “Grey’s Anatomy”), is a “clean freak” fighting a losing battle against the most powerful mess generators ever known, young children.  She thinks it would feel comforting to be locked away in a bare white room in a straight jacket. The result: Allyson feels like “the Bruce Banner of stay-at-home moms,” literally tackling a child about to put his finger in his mouth because she is worried about salmonella.  Danger seems to lurk around every corner.  Panic never subsides.

Allyson has a devoted, sympathetic husband (Sean Astin as Sean), but that only makes her feel that she is failing him, too.  Plus the readers of her mommy blog have dropped from four to three. Allyson looks up to Sondra (a nicely wry but heartfelt Patricia Heaton), her preacher’s wife, and thinks of her as “my Oprah, my Dr. Phil, my Gandalf.”  And her closest friend is Izzy (Andrea Logan White).  She has not quite figured out a way to tell her husband, who is very insecure about taking care of their twins, that another baby is on the way.

All three moms are in desperate need of some grown-up time, in grown-up clothes, eating food they did not cook and won’t have to clean up after, with purses emptied out of sippy cups and disinfectant wipes.  So, they make plans for an all-too-rare girls’ night out, get all dressed up, and head out for a very fancy restaurant.

Unfortunately, they never get past the snooty hostess (the always-great Anjelah Johnson-Reyes of “Bon Qui Qui”).  Instead, they find themselves caught up in a vortex that includes a missing car and a missing baby (the child of Sean’s sister), with trips to the emergency room and the police station, a tattoo parlor and cosmic bowling. Adkins has a nice scene as a tattooed biker with some surprisingly good advice. Every mom will relate to Allyson’s “pyramid of co-dependency” and the particular bleakness of feeling that you are living your dream and still cannot feel happy about it.  And to the mantra of the airplane directions for use of oxygen: If you are travelling with a child or someone who requires assistance, secure your mask on first, and then assist the other person.  And to “finding the meaning, joy, and purpose in all the craziness.”

Parents should know that the movie includes some peril (no one badly hurt), minor injuries, a character who gets tased, and references to alcoholism.

Family discussion: Why was it hard for Allyson to feel like she was doing a good job?  How do you find purpose in the craziness?

If you like this, try: “Adventures in Babysitting” and “Ramona and Beezus”

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