Ultraviolet

Posted on March 4, 2006 at 12:23 pm

C-

Lowest Recommended Age:	Middle School
MPAA Rating:	Rated PG-13 for sequences of violent action throughout, partial nudity and language.
Profanity:	Brief strong language
Alcohol/ Drugs:	None
Violence/ Scariness:	Intense and graphic violence, many characters killed
Diversity Issues:	A theme of the movie
Date Released to Theaters:	2006
Date Released to DVD:	2006
Amazon.com ASIN:	B000FGGE68

This movie hopes that it can distract you from its failure of imagination with the following:

Throbbing techno club music-style soundtrack

Sleek, towering futuristic structures

The toned body of star Milla Jovovich, magnificently displayed in a variety of skin-tight, midriff-baring outfits. She can change the color of her catsuits and hair, too.

Lots and lots and lots of shooting, kicking, swordfights, and explosions

But all of that can’t hide:

Cardboard dialogue that compounds its failures with a lot of repetition for emphasis and faux-seriousness. “It’s just the wind. Just — the wind.”

An unintelligible story line

Dreary performances by everyone in the cast except for William Fichtner as a kind-hearted scientist

A boring bad guy. In fact, a couple of all but indistinguishable boring bad guys.

You know all those fight scenes? Not very exciting, at its best a poor imitation of better movies

Milla Jovovich (the Resident Evil) series plays Ultraviolet, who isn’t kidding when she introduces the story by saying “I was born into a world you may not understand.” It isn’t that it is so complicated; it’s just not interesting enough to pay attention to. She’s a mutant and a part of a rebel group fighting the tyranny of the humans. She infiltrates their compound to pick up what looks like a boogie board-shaped briefcase containing some highly destructive biological agent and is told it will self-destruct if she tries to open it.

So, she opens it. And inside is a child. When she gets back to the rebel stronghold, they decide to kill the child, whose blood contains some, I don’t know, bad stuff of some kind. But Ultraviolet, whose pregnancy was terminated 12 years earlier when she became infected with the mutating pathogen, finds her maternal instincts taking over and she and the boy, whose name is Six (Cameron Bright, continuing a string of awful movies after Godsend and Birth) are soon on the run.

Inevitably, we have the 2/3 of the way through moment of peace and safety that shows up in most action films for all the characters to catch their breath, bond, and show their softer sides. Meanwhile, the bad guys stride through spotless corriders in buildings where weirdly calm disembodied female voices say things like “Switching to emergency backup lighting system.”

If only I could have found the button for the emergency back-up better movie system.

Parents should know that the film has non-stop action violence with a lot of shooting, stabbing, and kicking. Many characters are killed and a child is in peril and apparently doomed. Characters use brief strong language and there is brief non-sexual nudity and some barfing.

Families who see this movie should talk about the risks of bio-terrorism. Why does Violet decide to protect Six?

Families who enjoy this movie will also enjoy Blade Runner and The Matrix and Jovovich’s The Fifth Element (all with some mature material).

Aquamarine

Posted on February 10, 2006 at 3:26 pm

B+

Lowest Recommended Age:	Kindergarten - 3rd Grade
MPAA Rating:	Rated PG for mild language and sensuality.
Profanity:	Brief strong language for a PG
Alcohol/ Drugs:	None
Violence/ Scariness:	Mild peril, no one hurt
Diversity Issues:	None
Date Released to Theaters:	2006
Date Released to DVD:	2006
Amazon.com ASIN:	B000FCW15A

The best thing about this fairy tale is that its happily-ever-after ending is satisfyingly real world. It’s the most enchanting treat for girls since The Princess Diaries.

It’s less of a fairy tale than a fish tale, at least half a fish tale. Best friends Claire (Emma Roberts) and Hailey (Joanna ‘JoJo’ Levesque) can’t bear to see the summer end. They have had a wonderful time watching dreamboat lifeguard Raymond (Jake McDorman) every day at the beach. But the real problem is that they are about to be separated. Hailey’s mom has a new job on the other side of the world, in Australia.

