Jon and Kate Plus D-I-V-O-R-C-E

Posted on June 23, 2009 at 4:49 pm

The big announcement by Jon and Kate Gosselin that they are divorcing comes as no surprise. While they used the word “separate,” the program acknowledged that it has gone farther than that and that they have filed for dissolution of the marriage. I am terribly sad for the children. I thought of the Loretta Lynn song that has the parents spelling their words in a conversation about the end of the marriage so that their children would not understand what was going on.
Their children knew. And so do the eight Gosselin children.
I do not pretend that we can truly understand anything about anyone’s marriage, even one that has been so thoroughly documented. For example, Kate’s frequent on-camera criticism of Jon — she once famously barked at him for breathing — could be superficial, just a heightened form of teasing, or it could be the outward manifestation of something much more fundamentally corrosive. “Reality” television creates the illusion of truth, but every edit shapes the story. Every camera changes what is filmed. And what was true yesterday can change very quickly due to the influence of public attention.
But I think it is fair to say that the stress of eight small children and constant media scrutiny played added to the pressure on Jon and Kate and on their relationship. And I also think it is fair to say that it is a shame our society does not provide more support for couples who need some guidance to strengthen their connection and communication.
I still believe what I said earlier:

Jon and Kate will have to work out what is best for them and for their family. But we, too, should give some thought to the part we have played as their audience — whether for the show or for the salacious gossip. Were we too ready to believe the best about them? Are we too ready to believe the worst?

Families with children who are fans of the show should be prepared to talk about what is going on and to provide reassurance that the eight children will still see both parents and that sometimes grown-ups do not get along but they never stop loving their children.

Did Board Games Cause the Financial Meltdown?

Posted on June 18, 2009 at 8:00 am

The Big Money has an interesting — and thought-provoking — slide show suggesting that the roots of the financial crisis come from the lessons we learned as children playing board games. Just look at these directions from Monopoly:

Monopoly has taught us that financial institutions are invincible. The game’s banker cannot go bankrupt, according to the rules: “The Bank never ‘goes broke.’ If the Bank runs out of money, the Banker may issue as much as needed by writing on any ordinary paper.

“The Game of Life” and “Payday” encourage players to buy houses even without money and make deals with or without money and “Risk” encourages them to conquer the world. Fantasy? Well, so were the high-tech and subprime derivative bubbles. I know they are joking here, but it does make me wonder what kinds of games we should create to teach today’s children to be more careful?

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Understanding Media and Pop Culture

What does PG-13 Mean?

Posted on June 17, 2009 at 3:58 pm

Two movies are opening this week, both rated PG-13, but they are at opposite ends of that very broad spectrum that reaches from the suitable-for-grade-school PGs to the 17-and-up R rating. I will go into more detail in the reviews, but “The Proposal” is a romantic comedy with a few bad words, some sexual references, and nudity that does not reveal anything that would be covered by a (small) bathing suit. But “Year One” is a gross-out comedy with jokes about incest, castration, circumcision, orgies, and lots of bathroom jokes.
Parents should always be very cautious about PG-13 films, especially comedies, because it is impossible to predict, based on one film with that rating, what any other PG-13 will include.

Dan Savage Takes on “The Suite Life of Zach and Cody”

Posted on June 17, 2009 at 8:00 am

I am a huge fan of advice columnist Dan Savage and his essays for “This American Life.” His recent commentary on the death of his mother brought me to tears. And I am very impressed with his thoughtful assessment of the Disney Channel series “The Suite Life of Zach and Cody.” As a gay man, he remembers the feeling of disconnection he had as a child who never saw on television characters who reflected his view of the world, how he felt, who he wanted to be. And now as a father, he sees his son watching the ostensibly wholesome “Suite Life” and finds it as disturbing a portrayal of heterosexuality as the over-the-top stereotypes of gays he saw when he was growing up. Ten-year-old Zach’s fascination with a pretty teenage girl, his advice about how to get “babes” by lying to them, his creepy come-ons, comments like “I’d better practice my kissing” — Savage says that his son has a “look of concentration” when he watches as though he is “filing things away for future reference.” Savage wants his son, a straight boy growing up with gay parents, to see positive models of heterosexual behavior in the media. But “stereotypes are patient,” says Savage. “They’ll wear you down.”

Which is Dirtier — ‘Land of the Lost’ or ‘Hangover?’ (Spoiler Alert)

Posted on June 8, 2009 at 3:58 pm

The Hangover and Land of the Lost opened on the same day. Other than that, they have little in common. The Hangover is a raunchy comedy about the aftermath of a Las Vegas bachelor party that would have been unforgettable if any of the attendees could remember any of it. The movie has male and female nudity, substance abuse, and many different kinds of very bad behavior. The movie is rated R, just barely (no pun intended). The still photos over the closing credits merit an NC-17.
Land of the Lost is based on a classic — if cheesy — 1970’s children’s television show. It has dinosaurs and time travel but it is “rated PG-13 for crude and sexual content, and for language including a drug reference.”
Both movies are silly comedies with no aspiration to be anything else, but I would argue that it is the superficially raunchier film, “The Hangover,” that is more moral and a more entertaining film as a result. “Land of the Lost” treats its female character (played by the talented and beautiful Anna Friel) as a prop. She is there to provide exposition, to be literally pawed by an ape-boy, and to gaze adoringly at Will Ferrell. Although she is the only intelligent and capable person in the film, she is treated as an afterthought. The other characters behave badly and treat her badly and there are no consequences of any kind.
“The Hangover,” on the other hand, is a movie entirely about consequences. The bachelor party guests spend the whole film piecing together the bad choices they made the night before and paying for them financially, emotionally, and even spiritually. They all learn something important and we leave confident that they will be unlikely to repeat their mistakes (except that they have already agreed to a sequel). Furthermore, legally and morally they are not completely responsible for the worst of their behavior because they were drugged, two of them inadvertently.
No one is arguing that either of these films is any kind of morality tale. They are both helium-weight comedies. But I think “The Hangover” is a better film because it fits the innate audience desire for justice and lessons learned. The vicarious thrill of the transgressive behavior is not nearly as satisfying as seeing the characters learn some painful lessons and pay for their mistakes.
For a little more insight into the MPAA’s approach to ratings, take a look at what they have to say.

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