Interview: Claire LaZebnik of Epic Fail and Families and Other Non-Returnable Gifts

Posted on September 27, 2011 at 3:59 pm

Claire LaZebnik is the witty and wise author of two new books, both highly recommended. Families and Other Nonreturnable Gifts (for adults) is the story of Keats, the “normal” child in an unconventional family with poetically-named siblings Hopkins (a brilliant doctor) and Milton (a reclusive computer geek) and divorcing parents who disapprove of her long-time boyfriend. Epic Fail, for YA (young adult) readers, has the daughter of the new principal of a tony prep school meet the son of Hollywood stars in a Pride and Prejudice-style romantic comedy. LaZebnik is as much fun to interview as she is to read and it was a treat to get her to answer my questions.

You are a big Jane Austen fan — which book is your favorite? How has she influenced or inspired you?

My favorite Austen novel used to be Pride and Prejudice, because it’s the most unabashedly romantic of them all. Darcy and Elizabeth spar so beautifully while they’re falling in love–the romantic tension is phenomenal. I’ll never get tired of rereading it. But at some point after college, I started to prefer Emma. Emma is such a wonderfully flawed heroine. She’s conceited and overly-confident and a snob, but she’s also smart and beautiful and lovable. And Mr. Knightley is . . . <happy, dreamy sigh because words can’t capture how I feel about him> . . . There’s just something about the way he’s guiding her and loving her and forgiving her all at the same time that I find even more romantic than the Elizabeth/Darcy sparring thing. But I had to grow into that.

Austen’s inspiring because she was limited to writing about the world she knew, which was a very restricted world of parlors and teas, but she still managed to capture an entire universe of human behavior.

Also, Austen wrote in her sister’s house, in the midst of chaos. I do most of my writing downstairs, surrounded by the family and pets, in the midst of chaos. If she didn’t complain, I’m not going to. (Okay, that’s a lie. I always complain.)

When you began Families and Other Nonreturnable Gifts, the story of upheavals in the life of an unconventional family, did it start with an image or a character or an incident?

With a contrast actually: I wanted to contrast a middle-aged mother who’s dating a bunch of different men with her young daughter who’s in a longterm relationship. I like that they both play against people’s expectations.

Why do we all feel like outsiders in our own families at times?

When you’re a kid, you buy into your family’s mythology. You believe that the way your family does things is the right and proper way to do them–maybe even the ONLY way to do them. Then you leave home, go to college, fall in love, get to know other people’s families, go into therapy . . . and you suddenly have a different perspective on your childhood. You walk into your old home and realize that there was nothing universal about your upbringing, that it was specific to your family and that certain aspects of it probably could have been better. And once you realize that, it can be strange and alienating. You can go home again but you’ll never look at it quite the same way.

How do you have a first-person narrator tell a story so that the reader understands some things before she does?

A friend once told me that even though her boyfriend was difficult and jealous, she loved him and intended to marry him. I could tell she was actually trying to gather the courage to break up with him. Sometimes we telegraph our intentions before we even acknowledge them to ourselves. And that’s what happens with my narrators sometimes–they manage to communicate to the reader their underlying emotions without stopping to examine them.

You have some vivid and sympathetic portrayals of characters with social interaction issues, not often seen in novels. What does this add to the story?

I just think it’s realistic: I know lots of people who have mild agoraphobia or autism or depression, and there are times when these things can really interfere with forward momentum. So I find that interesting to include in a novel, especially since how their family members deal with it–whether they’re supportive or enabling or dismissive–reveals a lot about those characters too. And I think readers really root for someone who’s struggling to overcome any kind of inner paralysis.

Do you have a particular audience in mind when you write?

My editor, mostly! I’ve had the same editor for my last four adult novels. She’s wonderful–smart and receptive and kind–and I feel like if I can please her, I’m on the right track. She’s also kind of the target audience for the book–she’s young, and well-read.

Why does Keats, the “normal daughter,” remind you of Marilyn in the old Munsters TV show?

Cousin Marilyn was the odd man out in the Munsters, because everyone else was a monster and she was blond and pretty and human. Keats, who’s competent and lucid and socially outgoing, feels like she’s the weird one when she spends time with her brilliant, quirky, incompetent relatives. Normalcy is relative: out in the world, Keats is normal, but at home she’s the oddball.

How did you pick the three poets that inspired the names of the main character and her siblings?