After a huge storm, they find a mermaid named Aquamarine in a swimming pool. She tells them that she has just three days to prove to her father that there is such a thing as love, and if they help her, she will give them a wish.

Aquamarine decides Raymond is the one she wants to love her. Claire and Hailey are willing to help her with their crush because it means not just getting their wish to stay together but keeping him away from mean girl Cecilia (Arielle Kebbel).

Claire and Hailey are at exactly the age where those friendships mean everything and Roberts and Levesque have a believable chemistry whether they’re laughing, plotting, or arguing. Sara Paxton sparkles as Aquamarine. Her character’s confidence inspires the girls, but they learn even because they have to take care of her. That gives them a sense of their own strength and power and a greater appreciation for those who take care of them.

The story, based on Alice Hoffman’s YA novel, nicely blends the fantasy
elements with astutely observed portrayals of early-teen fears and friendships. That’s where the real magic is.

Parents should know that the movie has some brief strong language for a PG, including one use of the b-word. There is some slight peril and some discussion of crushes and who is “hot” and who has a good figure and a mild joke about all the girls and some of the boys having crushes on Raymond. There are plot themes relating to the loss of parents through death and divorce.

Families who see this movie should talk about why Claire and Hailey said mean things to each other. Who were they really mad at? What were the most important lessons Claire, Hailey, Aquamarine, Raymond, and Celia learned. Why?

Families who enjoy this movie will also enjoy some of the other classic mermaid movies, including Disney’s The Little Mermaid, Mr. Peabody and the Mermaid, the Fairie Tale Theatre version, and Splash (some mature material). And they will enjoy the book by Alice Hoffman. And they might like to read my interview with Sara Paxton about playing a mermaid.

Nanny McPhee

Posted on January 22, 2006 at 12:09 pm

Lowest Recommended Age:	Kindergarten - 3rd Grade
MPAA Rating:	Rated PG for mild thematic elements, some rude humor and brief language.
Profanity:	None
Alcohol/ Drugs:	Sherry
Violence/ Scariness:	Comic violence and peril, no one hurt, but there are shots of dead bodies in a mortuary
Diversity Issues:	None
Date Released to Theaters:	2006
Date Released to DVD:	2006
Amazon.com ASIN:	B000F1IQNM

There are seven children in the Brown family, and they are all very clever and exceedingly naughty. The 16th nanny has just quit because she thought she saw the six older children eating the baby. The nanny agency refuses to send over another candidate. Mr. Brown (Colin Firth) does not know what to do. And rich Aunt Adelaide (Angela Lansbury) says that if he doesn’t get married by the end of the month, she will stop sending the money they need to pay for their house.

Enter Nanny McPhee (Emma Thompson). She has two huge warts, a nose like a potato, and a snagletooth. She also has a big, gnarled staff, and when she hits the ground with it, surprising things happen. She tells the children that when she is needed but not wanted, she will stay, but when she is wanted but not needed, she will go.

Thompson, who also wrote the screenplay, clearly enjoys her outlandish get-up and her crisp but understated and dryly humorous delivery is perfectly suited to the part of the un-ruffleable nanny. Firth’s addled but affectionate father and Kelly Macdonald as a sympathetic housemaid add some substance and sweetness. Thomas Sangster (Love Actually with Thompson and Firth) as the oldest of the Brown children, has a light comic touch.

The movie is a little too self-consciously charming, set in a village so twee it would not be out of place in a Christmas display, with owlish children making adorably precocious quips. And some of the humor seems forced or even creepy, as when we see Mr. Brown working in a mortuary. But it is highly entertaining to see the children misbehave — and to see them get their comeuppance, and the happy ending, if unsurprising, is welcome and satisfying.

Parents should know that there is some gruesome humor and comic peril (no one hurt). There is a comic situation involving some accidental but graphic groping and a woman who takes this as evidence of her sexual attractiveness and a brief crude joke with the implication of incest. Some audience members may be disturbed by the (offscreen) death of the children’s mother or the potential wicked stepmother or loss of the family’s home. Mr. Brown works in a mortuary and the film includes shots of dead bodies.

