Anatomy of Every Movie Ever
Posted on August 26, 2014 at 3:59 pm
This is hilarious and, I have to say, accurate. Thank you, John Atkinson of Wrong Hands!
An R Rating for Being Gay?
Posted on August 22, 2014 at 10:00 am
“Love is Strange,” a tender, beautifully written and performed love story about a three decade relationship, stars John Lithgow and Alfred Molina. The MPAA has given the movie an R rating even though there is nothing in the film that normally triggers an R in the categories of language, violence, nudity, or sexuality. The only possible explanation is that the gay characters at the center of the story somehow put the film into the R category.
In the Star-Ledger, Stephen Whitty compared the film to the other two R-rated movies opening this week, which feature extreme violence and explicit nudity and sexual situations.
It’s a simple human story. And it is very hard to imagine that — if it starred, say, Robert Duvall and Jane Fonda as a similar long-time couple suddenly facing homelessness — it would be lumped in with movies crammed full of queasily stylish sexism and sickening torture porn.
(Oh, and by the way, that last “Transformers” movie — which memorably featured a man burnt to a crisp — was rated PG-13. So was “The Expendables 3,” a film whose body count would require a calculator.)
He’s right. And I agree with J. Bryan Lowder, who wrote in Slate:
Let’s hope parents are smarter than this. There is nothing “adult” or at all worrisome about a movie that quietly and gently portrays a gay couple and their struggles. To think otherwise is to participate in an insidious sort of homophobia that uses child-sized human shields to disguise basic prejudice. And the worst part is that Love Is Strange is exactly the kind of “gay film” that younger teenagers, both gay and straight, would benefit from seeing. For the former group it offers a vision of a gay romantic future that, while beset with a specific struggle, is also full of love, as well as a sense of community and history—older, happy gay people exist! And for the straight kids, the film can reinforce the dignity of gays and their relationships in a way that abstract lectures never could.
More Cliches for the Never Put This in a Movie Again List
Posted on August 16, 2014 at 8:00 am
Mentorless has a great list of movie dialog clichés that should be banned from all future films. I really miss the old Rotten Tomatoes show that had great compilations for lines like “That wasn’t part of the plan.” Here are a few from Mentorless:
1. Try me
2. This is your destiny.
3. Donde esta por favor?
4. I was born ready.
5. Are you sitting down?
6. – Is that all you got?
– I’m just getting started.
7. Cover me. I’m going in.
8. No, no, no, no, NO! I’m not going.
9. No. Come in. ____ was just leaving.
10. We’ve got to stop meeting like this.
And there are lots more great choices in the comments. I would like to add a category that was unfortunately prevalent in two of this week’s releases, “Expendables 3” and “Let’s Be Cops,” the casually sexist bro-banter demeaning someone’s manhood. Enough of coaches and other team leaders referring to the guys as “ladies,” and especially enough of insulting men’s courage by referring to them as p****ies. Please.
And film critic Dann Gire has a great list of visual clichés that should also be banned, from the slowly circulating ceiling fan to the “Wild Bunch march.”
April O’Neil: Feminist Progress or Passive Object?
Posted on August 13, 2014 at 8:00 am
Yes, the new movie is truly awful, but the gender politics, at least, have improved.
When Megan Fox was cast as April, Laird complained that there were “hundreds of better choices for the role.” But Fox—the actress Bay previously hired to play an animated wet dream in his Transformers movies, then fired for being too sassy—is actually perfectly cast as a woman who’s long been dismissed as just a pretty face, and is itching to step into a more challenging role. In this iteration, April still ultimately chooses to team up with the ninja turtles instead of exposing them to make her name as a serious journalist. But this time, the movie actually writes April her own superheroine backstory (as a little girl, April bravely saved the mutant baby turtles that later grew into ninja teens) and gives her a real motivation for compromising her career (she does it, naturally, to avenge her father’s death). Along the way, she’s allowed to push some big buttons, flip some important levers, and drop-kick some evil villains as she fights alongside the turtles to defeat a corporate terrorist hell-bent on chemically attacking New York City in order to secure some government grants. It’s all incredibly stupid. But at least it’s equally stupid for girls and boys.
