Cloudy With a Chance of Love: Hallmark Channel Countdown to Valentine’s Day
Posted on February 6, 2015 at 8:00 am
Hallmark Channel’s countdown to Valentine’s Day features some old favorites and some new stories like “Cloudy With a Chance of Love,” premiering on February 8, 2015, at 8 pm (7 central). “Switched at Birth’s” Katie Leclerc stars with Michael Rady, Stacey Dash and Gregory Harrison, in the story of a meteorologist who finds some turbulence when she takes a job reporting on the weather at a television station.
“Jupiter Ascending” was released in early 2015 but it was originally scheduled for release in the summer of 2014. It does feel like a summer movie. Somehow warm weather makes us more in the mood for explosions and less in need of superfluities like plot, character, and dialogue that never feels snicker-worthy. It is not quite up to snuff for this time of year. The story feels like a mash-up of sci-fi/fantasy movies past (especially “Terminator” and “Star Wars”), with a little “Cinderella” and “Princess Bride” added in for romance and some rage against the one percent to add some political heft. It is often downright silly, even snicker-worthy. It is well over the quota for just-in-time saves, both in the falling and about-to-make-an-irrevocable-decision categories.
And yet, it is fun, especially on a big, big screen. And there are even a few moments that are shrewdly conceived and hit the mark. The Wachowskis (“The Matrix” trilogy, “Cloud Atlas,” “Speed Racer”) specialize in vast, colorful, grandly conceived new worlds and in this film they mean that literally. We visit several planets, and each is visually complex, sumptuous, and wildly imaginative, often dazzling. If you’re in the mood for eye candy, head for the box office. Don’t wait to see this one at home.
Mila Kunis plays Jupiter, an illegal alien (get it?) from Russia, working in Chicago as a maid and living with her extended family. “I hate my life,” she says when she has to get up at 4:45 am for another day of scrubbing toilets. But like Neo and Speed Racer, she is special. Not for a particular talent or quality of character but because of her very essence. Like infinite monkeys banging away on infinite typewriters until one of them randomly produces “Hamlet,” it seems that throughout the universe there are so many humans that every so often the random accumulation of cells produces a genetic mix identical to someone who has already lived. Jupiter, whose father was a British astronomer killed in a robbery, turns out to be identical to an intergalactic royal, which makes her a threat to three battling siblings in a dispute over their inheritance. Yes, this is a story about inheritance and real estate. We might as well be back at Downton Abbey or in “King Lear.” The particular piece of real estate they are so concerned about: Earth.
One of the noble siblings wants her captured. Another wants her killed. Just as assassins are about to take her out, Caine (Channing Tatum), a pointy-eared hunk arrives to carry her off like Richard Gere at the end of “An Officer and a Gentleman.” Except that this is the beginning, and he will have many more opportunities to lift her in his manly arms as things develop. He has some cool toys, too, especially some wonderful shoes that operate like a hoverboard crossed with ice skates, so that he glides through the air.
There are some clangers ahead, like the fact that Jupiter’s special genetic makeup is recognized by bees. But there is some fun stuff, too, especially an extended sequence through a delightfully steampunk series of bureaucratic offices that show that even the most highly evolved civilizations we can imagine still have not found a way around petty rules and red tape. In the rare category of both clangish and fun is Eddie Redmayne as Balem (the names are all faintly Latinate, “Hunger Games”-style). If Mount Everest were built on top of wherever over the top lives, he’d be on top of that. But I got a kick out of his full-on commitment to petulant decadence turned up to 11. And Gugu Mbatha-Raw shows that a spectacularly beautiful and talented woman can take a costume reminicient of John Candy in “Spaceballs” and make it work.
It’s long and messy and unforgivably silly in place, but somewhere under all the eye candy and under-written dialogue there are some interesting ideas about the true meaning of consumption and what, if we had all the time in the world, we would do with it. I wasn’t sorry to spend some of my limited time seeing Channing Tatum treat the air like a 3D ice rink.
Parents should know that this film has extended sci-fi/fantasy peril and violence, some graphic images including brief torture, characters injured and killed, rear nudity, some strong language, and drinking and sexual references.
Family discussion: If life requires consumption, how do we make responsible choices? How were the siblings different?
