Parental Guidance

Posted on December 24, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Lowest Recommended Age:	Kindergarten - 3rd Grade
MPAA Rating:	Rated PG for some rude humor
Profanity:	Some schoolyard language
Alcohol/ Drugs:	Some alcohol
Violence/ Scariness:	Comic peril and violence
Diversity Issues:	None
Date Released to Theaters:	December 25, 2012

This shtick-y, utterly synthetic sit-com of a movie telegraphs its every joke and then pounds the audience over the head to make sure we get them. Oh, we get them. We just wish we didn’t.

Artie (Billy Crystal) is a minor league baseball announcer who always dreamed of announcing for the Giants. He is fired at the end of the season because he is too old-school. Insert “What’s Twitter?” and “What’s an Angry Bird?” jokes. His wife, Diane (Bette Midler), teaches pole dancing in their living room for no reason except that it must be funny to see middle-aged ladies try to pole dance. Their daughter, Alice (Marisa Tomei) is happily married to Phil (“That Thing You Do'” Tom Everett Scott), newly settled in Atlanta with their three children.

Phil’s new project is a super-duper high-tech home system that welcomes every family member when they come into the house, bids them farewell when they leave and talks to and spies on them in between. When Artie and Diane arrive to babysit while Alice and Phil go to a business conference, we can expect to be treated to the conflict between Artie, whose ability with technology ended with the dial phone (until the script calls for him to pull up a track on an iPod) and the high-tech house. And when Alice explains that their parenting philosophy is to say “remember the consequences” instead of “no” and insist on three “put-ups” to counter any “put-downs,” we can expect that, well, there will be consequences. Everyone tries hard, but the talented cast is utterly wasted in a series of mind-numbingly obvious and heart-numbingly phony set-ups.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9nmIzCAMJQ

The oldest grandchild is Harper (Bailee Madison, giving the film’s best performance), a middle-schooler who is something of a perfectionist. She has a big violin audition coming up, a teacher who thinks anyone who isn’t up to her standards should be shunned, and an increasing sense that she is missing out on some of the fun of the pre-teen years. The youngest is Barker (Kyle Harrison Breitkopf), a high-spirited five-year-old perpetual flight risk who insists on calling his grandfather “Fartie,” which is even less hilarious than you might hope. No good asking him to consider the consequences; there aren’t any.

Then there’s the middle child, Turner (Joshua Rush), a stressed-out, shy kid with a bad stutter. The cynical sloppiness of this film is revealed in Turner’s miraculous transformation into a completely fluent speaker as the result of hearing the famous Russ Hodges “Giants win the pennant” broadcast, disrespectful in the extreme to those who struggle with speech impediments and to those who work with them.

It is filled with poorly staged slapstick and potty humor. Artie gets hit in the crotch and throws up on the face of the kid who hit him. Barker pees onto a half-pipe, causing Tony Hawk(!) to crash. There’s an extended nose-picking sequence. The consequences of these moments — this movie is awful.

Parents should know that this film has extended and graphic potty and other bodily function humor, schoolyard language, comic peril, drinking, unrealistic portrayal of a “cure” for stuttering, and mild sexual references.

Family discussion: What are the biggest differences in the styles of parenting in this movie? Which one do you agree with? What did the three kids learn from their time with their grandparents?

If you like this, try: the “Wimpy Kid” movies

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Monsters, Inc. 3D

Posted on December 18, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Lowest Recommended Age:	Kindergarten - 3rd Grade
MPAA Rating:	G
Profanity:	None
Alcohol/ Drugs:	None
Violence/ Scariness:	Comic peril, cartoon violence
Diversity Issues:	No strong female or minority characters
Date Released to Theaters:	December 19, 2012
Amazon.com ASIN:	B001NN4162

According to this movie by the “Toy Story” folks at Pixar, that monsters are more afraid of children than children are of monsters. But monsters need to collect the screams of children to fuel their world, and children are getting so hard to scare that the monsters are suffering from rolling blackouts. What can they do? Top scarer John “Sully” Sullivan (voice of John Goodman) and rival Randall Boggs (voice of Steve Buscemi) work as hard as they can to break the scream-collection record. But when Randall inadvertantly lets a human child into the monster world, the monsters find out what being scared is really like.

This movie is utterly delightful. It should be put in the dictionary to illustrate the word, “adorable.” It has the same delicious mixture of heart, humor, and technical wizardry that made “A Bug’s Life” and the two “Toy Story” movies into instant classics. Like Jim Henson, who decided to make his “Sesame Street” characters monsters so that children would never be afraid of monsters again, the people behind this movie have created monsters that even the shyest child will find completely unscary. In fact, kids may decide that multiple heads, removable eyes and hair made from snakes are kind of cute.