On the other hand, my friend Sandie Angulo Chen wrote in her insightful Washington Post review:
Although the character of April was attractive in earlier “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” iterations, it’s disappointing (if predictable) that she’s overly sexualized in this installment. Mikey (Noel Fisher), he of the aroused carapace, is supposed to be smitten, but must he talk only about her hotness? Meanwhile, April’s loyal cameraman, Vern (Will Arnett), is perpetually ogling her body — even in moments of extreme peril. Maybe we shouldn’t be surprised by such fare from producer Michael Bay, but the character — not to mention young viewers of this Nickelodeon co-production — deserve better…Unfortunately, even during crowd-pleasing thrills, the comic relief once again circles back to the script’s favorite topic: April’s sex appeal. “Yes, that’s good,” Vern says, leering as she attempts a daredevil pose in a moving car.
Fiona Duncan looks at this version of April in the context of the previous Turtle Tales.
“We took the archetype of April O’Neil,” says Liebesman, “the damsel in distress, and really molded it specifically to Megan… April is a character with a lot to prove. She’s beautiful but everyone doubts her, so we needed an actress who could literally give that sense that there’s far more there than meets the eye.” His latter claim fails in this film, as there’s not a single scene where there’s not a big deal made out of Fox’s hotness. Hotness is the butt of every April joke, including a couple, well, on her butt.
The most feminist (as in, most believable as a human) April was Judith Hoag in the 1990, first live-action Ninja Turtle film. HOAG’S APRIL was smart, determined, and permed like an Adrian Lyne working woman; sometimes sexy, but not always. Predictably, Hoag was replaced by a more bubbly actress in the sequel (Paige Turco). “That was New Line’s call,” Hoag recently commented.
Looking at all the Aprils, we time travel through, not a history of American women or feminism, but of American entertainment media, including Hollywood’s move to fantastical franchises. April O’Neil is a damsel in distress now that she’s bound to Banal-lywood, which is distressing (Fox is a far cry from the independent arguably woman of color O’Neil started as), but what else is new?
They’re all right. I was glad to see April showing some spirit in this film, but sorry to see that one of the many disappointments of the film was the way that Liebesman and producer Michael Bay tried to have it both ways, with April asking for respect but the men making the film not willing to give Megan Fox any.
Guardians of the Galaxy Merch: Where’s Gamora???? Sigh.
Posted on August 10, 2014 at 8:00 am
Guardians of the Galaxy is enormous fun and a huge box-office hit, with loveable characters and a refreshing sense of humor about itself. Who wouldn’t want to extend the pleasures of the film with some merch, perhaps an action figure or a backpack?
The answer: anyone who is a fan of Gamora, the green-skinned assassin played by Zoe Saldana and the only female of the group.
Take a look at the Marvel Guardians of the Galaxy 16″ Large Backpack School Bag
Or take a look at this story of a woman whose children wanted action figures from the film. Star Lord Peter Quill? No problem. Gamora? Problem. Kira Stewart-Watkins writes:
Star-Lord is everywhere but there was not a single Gamora to be seen. Even on the Guardians of the Galaxy t-shirts, no Gamora. Hey Marvel! She is one fifth of the team, what they heck! Even my six-year-old son noticed and passed up a t-shirt because he wanted her on it too. I asked the store if they were out, they said they do not carry her and suggested a Rocket raccoon instead. Not The Same.
Other people say “Well, just order her one online.” Okay, wait, so I get to say to my son “Hey here is your Star-Lord action figurine, we will buy him.” and to my other child “Oh wait, no Gamora, well we can order her online and you will get her in 5 to 6 business days.”
Something is very wrong here. Marvel, 44% of the opening audience of Guardians of the Galaxy were women! I know! I have seen it three times. And this is not just a problem with Gamora. We had this problem with Black Widow. We encounter this problem with her DC favorite, Wonder Woman. (I found her Wonder Woman t-shirt in a thrift store. And my daughter made the crown and bracers herself because she loves Wonder Woman so much.) I understand the politics of it, but a four-year-old does not.
So Marvel, do you know what my daughter thought after not finding yet another superheroine she loves in stores? Do you know what she said to me with her sad green eyes?
“Maybe superheroes aren’t for girls Mom.”
Superheroes are for girls. Bonehead studio and merchandising executives on the other hand, need to get a clue. Many thanks to Jenna Busch for alerting me to this problem.