If you like this, try: “The Princess Bride,” “Looper,” “The Matrix,” and the “Star Wars” series
Our friends from Bikini Bottom are back in another deliriously silly story, so tender-hearted and cheery that there is no way to resist it. Plus, it has superheroes, a pirate played by Antonio Banderas, existential metaphysics, the guitarist from Guns ‘n’ Roses, and a time-traveling space dolphin with the stentorian tones of a classically trained Shakespearean actor. It will amuse newcomers and delight fans.
Banderas plays Burger-Beard, first seen on a desert island in search of hidden treasure. An Indiana Jones-style booby-trap is no match for his wiliness, and soon he is back on his one-man pirate ship (it operates on “automatic pirate”) with his precious booty: an old storybook. It was a popular book. The library check-out card in the pocket on the inside back cover shows that it has been checked out by piratical luminaries like Captain Kidd and Jolly Roger. The book has a story about SpongeBob and his friends as well as some surprising powers which we will find out about later.
The pirate’s book takes us to familiar territory. SpongeBob Squarepants (Tom Kenny) loves his job as a fry cook at the Krusty Krab, making wildly popular Krabby patties. His boss is the money-mad Mr. Krabs, who keeps the secret recipe in his safe. Bikini Bottom’s other eatery is the struggling Chum Bucket, owned by the envious, one-eyed Plankton (Mr. Lawrence), who is far more inventive in coming up with ways to steal the recipe than he is in cooking. Burger-Beard wants the recipe, too, so he can achieve his dream of opening up a food truck made from his pirate boat. When the recipe is stolen, the whole gang, including SpongeBob’s best friend Patrick (Bill Fagerbakke), a dim-witted starfish, and Sandy (Carolyn Lawrence) a scuba-suit-wearing squirrel, have to go on land to get it back.
There are some sweet lessons about teamwork (Plankton literally does not know the meaning of the term) and loyalty, but the best lesson of all is the good cheer and gentle laughter that has made SpongeBob the best-loved animated series on television.
Parents should know that this film has some potty humor, schoolyard language, and mild cartoon-style peril and violence, including a cannon.
Family discussion: Which characters are loyal and why? Why is money so important to Mr. Krabs? If you could write your own story, what would it say?
Sometimes all we want from a movie is Hugh Grant delivering witty, self-deprecating lines about his empty life and bad choices as he learns to find his heart and soul. You know, the cinematic equivalent to eating a pint of Rocky Road ice cream, wearing your comfiest pajamas. And every so often, we are lucky enough to get one. Writer/director Marc Lawrence understands exactly what we want from Grant in a romantic comedy. He gave us the underrated Music & Lyrics (its best moments include a wildly funny, spot-on version of a 1980’s music video and the delightful Kristen Johnson). He wrote “Two Weeks Notice,” in which Grant was so good it was possible to ignore the failures of the script. He even made Grant look good in the otherwise irretrievably awful Did You Hear About the Morgans? Here he has created just the right part for Grant as Keith Michaels, an Oscar-winning screenwriter who has had a string of flops and has now lost his family, his money, his self-respect, and any possible chance of a writing job in Hollywood, for which self-respect is not only not a necessity, but in fact is a liability.
Copyright 2014 Castle Rock
The only prospect Michaels has of cash coming into rather than out of his bank account is accepting an offer to teach screenwriting at a liberal arts college in upstate New York where it rains all the time. The idea appalls him, but his long-suffering agent and his empty bank account persuade him to accept. He arrives determined “to do as little as possible while carrying on with this charade” but be miserable anyway. After he has sex with one of the students he realizes that college girls are lovely and young enough to see him as glamorous. After he insults one of the faculty members (Allison Janney, criminally underused as a humorless Jane Austen specialist who has never heard of “Clueless” or seen any of the movie adaptations, as if there was such a thing), he is reminded that he is, in fact expected to attend class and convey some information and guidance to the students. So, he selects his class on the basis of looks (the girls have to be what for reasons of civility we will just call pretty and the boys have to be what we will call not much of a threat as competition). In other words, he is using the class as a sort of analog version of Tinder.
It turns out that one of the students has written an excellent screenplay, which reminds him that he is capable of recognizing good work and a good opportunity to get back to Hollywood. He sends it to his agent asking her to offer it only if he can produce, not because he has any ideas or expertise but because it is leverage. And it turns out that one of the students is not young and pliable but certainly lovely. Her name is Holly (Marisa Tomei) and she is a single mom, too down to earth to qualify as a manic pixie dream girl, but certainly a life-force, filled with optimism that (thankfully) is not the usual mindless bubbliness but thoughtful and hard-won.
