Bully

Posted on April 12, 2012 at 6:00 pm

This is a message for Alex.  You are a great kid.  You will be a great, happy, successful adult.  And those high school boys who torture you so brutally on the school bus every day will spend their adult lives either clueless about why they will never feel as big and tough as they did in high school or horrified by the way they treated you.

This is a message for the school system.  Do not put high schoolers and middle schoolers on the same bus.  Do not tell two boys who are fighting to shake hands and apologize and send them on their way.  Do not show parents who are agonized by seeing footage of their son being tortured on the school bus a picture of your new grandchild.  And for the love of Pete, start teaching your students that neither inflicting nor tolerating abuse will be permitted in your school.  If students cannot feel safe, they cannot learn.

This searing documentary tells five stories.  Two of its subjects have already committed suicide, one only 11 years old.  Another, overcome by the pain of continual abuse and feeling she had no other option, brought a gun on the school bus and found herself trapped by a judicial system that has zero tolerance for firearms but is helpless to combat sustained physical and emotional torture.  Then there is Kelby, a confident young lesbian who has a few close friends but is otherwise an outcast.  And Alex, who is what pediatricians call an FLK (funny-looking kid).  He has a great heart (watch him with his mother and his little sister).  But he was born prematurely and has a bit more than the usual middle school awkwardness.  It is wrenching to see him come home every day and answer his mother’s anxious question about how things went with a noncommittal, “fine.”

I once heard a principal say that a lot of upset parents came through his office, parents who were concerned about their children’s academic or behavior problems.  But, he said, the ones who put their heads down on his desk and sobbed were the ones who felt hopeless about their children’s sense of isolation and lack of friends.  One of the most touching moments of the film is when Kelby’s father, a  conservative Christian who had been anti-gay until his daughter came out says soberly that if you want to find out how little you understood about your life, have a gay child.  His own friends had stopped talking to them.  All of the parents in this movie are devoted, loving, supportive, and devastated.

Anyone who has survived adolescence knows what it feels like to be excluded or different.  But as adults, until our children remind us, we sometimes forget how devastating those feelings are when you are too young to know that for the rest of your life it will not be as hard to find safe places and good friends.

The movie also made me think about the way we seem to perpetuate a bully culture.  Whether it is the real housewives or politicians and commentators, we have enabled a culture of disrespect and partisanship that sets a bad example.  I hope all middle schoolers and high schoolers will see this movie and begin some conversations about what all of us can do to bring us closer to a culture of civility and respect, or just to bring us closer.

 

(more…)

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Documentary School Teenagers

‘Field of Vision’ — New on Family Movie Night

Posted on June 8, 2011 at 12:00 pm

The latest in the wonderful “Family Movie Night” series from Wal-Mart and P&G is “Field of Vision,” the story of a high school football star who has to choose between his team and his conscience when he sees filmed evidence that his teammates have been bullying a new classmate.

Faith Ford co-stars as the mother of the school’s quarterback (Tony Oller).  If he tells the coach what he saw, they may be disqualified from the championship game.  And the camera’s footage has more secrets to reveal as well.  This is an important movie for families to share as a way to talk about some very difficult subjects, not just bullying but about finding the moral courage to decide between competing loyalties.  It will be available on DVD after the broadcast.

The quote in the movie is from Hillel: “If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am ‘I’? And if not now, when?
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For the Whole Family Television

7.5 Million Underage Facebook Users — New Report

Posted on May 10, 2011 at 10:30 am

Of the 20 million minors who actively used Facebook in the past year, 7.5 million of them were younger than 13, according to projections from Consumer Reports’ latest State of the Net survey.  Facebook’s terms of service require users to be at least 13 years old.

Also among this group of minors using Facebook, more than 5 million were 10 and under.  Consumer Reports survey found that their accounts were largely unsupervised by their parents, exposing them to malware or serious threats such as predators or bullies.  It is not only the underage users who are at risk. Children’s unsafe use of Facebook can expose the data on their parents’ computers and smart phones to abuse via identity theft and other privacy violations.

The report on Internet security, which includes the full survey results and advice for parents of Facebook users, is featured in the June issue of Consumer Reports and on www.ConsumerReports.org.

Social media is just one of the many ways consumers expose themselves and make themselves vulnerable to becoming a victim of identity theft or having to replace their computer. Earlier this year, Consumer Reports surveyed 2,089 online households nationwide and found that one-third had experienced a malicious software infection in the previous year. Consumer Reports estimates that malware cost consumers $2.3 billion last year and forced them to replace 1.3 millions PCs.

Consumer Reports recommends:

Being Social but Safe

  • Monitor a child’s account. Parents should join their children’s circle of friends on Facebook.  If that’s not feasible with an older teenager, keep tabs on them through their friends or siblings, as did 18 percent of parents surveyed who had 13- to 17-year olds on Facebook. Parents should delete a pre-teen’s account or ask Facebook to do so by using its “report an underage child” form.
  • Utilize privacy controls. Roughly one in five active adult Facebook users said they hadn’t utilized Facebook’s privacy controls, making them more vulnerable to threats. Facebook’s privacy controls may not prevent every breach but they help. Users should set everything they can to be accessible only to those on their friends list. Enabling a public search allows users’ profile picture, friends list, activities and more to be visible online outside of Facebook.
  • Turn off Instant Personalization. Facebook has been adding sites to its Instant Personalization feature, which automatically links accounts to user-review sites such as TripAdvisor (travel) and Yelp (local businesses). Users who don’t wish to share what cities they have visited with their Facebook friends via TripAdvisor should disable Instant Personalization, which is turned on by default.
  • Use apps with caution. Even though Facebook says in its privacy policy that it doesn’t share identifiable information with advertisers without permission, connecting with an app or website allows access to general information. Users should check the list of apps they are using and define the settings for each one listed. Decide what information the app can access, when possible, or perhaps eliminate the app altogether. Also, users should limit access to their information that is available to apps that friends use.

Protecting a Mobile Phone

  • Use a password or PIN. The easiest way to protect data against loss is with a personal identification number (PIN) or password on a phone. Most cell and smart phones have an option to do so under settings or security options. Consumer Reports’ survey found that only about 20 percent of mobile phone owners using their phones in potentially risky ways such as storing sensitive data had taken this precaution.
  • Take advantage of security services. Many smart-phone makers offer free security services such as over-the-air backup, remote phone locating, remote phone locking, and erasing of data and account information. There’s software available that allows users to lock the phone or erase data remotely. Users who don’t need the phone’s GPS feature should disable it.
  • Use caution when downloading apps. Only download apps from recognized sources.  Make sure many others have already used it and read reviews before downloading it.  Also, scrutinize the permissions an app requests. If any seem questionable, such as a request to track location when there’s no obvious need for the app to do so, don’t download the app.

 

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