Families who see this movie should talk about why the children were so naughty. What was the most important thing they learned from Nanny McPhee? What do you think about her rules? Why do her looks change? If you were nanny to the Brown children, what would you do? What does it mean to be needed but not wanted or wanted but not needed?

Families who enjoy this movie will also enjoy Mary Poppins, the Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle books, and The Storyteller, the classic story of a man who finds a very clever way to quiet some annoying children. Like the author of the books that inspired this movie, he knows that kids love stories about naughty children.

Underworld: Evolution

Posted on January 20, 2006 at 12:12 pm

F+

Lowest Recommended Age:	High School
MPAA Rating:	Rated R for pervasive strong violence and gore, some sexuality/nudity and language.
Profanity:	Some strong language
Alcohol/ Drugs:	Wine
Violence/ Scariness:	Extremely intense and graphic peril and violence, many characters killed
Diversity Issues:	A metaphorical theme of the movie
Date Released to Theaters:	2006
Date Released to DVD:	2006
Amazon.com ASIN:	B000F6IOBG

“Is that the same guy that was just sucking the blood out of the dead horse?”

That was my question to the critic sitting next to me in the middle of the movie. I liked the first Underworld. I thought it was comic-book fun and enjoyed its punk-gothic attitude and flashy design. But this sequel is an incoherent mess covered in sticky, goopy blood without one interesting action scene or fresh stunt.

Once again, it’s about the centuries-old battle between the lycans (werewolves) and the vampires. It turns out it all goes back to two brothers, one bitten by a wolf, one bitten by a bat. Selene (Kate Beckinsale, looking very fine in her leather jumpsuit) and mutant/hybrid Michael (Scott Speedman, mostly looking confused) found out at the end of the last movie that Victor (Bill Nighy, whose brief appearance that is the movie’s only bright spot) had lied to her about, well, pretty much everything, and now it is up to them to, I don’t know find something or kill someone or somehow save the world or at least themselves with a bad guy who looks like an anatomical drawing of the muscular system who has wings that act as a sort of impaling truth serum.

The juxtaposition of portentious “my lords,” “so the legend is true” and “you are unwelcome in my presence”-type talk with computers and helicopters is mildly fun. It’s handly to have the kind of fingernails that can pierce a paint can lid, and it’s cute when Selene crisply tells a man who says he isn’t afraid of her, “We’re going to have to work on that.” But it’s all kind of murky and never makes you care enough to figure our whatever it is.

Parents should know that the movie is very violent. A head is sliced off, bodies are burned, and many, many people/creatures are shot, impaled, blown up, and otherwise maimed and killed. Characters use some strong language and there is nudity and explicit sexual situations including a decadent setting with a man and two women.

Families who see this movie might want to find out more about the origins of the legends of vampires and werewolves.

Families who enjoy this movie will also enjoy Blade and the original Underworld.

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

Posted on December 7, 2005 at 3:25 pm

A-

Lowest Recommended Age:	4th - 6th Grades
MPAA Rating:	Rated PG for battle sequences and frightening moments.
Profanity:	None
Alcohol/ Drugs:	None
Violence/ Scariness:	Very intense battle violence with graphic injuries and sad deaths
Diversity Issues:	A metaphorical theme of the movie
Date Released to Theaters:	2005
Date Released to DVD:	2006
Amazon.com ASIN:	B000E8M0VA

The perennial children’s classic by C. S. Lewis has been lovingly, thrillingly, enchantingly, brilliantly brought to screen in this flawless adaptation of the first of the “Narnia” series. (Note for purists — yes, it is chronologically the second in the order of the story, but it was the first Lewis wrote.) It is one of the best films of the year for any and all ages.

Four children, oldest brother Peter (William Moseley), sister Susan (Anna Popplewell), brother Edmund (Skandar Keynes), and youngest Lucy (Georgie Henley) are sent to a huge old house in the country for safety during the bombing of London in World War II.