The film never takes itself too seriously, with winks at the audience including Grant’s character buying Jane Austen movies for a colleague (presumably including his own “Sense and Sensibility”) and watching his Oscar acceptance on YouTube (a real-life clip of Grant’s own Golden Globe win). There are no surprises, but sometimes, with a movie like this, that’s just what you want.
Parents should know that this film has very strong language, sexual references and situations including professor/student sex, drinking and drunkenness.
Family discussion: How does the script for this film follow the principals Keith teaches his students? Why is Holly cheerful?
If you like this, try: “Four Weddings and a Funeral,” “Sense and Sensibility,” and “Music & Lyrics”
Rated PG-13 for intense fantasy violence and action throughout, frightening images and brief strong language
Profanity:
One strong word
Alcohol/ Drugs:
Drinking
Violence/ Scariness:
Constant fantasy-style violence and peril with dragons, knights, swords, fire, falls, punches, and sorcery, characters injured and killed, some grisly images
Diversity Issues:
Most of the good guys are white and many of the bad guys are non-white
Date Released to Theaters:
February 6, 2015
Copyright 2015 Legendary
If “The Big Lebowski” fans ever imagined a re-teaming of Jeff “The Dude” Bridges and Julianne “Maude” Moore, it is unlikely that they would have come up with the idea of this sword-and-sorcery epic based on the first of the the 16-volume Last Apprentice series by Joseph Delaney. They’re a long way from Lebowski-land in this epic saga of the last of the knights sworn to fight witches and the powerful witch he once loved and must now defeat. The fight scenes are exciting, the visuals and special effects are impressive, and it is fun to see two big actors take on these scenery-chomping roles.
It takes place in olden times, “when legend and nightmare are real.” Bridges, in full sensei whose bark is worse than his bite but his bite is pretty rough mode, plays Gregory, the last of “a order of noble knights, combatting the darker forces.” He has had a series of apprentices, but it is a high risk job, and they keep getting killed. Most recently, following a rollicking bar fight involving a full goblet (“The trick is not defeating them with a cup. The trick is not to spill.”), Master Gregory loses his best apprentice (Kit Harington) and has to find a new one. They are not easy to find. Only a seventh son of a seventh son has the ability to combat magic. Tom Ward (Ben Barnes) has that credential, but does he have what it takes? He cannot seem to hit the target with his knife. Master Gregory usually has years to teach his apprentices what they need to know but this time there is just a week until the blood moon, which will unleash the powers of the most dangerous witch of all, Mother Malkin (Moore, decked out with fancy eyelashes and creepy long fingernails). Years before, Master Gregory had captured Malkin, locking her in a cage and sprinkling the perimeter with salt. But she has escaped, stronger than ever, and this time he cannot risk showing her mercy and allowing her to live.
It is possible that Tom has already made the same mistake. If she was not so young and pretty, would he have rescued the girl accused of being a witch and set her free? Her name is Alice (Alicia Vikander). Does she like him or is she a spy? Meanwhile, Mother Malkin is putting the band back together, bringing in a Benetton ad array of multi-ethnic bad guys. There are also some other fantasy characters who show up to the party, including Master Gregory’s loyal sidekick Tusk, with a jaw like a wild boar, and a gigantic CGI Boggart, who chases our heroes into the steepest jump off a cliff into the rapids since “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.” And this one’s in 3D.
Parents should know that this film includes constant fantasy-style peril and violence with monsters, fire, swords and other weapons, sorcery, and fighting, characters injured and killed, some disturbing and grisly images, brief strong language, drinking and jokes about alcohol, and kissing and an implied sexual situation.
Family discussion: What did it mean to call Mother Malkin “a slave to darkness, not its queen?” Was Master Gregory too tough on Tom?
If you like this, try: “Dragonslayer,” “Hansel and Gretel,” and “Stardust”
. They’re a long way from Lebowski-land in this epic saga of the last of the knights sworn to fight witches and the powerful witch he once loved and must now defeat. The fight scenes are exciting, the visuals and special effects are impressive, and it is fun to see two big actors take on these scenery-chomping roles.