“Everything Else Was True” — “Catfishing” with Manti T’eo and on MTV

Posted on January 23, 2013 at 3:59 pm

Notre Dame football player Manti T’eo says that he was the victim of a heartless hoax. He thought he had a girlfriend who died of cancer. But no such person existed. Although he told people he had seen and spoken to her, it seems now as though his only contact with “her” was online.

This kind of fraud is now referred to as “catfishing,” based on the documentary that showed us a young man’s online relationship with a woman he thought was young, beautiful, and single, who turned out to be middle-aged and married. At the end of that film, her husband told a story.

They used to tank cod from Alaska all the way to China. They’d keep them in vats in the ship. By the time the codfish reached China, the flesh was mush and tasteless. So this guy came up with the idea that if you put these cods in these big vats, put some catfish in with them and the catfish will keep the cod agile. And there are those people who are catfish in life. And they keep you on your toes. They keep you guessing, they keep you thinking, they keep you fresh. And I thank god for the catfish because we would be droll, boring and dull if we didn’t have somebody nipping at our fin.

That young man was Nev Schulman, who now has a series on MTV about other “catfish” relationships. The episodes are heartbreaking, as over and over we see not just the pain of those who discover that they have been lied to, but the anguish of those who are desperate for intimacy and connection but do not believe that they can find it without misrepresenting themselves, and who don’t seem to understand that lying will just make them more isolated. “Everything else was true,” says one “catfisher,” who lied about his age, his photo, where he lived, and how many children he had.

Online relationships are inherently deceptive because we can’t help projecting more of our hopes and wishes than we realize onto the words on a screen. Parents should use the story of Manti T’eo and the “Catfish” television series to talk to teenagers about the importance of being careful.

Rules for a Middle Schooler’s iPhone

Posted on January 4, 2013 at 8:00 am

I love the rules from a mom to her son about the use of his new iPhone, among them:

6. If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. Mow a lawn, babysit, stash some birthday money. It will happen, you should be prepared.

7. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire.

14. Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO (fear of missing out).

17. Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without googling.

And especially this one:

18. You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You and I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.

These are great talking points for any parent and “digital native” child about the use of media and the importance of real-life interaction coming first.

Related Tags:

Parenting Tweens

Free This Weekend: Ebook About Parenting

Posted on December 29, 2012 at 8:00 am

This weekend only, get Annie Fox’s ebook, Teaching Kids to Be Good People: Progressive Parenting for the 21st Century for free on Amazon.

“Not all teachers are parents, but all parents are teachers. When we teach kids to be good people who possess the social courage to do the right thing, we help to make the world a safer, saner, more accepting place for all of us,” Fox says. This is a very personal, step-by-step guide to teaching your children to make healthy choices (online and off). Because being good is not enough. She explains that we have to do good and gives simple, accessible ideas on how to have “conversations that count.”

It’s a pragmatic and funny guide that includes essays, podcasts, prompts, tools, questions, answers, and self-assessment quizzes to help parents become engaged in this process and inspire your children to do the right thing when no one’s watching, and when everyone is watching.

Related Tags:

Books Parenting

And the Winner for Worst Toy of the Year Is….

Posted on December 6, 2012 at 3:39 pm

..the Fisher-Price™ Laugh & Learn™ Apptivity™ Monkey. The Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood has once again put the worst toys of the year to a vote, with nominees that are designed to promote commercial brands or media rather than performing the core function of toys: to entertain, to expand imagination, to teach, and to promote exercise.

With 33% of the vote, the stuffy with an iPhone in its belly squeaked past LEGO Friends Butterfly Beauty Shop (30%) to win the 2012 TOADY (Toys Oppressive and Destructive to Young Children) Award. The O ball (21%), the 7-11 Slurpee Maker (10%), and the Put Me In The Story app (7%) were the other runners-up.

The Apptivity Monkey succeeds the Vinci Touchscreen Mobile Learning Tablet as the reigning TOADY winner, illustrating mounting concerns about the push to get very young children hooked on screen media. CCFC member Teresa Lewis voted for the Apptivity Monkey, “because it is in clear violation of pediatrician and professional recommendations to keep babies and toddlers under 2 away from any screens at all.” She added, “It’s more like the Capptivity Monkey.” Noted Jennifer Long, owner of a child care center, “It’s bad enough that most toys for babies are battery operated and flashy/light-up, but now they are encouraging screen time as part of a toy. I’m sad for the sweet little babies that get an Apptivity Monkey this holiday and for the unknowing parents that buy it thinking it’s good for their baby.”

But other nominees had their “fans.” Voters were especially irked by LEGO’s marketing for the Butterfly Beauty Shop, which encourages girls to “get primped and pretty and have some serious salon fun” and “gossip out on the bench by the scenic fountain.” Kate Snyder said, “While I know there are lots of ‘bad toys’ to choose from that fall into that same category of gender marketing gone crazy, I was particularly disappointed to see LEGO going that route.” About the 7-11 Slurpee Machine, Casey Hinds said, “Toys should inspire the imagination instead of creating a desire to drink sugar water. I consider this the toy that keeps on giving…obesity, diabetes and bad health.” And Sarah Hellman succinctly explained her choice of the smartphone-enabled TheO ball: “Since when does a ball require instructions or technology?”

In the end, though, the Fisher-Price Laugh & Learn Apptivity Monkey wins the distinct dishonor of being named Worst Toy of the Year. It joins the Vinci, Nickelodeon’s AddictingGames.com, and the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader Barbie in the TOADY hall of shame.

Related Tags:

Parenting Preschoolers

Game Makers Push for Consistent Ratings on Multiple Platforms

Posted on November 16, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Television has parental guidance ratings that go from TV-Y (all audiences) to TV-MA (mature audiences). Movies have the MPAA rating system, from G to NC-17. The recording industry has a parental advisory label. Games are rated EC (early childhood) to A (adults only). All of these ratings have problems — for one reason, they are all imposed by the industry itself, which creates conflicts of interest. The procedures and criteria should be more transparent. And it is confusing to have so many different standards.But there was good news this week when John Riccitiello, the head of Electronic Arts, made a presentation to top government officials calling for a significant improvement in game ratings — consistency across all platforms. When the ratings were developed, games were played on computers and stand-alone devices. Now they are played on a much wider range of options including smartphones and social media. “We must move beyond the alphabet soup of game ratings and consolidate behind a single standard that consumers will recognize and, ultimately, demand,” he said. A good step in the right direction.