That’s such a good question! I didn’t even realize how much I was hoping someone would ask that until you did. Yeats is my all time favorite poet, so I would have liked to have named my protagonist Yeats but that’s just TOO weird. No one even knows how to pronounce it. But Yeats makes me think of Keats . . . and that seemed much closer to a real name. So she became Keats. Hopkins wrote my favorite line of poetry, one that’s stuck with me for decades–“There lives the dearest freshness deep down things“–so I’m fond of him. Plus, Hopkins sounded like a cool name to me. And Milton is a real name, and also one of the greatest poets of all time, so he seemed like an obvious choice.

What has surprised you most about readers’ reactions to your books?

Their concern about characters I haven’t thought that much about. I don’t want to ruin anything, but one character does get his heart broken in this novel, and several people emailed me to say, “I’m very worried about him–please promise me he’ll be okay.” Someone even asked if he could get his own sequel. In all honesty, I hadn’t given him another thought once he was out of the picture . . . but it’s kind of gratifying to know that readers feel that invested.

Your books are very funny — what makes you laugh?

Many things make me laugh, but my kids most of all. Like, a few months ago we were all trying to figure out what movie we should go to and my husband and I wanted to see “127 Hours,” so we were describing it to the kids, and my 11-year-old son said, “I don’t think I should see that movie and I don’t think I should have to be the one to point that out.” Every time I think of that, I start laughing again. He was so right. And it was such a great way to put it.

What was the first piece of writing you got paid for? What did you do with the money?

Wow. I’m not positive, but I think it was probably an essay I wrote for GQ magazine. My sister was a magazine writer at the time and they asked her to do an “All About Adam” essay (I don’t know if they still have that feature–women writing about men) and she was too busy but she told them they should give me a shot at it. So I did and they bought it and that was the beginning of my magazine career. I think it was like a dollar a word, so a few hundred dollars, maybe? I’m sad to say that I’ve never been one of those people who earmark earnings for something special. I always stick checks in the bank and they just become part of my savings, although sometimes I will think, “Well, that last check paid for this” when I buy something indulgent.

What’s the best thing about writing for a YA audience?

The fan mail. I get the most mind-blowingly wonderful emails from teenage girls. They care deeply about the characters and really want to connect with me to discuss them. And a lot of them are interested in a writing career, so I love having the chance to encourage that. I answer every email I get. If someone’s taken the time to write me, I’m going to let her know how much I appreciate it.

Your characters often use humor to connect with or deflect each other — how do you create the humor personality of each character?

My romantic leads tend to “find” each other through their similar senses of humor. I often have the main characters tease each other in a way that other people in the book just can’t keep up with. I’m not interested in snarky or nasty humor–there has to be a positive and playful energy to it. And they have to know when it’s time to be serious. Not everything should be a joke.

What is it about the Elizabeth/Darcy conflict that makes it so enduring and relatable?

I don’t know if I’d say it’s relatable so much as it’s a truly satisfying fantasy: I mean, the most sought-after bachelor in your social circle falls in love with you AGAINST HIS WILL. He knows he shouldn’t, but he can’t help himself. It’s the most romantic thing in the world! And the reason he falls in love with her is that she’s so funny and smart. Honestly, there are so many clunky romances these days where you never actually see the attraction, where the authors assume that having characters be rude to each other is the same as Elizabeth and Darcy sparring. E and D are never RUDE. They’re smart and witty and have good conversations, even before they fall in love.

How is high school like Austen’s insular communities?

There’s a clear hierarchy to both, one that might not be obvious to outsiders, but is very clear to anyone inside the community. And those social divisions are almost impossible to cross or change–it’s very rare for someone in one group to fall in love with someone in another, and if it happens, it sends ripples throughout the entire community. Plus everyone knows everyone else’s business–it’s virtually impossible to keep a secret!

Family Media Rules for the New School Year

Posted on August 29, 2011 at 9:37 am

As families get ready to start a new school year, it is a good opportunity to sit down and map out the rules for managing media, which should be posted in the kitchen and signed off on by both adults and children. Here’s what I recommend as a good starting point for developing a plan that works for you.

Certain times and spaces in the home should be media-free zones. That means no iPods for kids and no Blackberries for parents and no smart phones for anyone. Recommended: during meals, in car rides under 30 minutes, after bedtime.

No screen time for anyone under age 2, as recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics.

Recreational screen time, whether television, DVDs, or computers, is a treat, not a right. It’s a good idea to make sure that it comes only after homework, chores, exercise, other kinds of play, and family time.

Make sure there is some quiet time each day as well. The spirit is nourished by silence. All too often, we try to drown out our unsettled or lonely feelings in noise, instead of allowing them to resolve themselves. Just as important, the best and most meaningful family communication flourishes only in quiet.