Sully and his sidekick, Mike Wazowski (voice of Billy Crystal) are just a couple of nice guys proud of their work trying to do their jobs (except for filing the paperwork, which Mike never seems to get to). When Boo (voice of Mary Gibbs) sees Sully, she runs after him, shouting “Kitty!” At first, Sully is scared of her, but then he gets to know her and they become good friends.

Parents should know that there is some mild peril. A scene in which biohazard workers in yellow jumpsuits and hoods disinfect a monster who came in contact with a child’s sock is scarier now than it would have been before the terrorist attacks and the nightly news about anthrax. Parents should be prepared for questions. There is a little bit of potty humor. All of the “scarers” are male. But overall, this is just what a G movie should be and wonderful fun for the whole family.

There are lots of terrific DVD extras, including background info, a music video, ideas that never made it onto the screen, and a game. You’ll also get a sneak peek at next summer’s animated feature. Families who enjoy this movie will also enjoy The Adventures of Elmo in Grouchland and the Toy Story movies.

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Animation For all ages Movies -- format

A Liar’s Autobiography

Posted on November 10, 2012 at 10:50 pm

Lowest Recommended Age:	Adult
MPAA Rating:	Rated R for strong and crude sexual content including graphic animated sequences, strong language and some violent images
Profanity:	Strong language
Alcohol/ Drugs:	Drinking and alcoholism
Violence/ Scariness:	Violent images including severed limbs, sad death
Diversity Issues:	Diverse characters
Date Released to Theaters:	November 9, 2012
Amazon.com ASIN:	B00A3A3SRE

Graham Chapman was the Monty Python troupe member most often referred to by the others as “the dead one.” This affectionate tribute, narrated by Chapman himself in excerpts from the audio version of the memoir he wrote before he died of throat cancer in 1989. Like the Python movies, it is is made up of skit-like segments, but it only briefly reaches anywhere near their level of sublime comic anarchy. Even with a quick moment of lunacy with Cameron Diaz providing the voice of Sigmund Freud.

The segments are animated by a widely varied group of artists, occasionally recalling Terry Gilliam’s inspired paper cut-out interstitials but more often just needlessly crude and sometimes downright dull. But the real problem is that Chapman may have been an interesting person and certainly led an interesting live but he clearly had neither the interest nor the ability to share very much with anyone. Instead we get a tedious litany of too much sex, too much alcohol, and the emptiness of the life of a celebrity. He comes across as superficial, bitter, selfish, and dull.

Chapman tells us he was born during a German bombing attack and we see a possibly fictitious incident where he was traumatized by the severed limbs of the people who were injured and killed. Then he goes to school and his parents don’t understand or fully appreciate him and he has sex with women but really wants to have sex with men, and then he has sex with men, and then some sex with women again but mostly with men. In one of the segments we get to see from his perspective as he continues to smoke his pipe through some joyless sexual encounters. He has contempt for just about everyone, especially those who are overly impressed with celebrities (including himself).

The movie comes to life only at the very end, when we see footage from Chapman’s funeral, with the eulogy from John Cleese. As the other Pythonites look on, Cleese says, “I guess that we’re all thinking how sad it is that a man of such talent, of such capability for kindness, of such unusual intelligence, should now so suddenly be spirited away at the age of only 48, before he’d achieved many of the things of which he was capable, and before he’d had enough fun. Well, I feel that I should say: nonsense. Good riddance to him, the freeloading bastard, I hope he fries. And the reason I feel I should say this is he would never forgive me if I didn’t, if I threw away this glorious opportunity to shock you all on his behalf. Anything for him, but mindless good taste.” I’d add, anything for him but this dull and sour tribute. Much better to watch the parrot sketch again.

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Brooklyn Castle

Posted on October 18, 2012 at 2:43 pm

A-

Lowest Recommended Age:	All Ages
MPAA Rating:	PG for some language
Profanity:	Some schoolyard language
Alcohol/ Drugs:	None
Violence/ Scariness:	None
Diversity Issues:	A theme of the movie
Date Released to Theaters:	October 18, 2012

I.S. 318 is a below-the-poverty-line inner city junior high school. And its students have won more national chess championships than any other in the country. So this is a touching and inspiring story of triumph and what can be accomplished in spite of the most daunting of obstacles if there is someone who believes in you. And it is a story of the joys of intellectual passion and a game that goes back centuries, even in an era of saturation in digital media. There is much of what you expect — gifted kids, dedicated teacher, tense anticipation, thrilling victories. The characters are endearing and their stories are stirring.

This movie is also frank about the vulnerability of these programs. We see so much that is made possible by so little, and how fragile even that little can be. These children have endless spirit, skill, and devotion. They can solve complex mathematical puzzles that involve intricate, multi-step strategies. But the adults around them may not be able to show the same level of commitment or ability to think ahead to enable these kids to continue to benefit from the chess program.

