Fifty Shades Darker

Posted on February 9, 2017 at 5:19 pm

Ibsen had it right in “A Doll’s House.” When his heroine walked out and slammed the door at the end of the play, he left it there. She didn’t come back in two sequels. Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson, wearing bangs, the universal signifier of adorkability), despite her name, is not that resolute. In “Fifty Shades of Gray” she was a shy college student introduced to the Red Room of Pain and the world of bondage and submission by fabulously handsome and fabulously wealthy and fabulously troubled Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan). As he explains to her, it is the submissive who has the power in the relationship. The dominant inflicts pain but the submissive sets the limits. Ana set the ultimate limit by walking out on Christian at the end of the first film. But just days later, he comes to a photography show featuring six huge portraits of Ana, buys them all because he doesn’t want other people gawking at her. The woman who just left him nevertheless consents to let him take her to dinner (“because I’m hungry”), and then invites him to dinner. After first insisting there would be no sex and then that they need to take it slowly, of course they end up having sex, and pretty soon he’s spanking her again, but only after she asks for it.

Maybe if you turned off the sound, it all might seem less dull and silly, like the kind of high-end perfume commercials they only show before Christmas and Valentine’s Day. With the sound on, it alternates between syrupy pop songs and clunky dialogue. Fans of the books may enjoy seeing the characters on screen but those unfamiliar with what I will generously call the storyline will find it more like a random series of what I will generously call events. Putting the book on screen reveals its essential flimsiness, its origins as “Twilight” fan fiction showing through. As with “Twilight,” this is the story of a girl whose purity of heart is so powerful she is able to tame the ultimate predator. Like “Twilight,” he is surrounded by a large, complicated, powerful family, most of whose members should have been jettisoned for the movie version because they do not add anything. Unlike “Twilight,” which was explicitly envisioned as a romance without sex (until it wasn’t), this is a shipper, with lots and lots of sex. While there is much talk about a “vanilla” sex life, there is also a lot of naughty stuff with fancy lingerie (where did it disappear to between the apartment and the party?) and sex toys (“That is NOT going in my butt!” Ana says merrily at the sight of a pretty set of Ben Wa balls).

While both Ana and Christian are supposed to be driven for professional achievement, they do not spend much time actually working. Ana loves her job as an assistant to Jack Hyde (Eric Johnson) the head of fiction for a small independent publisher. About half an hour after we realize he is a scummy guy who is trying to have sex with her, she realizes he is a scummy guy who is trying to have sex with her. So of course Christian has him fired and Ana gets his job. Seriously, I have seen six year olds playing with Barbies who came up with more believable workplace storylines.

Meanwhile Ana is bothered by Christian’s past, including an abused drug addict mother who died of an overdose, a suicidal ex-sub who is obsessed with him, and the older woman who seduced him when he was 15 and introduced him to the pleasures of pain (Kim Basinger, herself a pioneer of pretty, soft-focus soft-core S&M in “9 1/2 Weeks”). And Ana is trying to get Christian to tell her about his past, which begins with her drawing a line with red lipstick around his scarred but super-jacked chest to delineate what she should and should not touch. She apparently redraws it on him every day because it is still there days later, no smudges.

Sam Taylor-Johnson brought some humor and a woman’s perspective to the first chapter. She also streamlined it to remove irrelevant and distracting details, left in here for no reason. How does Ana not know Christian’s housekeeper and why is there a scene of their first meeting? Also, there are a lot of lacy little underpants in this movie, mostly being removed. There is also a situation where a lot of misery would have been avoided with a phone call or text message and yet it doesn’t happen, for no reason other than prolonging the agony.

This sequel, reportedly with more involvement by the author, is lackluster fan service. I’d even call it vanilla.

NOTE: Stay through the beginning of the credits for a teaser of part three, coming out in time for Valentine’s Day 2018.

Parents should know that this movie includes very explicit sexual references and situations, sexual harassment, extensive nudity, sex toys and issues of bondage and submission, very strong language, peril including a gun and a helicopter crash, and spouse and child abuse.

Family discussion: Why did Christian tell Ana not to touch his chest? Why did Ana care so much about her job?

If you like this, try; “Fifty Shades of Gray” and “9 1/2 Weeks”

The LEGO Batman Movie

Posted on February 6, 2017 at 5:26 pm

“The LEGO Batman” movie is not just sure to be one of the funniest movies of the year, with laugh lines that come so fast it is impossible to catch your breath before the next one. It is also the most astute mash-up of love letter and take down of a popular culture icon since the brilliant “Galaxy Quest.”