Plan recreational media usage. You might say something like, “We should have time for one hour of television today” or “Let’s get a DVD to watch on Sunday afternoon.” Then look at the newspaper or television guide listing together or look through a movie guide to see the options and pick which ones you think are worthwhile. Try to avoid the “let’s see what’s on television” channel surf, which has a tendency to be numbing rather than engaging or relaxing.

Distract and entertain the kids with books, crayons, or non-electronic toys; not television, iPads, and DVDs. The Washington-based Center for Media Education estimates that preschoolers watch four hours of television a day. Most educators think that anything over two hours at that age takes too much time away from the important “work” of playing, learning to interact with others, learning to amuse themselves, and developing their imaginations. School-age kids should spend even less time with television.

Turn the television off when the program or DVD is over, unless there is something else you planned to watch on next. This discourages the idea that we “watch television” instead of watching particular programs.

Watch with the kids whenever possible, and comment on what you see. Encourage them to comment, too. “What do you think he will do next?” “She looks sad. I think they hurt her feelings.” “He’s having a hard time feeling good about himself, isn’t he?” “If you were that kid, what would you do?” “If someone said that to you, how would you feel?”

Look for positive role models for girls. Children’s shows produced for commercial networks tend to ignore girls. Producers are asked for shows with “boy appeal,” because the numbers show that girls will watch shows produced for boys, but boys won’t watch shows produced for girls. There is a lot of what I call “the Smurfette syndrome,” a reference to the once-popular cartoon show that featured 99 highly varied male characters and one girl character, whose sole and defining characteristic was that she was a female. Whether you have daughters or sons, help them to be sensitive to these concerns, asking questions like, “Do you think it’s fair that there are no girls on that team?” “How come only the boys get to go on that adventure?” and commenting positively on good female role models: “She’s brave!” “That’s what I call persistence!”

Be alert for issues of race, religion, ethnicity, gender, family, and class. The media tends to feature Dick and Jane, Ozzie and Harriet suburban families, where Dad works and Mom stays home and does housework and everyone is white and vaguely Christian. Non-whites are often portrayed condescendingly or stereotypically. Make sure your children know that there are many different kinds of families, and many different kinds of homes. Make an effort to be sure they see diverse families in what they watch.

Set a good example. Don’t let the kids see you veg out in front of the television, aimlessly clicking the remote. Don’t tell them not to talk to you so you can watch some sitcom. Do let them see you reading, and enjoying what you read.

Don’t ever let anyone — parent, grandparent, sibling or friend — tell a child that a program or video he or she wants to watch is “too babyish.” Respect children’s interest and affection for the shows they like, and their need to return to old comforts.

Make sure that children understand the difference between programs and commercials. Saturday morning cartoon commercials are particularly troublesome, with a sort of hip-hop precocity that shows grade-school kids acting like hyperactive mini-teenagers. Online games and communities for children are also filled with marketing and advertising.

Establish a zero-tolerance policy for mean or bullying behavior on social media. Middle school and elementary school-age children should know that parents can and do review everything they do online or via texting at any time.

If you find that you have made a mistake and taken your children to a film that you find inappropriate, leave the theater. You can get your money back. And you communicate an important lesson to your children about your commitment to protecting them. The same is true, of course, for a DVD or television show.

Do not be shy about setting television limits with babysitters, friends’ parents, or grandparents. Never leave your children with anyone without being clear about your rules.

Be careful with tie-ins, especially cartoons based on movie characters. Just because a Saturday morning cartoon like “Beetlejuice” or “The Mask” or some fast food gizmo is geared for children does not mean that the associated movie is appropriate for them as well.

Use movies as a starting point for developing interests. Go to the library to check out a book or video relating to what you have seen. Read the newspaper for stories relating to what you have seen. Make a craft project inspired by the show. (“Can you draw Mickey carrying the buckets of water?” “Let’s try to find where Indiana Jones went on a map.”)

When in doubt, turn it off. Remember that there is no reason to watch any DVD unless you genuinely feel it is the best use of your child’s time and worth two hours of childhood.

Every month or so, try a “television diet” day without any television at all, and use the extra time for special family activities.

When an older sibling is watching a video that is not appropriate for a younger child, make sure the younger child has an appealing alternative. It’s a good time for you to do something special together, even if it is just sorting laundry or setting the table.

Establish strict limits on viewing, but try not to use limits as a punishment, unless the offense relates to television itself (watching without permission, for example) or time management (“If you don’t finish cleaning up by 3:00, you won’t have time to watch the movie.”) This reinforces the message that we make decisions about television and videos based only on the merits of the shows.