Told to stay out of the way of its owner, “The Professor” (James Broadbent), and stuck inside on a rainy summer day, they play hide and seek. Lucy sneaks into a huge “wardrobe” (a piece of furniture that is something like a closet). Behind all the fur coats, she finds pine branches and suddenly under her heel, there is a crunching of snow.

She meets a faun named Mr. Tumnus (James McAvoy) who at first thinks she must be some kind of beardless dwarf and then realizes she is a “daughter of Eve” — a human. He tells her she is in Narnia and invites her to tea. Enticed by his offer of friendship and the promised sardines, she goes with him to his little house. But it turns out he did not have friendship in mind. The evil witch who calls herself a queen has kept Narnia in a perpetual winter without Christmas for a hundred years has issued an order that any humans must be brought to her because of a prophecy that four humans will reclaim the kingdom.

Tumnus cannot go through with it, so he tells Lucy to leave before the witch finds her. Lucy goes back through the wardrobe where only a moment has passed in the professor’s house, though she had been gone for hours. No one believes her story.

Edmund goes to Narnia with her and meets the witch (Tilda Swinton), who promises him treats and a throne, but when he comes back, he says she made it all up. Soon all four children are in Narnia. While Peter, Susan, and Lucy join with Aslan the lion and those who want to melt the hundred-years winter and bring freedom back to Narnia, Edmund’s vanity and loneliness cause him to side with the witch. Dire battles lie ahead — a battle of armies and a battle of the spirit.

The design and effects are stunning, with completely believeable centaurs, fauns, cyclops, wolves, and foxes. Narnia feels truly magical.

The performances of the four leads, especially Henley’s Lucy, are unaffected and sincere. Swinton’s flat face and almost-invisible brows and lashes float above stiff, even sculptural gowns and there is never a hint of a wink or a holding back because this is a kids’ story. She brings the absolute focus and conviction to the part of the witch she might bring to a performance as Lady Macbeth and it is shiveringly evil. Liam Neeson provides the voice of Aslan, the wise and generous leader of the rebellion, and Ray Winstone and Dawn French are the endearing beavers. The script, co-written by director Andrew Adamson — hmmm, son of Adam — (Shrek) is wise and genuinely witty. It delicately but thoughtfully manages to achieve a balance between fairy tale and religious allegory so that audiences in search of either will find what they are looking for and be satisfied. And that is a very deep magic indeed.

Parents should know that this movie has very intense and explicit battle violence for a PG movie, close to the edge of a PG-13. Characters are injured and (apparently) killed. Children are in peril and one is smacked, imprisoned, and treated cruelly. Parents of younger children and those not familiar with the story will want to make sure that children who see the movie know what to expect. We first see the children hiding as London is attacked by bombs during WWII, and then they are sent away by their mother to live with someone they do not know. Some children may need some historical context (and some reassurance) to understand this part of the story.

Families who see this movie should talk about the tradition of “enchanted place” stories and why they are so enduringly popular. How is this story like — and not like — other stories about children who wander into magic lands? One reason this story has been popular for so many years is that it works on many levels. Some families will want to discuss the Christian symbolism in the story, which was written by a distinguished theologian. Others will want to focus on other themes, like trust, loyalty, and courage. What was Edmund so ready to believe what the Queen said? Why did he try to make a joke out of everything? What did Aslan mean by understanding sacrifice? Why was Aslan so willing to forgive Edmund? If you could create a magic land, what would it be like?

Families who enjoy this movie will also enjoy the books and the BBC miniseries. They will also enjoy other “enchanted places” stories in books and movies, from classics like Alice in Wonderland, The Secret Garden, and The Wizard of Oz to newcomers like Time Bandits, the books of Edward Eager and E. Nesbitt, and the His Dark Materials trilogy. Older viewers who would like to know something more about the author of these books will enjoy Shadowlands (or the equally good British version), about the very unexpected (especially by Lewis) love of Lewis’s life, Joy Gresham (whose son Douglas was co-producer of this film, and who provides the voice of the radio announcer at the beginning).