“The LEGO Movie” was an unexpected blockbuster, sweet and very funny, surprisingly ambitious in scope. This spin-off is more focused, its basic structure very much in the tradition of the DC Comics character as created by Bob Kane and Bob Finger and as interpreted through the Adam West television series of the 1960’s, the Dark Knight comics and movies, and the Tim Burton movies, all of which get quick, understated, very clever nods so deeply enmeshed in the history and culture of Bruce Wayne/Batman and his world as to satisfy the heart of the most devoted fanboy. There’s even a plane from McGuffin Airlines.

The movie opens on a black screen. In case we don’t understand why, LEGO Batman explains that “all important movies begin with a black screen” and edgy music and logos. Just in case that isn’t pretentious enough, there’s also a quote on the screen…from that great philosopher Michael Jackson.

The Joker (Zach Galifianakis) has a great big bomb and is getting ready to blow up Gotham. This is very serious as it turns out Gotham is held up only by, well, pretty much a table. Batman comes in to take the bomb and save the day — also to break the Joker’s heart because he won’t acknowledge that the Joker is the most special and important of all of the villains. Pro tip: when you confiscate the Joker’s big “unnecessarily complicated” bomb, disable it before you stow it in the Batcave museum.

Gotham saved, Batman goes home to a lonely lobster thermidor dinner and a solo screening in his home theater, where he has a collection of mostly-cheesy romantic comedies. When he’s not responding to the Bat Signal and saving the day, he roams around Wayne Manor gazing pensively at old family pictures (note that on that last shot of his parents outside the theater, the nearby street sign says “Crime Alley”). But of course it would not be a Batman movie without some fancy society gala, so he dons his tux and goes to Commissioner Gordon’s retirement party. Barbara Gordon (Rosario Dawson) is taking over and to Batman’s dismay she tells the crowd that she plans to stop relying on Batman for all of Gotham’s crime-fighting needs. (After all, even with all his skill, Gotham is still constantly being attacked by deranged and very colorful bad guys.) She wants to involve more people in law enforcement. Batman is not at all happy about this. Furthermore, he is so distracted he sort of accidentally agrees to adopt an enthusiastic orphan with big anime-style eyes (Michael Cera as Dick Grayson).

Joker has come to a similar conclusion and he decides to team up, too — with the inhabitants of Superman’s Phantom Zone, including just about every literary bad guy anyone 12 and under might know, from Harry Potter’s Voldemort to King Kong and Oz’s Wicked Witch of the West.

The jokes come very fast, usually understated and references to pop culture, which adds to the feeling of being in on something. And the visuals are delightful, perfectly evoking the adorable clunkiness of the LEGO universe. The flames are made of plastic and the guns go “pew pew pew” instead of “bang bang bang.” But the cleverest idea of all was understanding that the very same qualities that make Batman, especially in his Dark Knight persona, so compelling work even better if he acts petulant and childish instead of a brooding and mysterious. The playground-style taunts are funny because they are real and relatable, no matter how old you are.

Parents should know that this movie has cartoon-style action and peril, with no one hurt, some schoolyard language and potty humor.

Family discussion: Why is it hard for Batman to rely on other people? Why does he like to watch romantic comedies? How does he feel when he sees all the other Justice League superheroes at the Fortress of Solitude? Why does the Joker care how Batman feels about him?

If you like this, try: “The LEGO Movie”

xXx: The Return of Xander Cage

Posted on January 19, 2017 at 5:28 pm

This ridiculous but ridiculously entertaining third chapter in the “XXX” action series is basically script by Mad Libs: Let’s have Vin Diesel in a . Which is how we get a motorcycle race over water and a ski jump into jungle. Plus a shoot-out in zero gravity. And why not. Sick of winter? Tired of the news? Here is a summer movie in January, with chases and explosions for days, badassery of all kinds, and many thousand yard stares, all presented for your delectation in gorgeous IMAX 3D.

So, to recap. In the first XXX movie, released in 2002, extreme sports and extreme tattoo anti-hero and adrenaline junkie Xander Cage (Vin Diesel) was recruited by federal agent Augustus Gibbons (Samuel L. Jackson) to do some tasks that normal military and government operatives were not cool and crazy enough to do. Chapter 2, “XXX: State of the Union” (2005) had Ice Cube stepping in for the reportedly deceased Cage. Twelve years later, it turns out that Xander Cage was just too cool to kill. He’s been enjoying life with crazy stunts and beautiful ladies. But tracks him down because has to be taken away from , and so once again his special skills are needed.

That special ops boss is Marke, played by Toni Collette as though she is doing a bad drag queen impression of herself, as opposed to the good drag queen impression she did in “Connie and Carla.” She helpfully provides X with a team of military tough guys. He dispatches them quickly by throwing them off a plane and rounds up his own Benneton ad of a team, a motley crew of wisecracking with and no fear: “the bad, the extreme, the completely insane,” we are reminded, as though that isn’t the very reason we are there. The movie helpfully skips over exposition that might get in the way of chases, explosions, shoot-outs, fight scenes, and quippy threats and bragging by providing helpful title cards for each character outlining, like Power Point on crack, their most significant achievements, characteristics, and useful other information like their go-to karaoke song or the fact that one of them, meeting with Samuel L. Jackson, thinks he is being recruited for the Avengers.

