Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

Posted on January 24, 2013 at 11:52 pm

Once upon a time, a brother and sister were left in the woods by their father. They came upon a house made of candy that turned out to be owned by a witch, who used it to lure children and then fatten them up so she could eat them. But the children outwitted the witch by shoving her in the oven. The classic Grimm story is quickly dispatched in the first few moments of this fanboy fantasy so that we can get to the good stuff. Hansel and Gretel, it seems, developed a taste for killing witches. They grow up to be Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton, who haul their arsenal from town to town as something between bounty hunters, exorcists, and hitmen. And “Ghostbusters.” It’s got special effects and some rocking fight scenes, and its cheeky anachronisms and brief running time (under 90 minutes) mean that it is over before the audience gets a chance to get tired of it.

There’s a lot of winking at each other and the audience. A local fan of the duo (he has a 14th century scrapbook filled with their pre-Gutenberg news clippings) offers Gretel some porridge and assures her that it is not too hot or too cold but just right. The local milkman delivers milk in bottles with drawings of missing children tied to them. And the siblings have some Batman-worthy gear, including a device that draws electricity from a hand-crank, useful for zapping witches or, in a pinch, a bit of defibrillation.

Hansel and Gretel are hired by the mayor of a town where nearly a dozen children are missing. The local sheriff (“Fargo’s” Peter Stormare) does not trust them and, more important, wants to stay in charge. It does not help when Hansel tells the sheriff that the woman he is about to burn as a witch is not, and when Gretel head-butts him and breaks his nose. He sends his own search party into the forest, but they are killed by a witch (Famke Janessen). So, it is up to Hansel and Gretel after all, and it turns out that they have just three days before a “blood moon” will rise that gives the witches a rare chance to make themselves more powerful and much harder to kill.

The production design by Stephen Scott is imaginative and nicely varied, avoiding the trap of looking too Disney-fied. The witches are eerily insect-like in their motions and sounds; there are moments when it feels like they are slightly more human-looking Predators. Arterton and Renner look sensational in their tight, laced-up leather and handle the action scenes with a lot of verve. It is silly, but it is entertaining.

Parents should know that the movie has intense and extensive fantasy violence with some graphic and disturbing images, including a medieval version of assault weapons, crossbows, knives, and a lot of throwing people around. Human and witch characters are injured and killed. Characters drink and use strong language and there is brief female rear nudity and a non-explicit sexual situation.

Family discussion: Why didn’t Hansel want to talk about his parents? Why did Gretel want to talk about them? Why didn’t the sheriff trust them?

If you like this, try: “Stardust” and “Dragonslayer”

Universal Classic Monsters

Posted on October 31, 2012 at 3:48 pm

What could be better for Halloween than the new Blu-Ray release of Universal Classic Monsters: The Essential Collection , with deluxe editions of eight classics: “Dracula” (1931, 75 min.), “Frankenstein” (1931, 71 min.), “The Mummy” (1932, 74 min.), “The Invisible Man” (1933, 71 min.), “The Bride of Frankenstein” (1935, 75 min.), “The Wolf Man” (1941, 70 min.), “The Phantom of the Opera” (1943, 93 min.), and “The Creature from the Black Lagoon” (1954, 79 min.).

Check out this delectable gallery of ghouls!

Related Tags:

Based on a book Classic Fantasy Horror

Zoinks! A Halloween Tribute to Scooby-Doo

Posted on October 31, 2012 at 8:00 am

“And I would have gotten away with it if not for you meddling kids!”

Scooby-Doo and his pals are the ultimate in funny-scary. Created for television by Hanna-Barbera in 1969, the stories of investigations of haunted amusement parks and mysterious monsters. In early episodes they all turned out to be hoaxes designed to keep people from discovering some sort of skullduggery but later on there were some real paranormal encounters. The characters were inspired by the popular “Dobie Gillis” television series based on the stores by Max Schulman, with Fred an amiable everyman, Velma the brain, Daphne the rich girl, and Shaggy the goofy one. The dog breed was unsettled in the planning stages, and sheepdog and German Shepherd were considered before they settled on a Great Dane. He was originally called “Too Much” and the name Scooby-Doo was inspired by the “doo be doo be doo” part of the Frank Sinatra song, “Strangers in the Night.” Celebrate Halloween with some tricks and treats from Scooby-Doo.

Related Tags:

Animation Comedy Horror

Halloween Pick: “Poltergeist”

Posted on October 30, 2012 at 3:28 pm

One of my favorite Halloween movies for older kids is the original Poltergeist. The scares are great but what makes it work are the human characters.

Related Tags:

Action/Adventure Classic Fantasy Horror

William Castle’s “13 Ghosts”

Posted on October 30, 2012 at 8:00 am

People often ask me if I’ve ever walked out of a movie. Fortunately, I seem to have an endless tolerance and sometimes even affection for bad movies. But just once, I did insist on leaving the theater, and a delightful tribute to William Castle’s horror movies on Turner Classic Movies reminded me of the film that did drive me from the theater. It was Castle’s 13 Ghosts.

While William Castle worked with legendary Hollywood artists like George Stevens and Orson Welles, he is best remembered for his cheesy horror films, produced on micro-budgets but marketed with magna-artistry. Indeed, his marketing campaigns were far more creative than his films with fantastic gimmicks like a life insurance policy for anyone who died of fright during the film and a plastic skeleton that flew out into the audience from a wire above the screen. He even wired seats in the theater to give the audience an electric shock for The Tingler.

I wrote about my favorite, for the movie Homicidal, in my new book, 101 Must-See Movie Moments.

As often happens in thrillers, there comes a point near the climax when a character is warned not to go into a dark, menacing house. Of course, she goes anyway, but before she does, the movie gives us a “fright break.” A stopwatch on screen counts down 45 seconds to give those who are too terrified to find out what is inside that house to leave and get their money back. According to director John Waters, a Castle fan, when people actually took advantage of this offer,

William Castle simply went nuts. He came up with “Coward’s Corner,” a yellow cardboard booth, manned by a bewildered theater employee in the lobby. When the Fright Break was announced, and you found that you couldn’t take it any more, you had to leave your seat and, in front of the entire audience, follow yellow footsteps up the aisle, bathed in a yellow light. Before you reached Coward’s Corner, you crossed yellow lines with the stenciled message: “Cowards Keep Walking.” You passed a nurse (in a yellow uniform?…I wonder), who would offer a blood-pressure test. All the while a recording was blaring, “Watch the chicken! Watch him shiver in Coward’s Corner!” As the audience howled, you had to go through one final indignity — at Coward’s Corner you were forced to sign a yellow card stating, “I am a bona fide coward.’“ Very, very few were masochistic enough to endure this. The one percent refund dribbled away to a zero percent, and I’m sure that in many cities a plant had to be paid to go through this torture.

I hope not many got their money back. The surprise in the house is pretty wild!

In “13 Ghosts,” a family moves into a spooky house. The gimmick is explained by Castle himself at the beginning of the film. I was so sure that the ghosts were real that I insisted my mother take me out of the theater. But now, I own the DVD, which of course came with its own ghost viewer.