Parents should know that this film includes the portrayal of children in difficult circumstances and some schoolyard language.

Family discussion: What do you have to be good at to succeed in chess? What makes this chess program so important to the kids?

If you like this try: “Mad Hot Ballroom” and “Searching for Bobby Fischer” — and try a game of chess!

Hotel Transylvania

Posted on September 27, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Lowest Recommended Age:	4th - 6th Grades
MPAA Rating:	Rated PG for some rude humor, action, and scary images
Profanity:	Some schoolyard language
Alcohol/ Drugs:	None
Violence/ Scariness:	Funny-scary monsters
Diversity Issues:	A theme of the movie
Date Released to Theaters:	September 28, 2012
Amazon.com ASIN:	B0034G4OYA

What scared me most about “Hotel Transylvania” was the prospect of another film starring Adam Sandler and Andy Samberg. Their last collaboration was “That’s My Boy,” by far the most excruciatingly painful experience I’ve had at a theater this year. Thankfully, just providing voices for this PG animated horror comedy written by five other people, Sandler and Samberg are charming. It is a sweet, funny story about monsters who want to enjoy a peaceful life far from humans and the human who finds them anyway.

Sandler plays Count Dracula, a doting if over-protective vampire father who builds the hotel as a refuge so he and his daughter Mavis (Selena Gomez) can be safe from scary people with their pitchforks and torches. Dracula croons a tender lullaby: “Hush little baby, don’t say a word, papa’s going to bite the head off a bird.” Next to the changing table is a coffin-shaped diaper pail.

Mavis gets a little older, with cute little baby tooth fangs, and her caped father makes sure she’s wearing a helmet before he teaches her how to transform into a bat and fly. The hotel is a castle surrounded by a haunted forest and a graveyard populated by the undead. “Human-free since 1898,” the hotel proudly proclaims. And so things stay for over a century.

This Dracula has no need for human blood (“it’s so fatty and you don’t know where it’s been”). He relies on synthetic. All he wants is to take care of his guests, give his daughter a wonderful 118th birthday party, make sure she never leaves home, and never, ever see a human. But then, just as all of the monsters have arrived for the party, an easy-going bro with an enormous back-pack walks in. His name is Jonathan (Samberg), he thinks the monsters are cool, and he likes Mavis’ goth-girl vibe. This is worse than torches and pitchforks. A human who wants to get rid of monsters is one thing but a daughter who might fall in love with one is even scarier. And yes, there a wink at “Twilight.”

Of the three animated horror 3D comedies this fall, “Hotel Transylvania” is the least aesthetically ambitious, the most accessible for younger children, and the closest to the comfortingly silly scares of “Scooby-Doo.” Like this film, “ParaNorman” (now in theaters) and “Frankenweenie” (opening next week), the focus is on showing us that what we think is scary really is not very frightening after all. Of the three, this one has more all-out comedy, much of it coming from the monster-fied setting and the ghoul-ification of ordinary life. At Hotel Transylvania, the Do Not Disturb signs hanging from the doorknobs are shrunken heads — very outspoken ones. Mavis likes to eat “scream” cheese, which amusingly rises up from the cracker to let out a squeal as she takes a bite. Guests are greeted by zombie bellman, a Jack Pumpkinhead doorman, and a skeleton mariachi band with hats and sarapes. When the Invisible Man (David Spade) attempts to play charades, it is a hoot.

First-time director Genndy Tartakovsky was a storyboard artist on films like “Iron Man 2,” so he has an exceptional understanding of the mechanics and timing of the action sequences, and 3D adds a vertiginous thrill to a chase on flying tables and a touch of claustrophobia to a maze of underground corridors. It is telling that both of those highlights involve the most vivid vampire/human relationship at the heart of the story — Dracula and Jonathan. Despite a lot of talk about romantic “zing,” the bromance is much more real than the love story. And when they leave the castle for that most overused of climax cliches, the race to the airport, the story sags.

Top voice talent includes Kevin James as a sweet-natured Frankenstein and Fran Drescher as his bride, Steve Buscemi and Molly Shannon as the Wolf couple with innumerable cubs, and Ceelo Green as the outgoing Mummy. But the real stars are character designers Carter Goodrich (“Despicable Me”), Greg Kellman (“Madagascar”), and Carlos Grangel (“King Fu Panda”), whose monsters pay affectionate homage to their origins but are so endearing that families may want to pay a visit to have room service deliver an order of scream cheese.

Parents should know that the monsters in this movie are intended to be more funny than scary but there are some grotesque and macabre images that may be frightening to young or sensitive children as well as some potty humor and peril.

Family discussion: Why was Dracula so afraid to let Mavis leave home? How can parents know when their children are ready for more responsibility? Which monster was your favorite?

If you like this, try: “ParaNorman,” “Monster House,” “Monsters vs. Aliens,” and “Scooby-Doo”