Let them know why you like (or don’t like) particular shows. Try not to say that something is “too old” for them, as this will just make them more interested in seeing what it is about. Sometimes it works better to say (truthfully) that it is “too stupid.” Compare it to food; some shows are like healthful food, some are like candy, some are like poison. Model good television behavior yourself. Don’t keep it on as background noise. Don’t watch anything you don’t want them to see if they are around (you’d be amazed — and appalled — at what a three-year-old can pick up.)

No television in a child’s bedroom, unless he or she is sick in bed. It is not only isolating, but it makes establishing limits impossible.

Never, never, never have the television on during family meals. That is your most precious time to share the day’s experiences, challenges, and thoughts, and to let children know how important they are to you. The same goes for rides in the car, minivan, or RV.

Letter to Steve Carell re ‘Crazy Stupid Love’s’ Teen Nude Photos

Posted on August 10, 2011 at 12:00 pm

I was very pleased to hear that my friend Rev. Debra Haffner has written to producer/star Steve Carell about the scene where a 17-year-old girl gives a 13-year-old boy nude photos in “Crazy, Stupid, Love.” This offensive scene, portraying the gift as generous and compassionate, is one reason I gave “Crazy, Stupid, Love” a D. Rev. Haffner is one of the leading experts in the country on teen sexuality. She acknowledges that these are fictional characters but points out that teenagers get ideas about how to behave from what they see on screen. If she gets a response, I will post it.

Dear Mr. Carell:

I am writing to you as a certified sexuality educator and an ordained Unitarian Universalist minister who is concerned that your new movie, “Crazy, Stupid, Love” models behaviors for teen and tween audiences that puts them at risk for legal action. I am the author of several books for parents on talking with their children and teens about sexuality, and I have worked with adolescents on responsible sexual behavior for many years.

There are several sexual messages in the movie that I disagree with, but I am most concerned about 17 year old Jessica giving 13 year old Robbie nude photos of herself that she took. It is illegal for anyone to create sexually explicit images of a minor, to possess such images, or to distribute them. Although it may seem nonsensical, several states have passed additional laws that make it illegal for teens to take and distribute such pictures of themselves to other teens. Indeed, because of their age differences, depending on the age of majority in the state, Jessica might also be charged and convicted as a sexual offender for exposing a minor to child pornography. In some states, she could face life in prison or have to register as a sex offender for life. Further, the gender of the characters reinforces a stereotype that teen boys cannot be victims of child sexual abuse, when in reality, a boy is most likely sexually victimized by a teenage girl.

These are fictional characters – but their actions may well be repeated by young people in your audiences. I know that your movie is out in general release, and I don’t know what can be done by Carousal Productions at this point to get out the message, “don’t’ try this at home”. But, I do know that PG-13 movies shouldn’t be modeling criminal behaviors as harmless or worse, acts of generosity.

I would welcome hearing a response from you. Please let me know if I can provide you with additional information.

Sincerely,

Rev. Dr. Debra Haffner

What Facebook Does to Kids

Posted on August 9, 2011 at 8:27 am

Atlantic Wire has a good post on the impact of Facebook on the brains of the teenagers who use it, based on a presentation to the American Psychological Association by psychologist Larry D. Rosen’s called “Poke Me: How Social Networks Can Both Help and Harm Our Kids.” Facebook has been so transformational that it is hard to remember it has only been around for seven years and only been available outside of college campuses for five, almost hard to remember life before status updates and likes. Our son went to college before social media. Two years later, our daughter arrived on her campus feeling as though she was already friends with some of her classmates by meeting them online.

It hasn’t been around long enough for long-term studies of its impact, but Rebecca Greenfield rounds up some of the research so far, finding that Facebook can promote “virtual empathy” and strengthen social skills. Perhaps most interesting, “When making friends on the social network, kids are more likely to overlook race and make friends based on interest, a UCLA study found.” But she notes that Facebook breeds narcissism and “doesn’t prepare kids for real-life talking.”

Comic-Con: Catching Up with the Winner Twins

Posted on July 26, 2011 at 5:58 pm

One of my favorite moments at Comic-Con each year is my chance to catch up with the brilliant and beautiful Winner twins, Brianna and Brittney, whose astonishing mastery of story and vocabulary has produced an extraordinary body of work. The mirror image identical twins published the first volume of their science fiction series at age 11 and now travel to schools to encourage other young writers. This year, they conducted a panel for would-be writers and I was very impressed with their advice on everything from getting started (it works best if you start from the end!), working with a partner (they use a pen as a “speaking stick” to make sure they both get a chance to talk), overcoming writer’s block, and finding an objective but constructive third party to provide feedback. I especially liked their emphasis on the fun of writing, which is, as they reminded the group, the reason to do it. I highly recommend their booklet on how to write. And their Strand series is a great book for tweens and teens, and even for adults.

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