Everyone loves to run, jump, shoot, and fight except for Nina Dobrev as the Velma of this Scooby-Doo crowd, with oversize glasses, super-duper tech ability, and an inability to stop talking around X. She babbles anything that comes into her mind, explaining so thoroughly (in the world of this movie, more than six words in a row is a monologue) that she is not a field agent that we know eventually she will have to shoot a gun at someone, and adding, as she swoons over X’s muscles, “It’s not that I have a safe word or anything; it’s kumquat.”

X-Men style, this Island of Lost Toys bunch of misfits keeps shifting loyalties, so, gets to fight and fight alongside , too. It’s all delightfully preposterous but crazy fun and .

Parents should know that this film includes constant action-style peril and violence, chases, explosions, assault weapons, knives, terrorism, sexual innuendo and non-explicit situation, and some strong language.

Family discussion: Do you agree with Xander’s comment about rebels and tyrants? How do the characters decide when to be loyal and who to be loyal to?

If you like this, try: the earlier “xXx” movies and the “Transporter” and “Fast and Furious” series

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

Posted on December 13, 2016 at 12:00 pm

I know, I know, you want me to tell you how it ranks against the other “Star Wars” movies. I’m going to say somewhere between “A New Hope” and “The Force Awakens.” It is a worthy addition to the canon, gorgeously imagined, with striking images, intriguing and richly diverse characters, a suspenseful plot, a worthy adversary, an amusing sidekick, some romantic sparks, and a very satisfying answer to one of the most persistent questions from the very first film in 1977. And without getting heavy-handed or preachy, it touches on some complicated and timely issues.

Once again, we are reminded that this takes place a long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, and thankfully the text ends there and we are immediately in the middle of the action. A little girl with pigtails is breathlessly racing home to tell her parents that the threat they have been preparing for has arrived. “It’s happened. He’s come for us.” “You know what to do.”

The girl is Jyn Erso. Her father Galen (Mads Mikkelsen) was a scientist who once designed weapons for the Empire. He got away and has been living on an isolated farm, but the Empire’s Orson Krennic (Ben Mendelsohn) has found him. He is there to bring Galen back to finish work on the planet-killing weapon we know well from “A New Hope.” Galen explains why he left. “You’re confusing peace with terror.” Krennic responds crisply, and creepily, “You have to start somewhere.”

Jyn’s escape has been well-rehearsed. She knows where to hide. Her mother was supposed to go with her, but could not resist trying to protect her husband. She is killed, Galen is captured, and Jyn is rescued, kind of, by outlaw Saw Gerrera (a dashing Forest Whitaker).

The grown-up Jyn (Felicity Jones of “The Theory of Everything”) has clearly been taking care of herself — and not trusting anyone else — for a long time. But she is captured by the rebel forces, who have received a message smuggled out by a pilot named Bodhi Rook (a terrific Raz Ahmed). The Rebel Alliance wants Jyn to get to her father and find out how to stop the terrifying new weapon, the planet-killing Death Star. Jyn, who did not know whether her father was dead or alive, and hoped he was dead because it would mean that he was not helping the Empire and not abandoning her, must re-think her view of the world (in her case, I guess, the galaxy) and of herself.

Led/accompanied by Rebel Alliance hero Cassian (Diego Luna), his pilot/sidekick droid K-2SO (winningly voiced and motion-captured by Alan Tudyk in one of the film’s most memorable highlights), a blind monk with mad martial arts skills (Donnie Yen) with his firepower-packing friend Baze Malbus (Wen Jiang), and the renegade pilot, Jyn crosses the galaxy to try to rescue her father and stop the Death Star.

So, to recap: good characters, good action, great scope, and just the right amount of fan service. I’m not sure that the digital re-animation of “A New Hope” characters are worth the distraction. And I am not entirely on board with the ending.

No more for risk of spoilers. But there is so much going on, it is worth pointing out some details that might be overlooked in the middle of all the action. Note young Jyn’s stormtrooper doll, an Ozymandias-like massive statue, prone on the sand, the issue of factions within the rebel community, the bigger issue of moral responsibility for actions committed for the larger good, echoes of familiar wartime images from the D-Day landing to hooded prisoners and IEDs in civilian areas.

K-2S0, like Rook and “Force Awakens'” Finn, was formerly with the Empire. It/he has been reprogrammed but a sort of data pentimento has it/him a bit loopy and the result is a dry, even sarcastic wit that adds a bit of a twist to the seriousness of the storyline. This film, more canon-adjacent than linear, has some of that same sense of independence and even improvisation, a welcome waystation before the next chapter of the saga.

Parents should know that this film includes extended sci-fi action-style violence, with many characters injured and killed. There are sad deaths including death of parents, and some disturbing images, including monsters. The script by Chris Weitz and Tony Gilroy is wise enough not to try to answer questions about the complex quandaries of oppression and rebellion, but wise enough not to overlook them.

Family discussion: How did the governance of the Empire and the Rebel Alliance help or hinder their decision-making? How did the hologram message change Jyn’s mind? What does it mean to carry a prison with you?

If you like this, try: “Star Wars” IV, V, VI, and “Force Awakens”

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Fantasy Science-Fiction Series/Sequel

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

Posted on November 17, 2016 at 5:56 pm

A-

Lowest Recommended Age:	Middle School
MPAA Rating:	Rated PG-13 for some fantasy action violence
Profanity:	Some mild language
Alcohol/ Drugs:	None
Violence/ Scariness:	Extended fantasy peril and violence, some disturbing images and scary creatures
Diversity Issues:	None
Date Released to Theaters:	November 18, 2016
Date Released to DVD:	March 27, 2017
Amazon.com ASIN:	B01LTHOAGM

It is so good to be back in the Potterverse again.

This first of an expected five film series is true to the spirit of the world of Harry Potter; indeed, it is the first film with a screenplay from J.K. Rowling herself. But it departs from the Potter films in significant ways: it is the first story to be set in the past and the first to be set outside the UK. It takes place in 1920’s New York City.

It is also the first to center on adult characters, though a teenager and a child have featured roles. It has the best of both the familiar and the new, thanks to the experienced eye of director David Yates, who also directed the last four Potter films) and the score from James Newton Howard, echoing the Potter film’s theme.

Eddie Redmayne (“The Theory of Everything” and “The Danish Girl”) plays Newt Scamander, a shy wizard who arrives on Ellis Island with a briefcase that has some thrilling magical attributes. There’s a handy switch to make its contents muggle-worthy (though, as he will learn, in the US muggles are referred to as “no-majs,” pronounced no-maszh). It can contain many different kinds of fantastic beasts. And it is a portal to a sort of animal sanctuary Newt maintains for his beloved creatures, all of which will escape at least once to create chaos or save the day, sometimes both at once.

He arrives just as a group called Second Salem vows to eliminate anyone performing magic. The leader is a fervently fanatic woman named Mary Lou (Samantha Morton), who abuses her adopted children, especially her teenage son Credence (Ezra Miller, soon to be DC’s Flash on the big screen).

So MCUSA (pronounced mc-kusa), the Magical Congress of the United States of America, led by Seraphina Pickery (Carmen Ejogo) is especially concerned about doing anything that would bring them to the attention of the no-majs in any way, much less make them think that the wizards and witches are dangerous. And a rogue wizard named Grindelwald has been creating mayhem in both the wizard and muggle worlds.

Newt meets a no-maj, an amiable would-be baker named Jake Kowalski (a warm-hearted performance from Tony winner Dan Fogler) carrying a very similar-looking briefcase just as one of the fantastic beasts escapes from his own. The creature, who looks a bit like a duck-billed platypus, has an inconvenient habit of grabbing anything shiny or sparkly. By the time Newt has retrieved him, Jake has seen too much and is about to have his memory wiped when a variety of other mix-ups and adventures take him deeper into the world of magic. Soon, Jake and Newt team up, aided by a disgraced MCUSA investigator named Tina Goldstein (Katherine Waterston of “Inherent Vice”) and her mind-reading sister, Queenie (charmingly magnetic Alison Sudol, channeling Carole Lombard).

Newt is an utterly engaging character, a bit shy and tentative, but somehow we are not surprised to learn that he was expelled from Hogwarts — or that it was over the objection of a young faculty member named Dumbledore. As with all of the Potterverse films, the production design is enchanting, even the no-mag areas. The old-time New York settings, including a variation on a speakeasy, are gorgeously realized, with a depth of imaginative detail that makes us want to hit a pause button. The creatures range from grotesque to magnificent, and Newt’s constant affection for them all (like Hagrid) is endearing. The big confrontation has some real emotional heft, and Rowling keeps one of her best surprises to the end.

When is the next chapter coming? I’m ready! At least, after I watch this one a few more times.

Parents should know that this film includes extended fantasy peril, action, and violence, characters injured and killed, some disturbing images and scary creatures, and brief bodily function humor.

Family discussion: Which is your favorite creature? Why does Newt think that people find him annoying?

If you like this, try: the Harry Potter books and movies and “Labyrinth”