The Pirates! Band of Misfits

Posted on April 26, 2012 at 6:00 pm

B+

Lowest Recommended Age:	Kindergarten - 3rd Grade
MPAA Rating:	Rated PG for mild action, rude humor, and some language
Profanity:	A few bad words ("crap")
Alcohol/ Drugs:	Scene in bar
Violence/ Scariness:	Comic action-style violence
Diversity Issues:	Diverse characters
Date Released to Theaters:	April 27, 2012
Date Released to DVD:	August 27, 2012
Amazon.com ASIN:	B0034G4P1W

The Pirate Captain (Hugh Grant) enjoys his life of adventure on the high seas, but there are a few problems. His crew is having a spirited debate about the best part of pirating – is it the cutlasses, the looting, the chance to catch exotic diseases, or ham night? Queen Victoria (Imelda Staunton) has ordered the Royal Navy to get rid of all pirates.

Most important, the Pirate Captain really, really wants to win the coveted “Pirate of the Year” award, reasoning that because “Every time I’ve entered, I’ve failed to win. So, I must have a really good chance this time!” He does have a coffee mug that says “World’s Best Captain” and once won a ribbon for telling the best anecdote about a squid.

The wonderful folks at Aardman (“Chicken Run,” “Wallace and Gromit”) have created another deliriously silly stop-motion animation delight, filled with giddy pleasures and so many witty details flying by that you wish for a pause button. The “Pirate of the Year” application is whisked away quickly, but we get a glance at some of the items requested. Was the booty acquired by exciting adventure, a beauty contest, or perhaps in exchange for bonds? And what is the quality of the beard?

The Pirate Captain’s beard is certainly glossy and bushy enough to win a prize, but – it must be said – he is not up to some of the other candidates in other categories. Black Bellamy (Jeremy Piven), Peg Leg Hastings (Lenny Henry), and the bling-sporting beauty Cutlass Liz (Salma Hayek) are out front when it comes to ruthlessness, treasure, and the price on their heads. The Pirate Captain’s wanted poster shows a reward of just 12 doubloons and a free pen. He is not very good at selecting targets for robbery and pillage, boarding a ghost ship, a leper ship, and a boat carrying a school geography field trip.

The prospects for Pirate of the Year seem dim until the Pirate Captain boards another booty-less boat, this one carrying Charles Darwin (David Tennant), who recognizes that the Pirate Captain does have one important asset. It seems the Pirate Captain is as poor at ornithology as he is at treasure-detection. The bird he has insisted is a big-boned parrot named Polly is something much more exotic, and if he presents it to the scientific association and wins their Scientist of the Year award, the fame and fortune just might qualify him for Pirate of the Year!

But others are interested in the bird. Darwin and his trained monkey manservant Mr. Bobo, who communicates entirely via hilarious cue-card style signs and Queen Victoria herself want Polly as well. The various captures and rescues involve various disguises and Aardman’s sublimely inventive chase scenes, combining Rube Goldbergian intricacy with Jackie Chan timing. They also manage to bring in Jane Austen, the Elephant Man, Rubik’s Cube, The Clash, the classic elementary school science experiment combining vinegar and baking soda, and gourmet dining.

The pleasures we expect from an Aardman film are all here, including humor that manages to be both wild and understated. The silent Mr. Bobo, cautioned to be quiet, patiently holds up a second sign repeating the same word, but smaller. And the brilliantly executed action sequences dazzle. The chase scene through Darwin’s house has split-second timing through a museum’s worth of artifacts, including an Easter Island head. The bright and eclectic soundtrack includes very funny new song from Flight of the Conchords. And in the midst of all the action and comedy there is some warmth, even tenderness, as those clay faces become surprisingly expressive, and a moment of friendship and loyalty is genuinely touching.

The British Aardman refreshingly makes few concessions for American sensibilities (only the most devoted Anglophiles will catch the Blue Peter and Slocombe references) and none for children. Gideon Defoe’s screenplay, based on his series of books, is filled with the kind of humor that challenges as it amuses. But the distributor decided that Americans would be put off by the original title. It was released in the UK as “The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists!” both funnier and more accurate. The switch to a more “marketable” generic title is disappointing for a film that so amply rewards its confidence in the audience.

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Lockout

Posted on April 11, 2012 at 2:35 pm

B-

Lowest Recommended Age:	Middle School
MPAA Rating:	Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action, and language including some sexual references
Profanity:	Frequent s-words and some other strong language
Alcohol/ Drugs:	Smoking
Violence/ Scariness:	Constant peril and violence, many characters killed, some graphic and disturbing images, character commits suicide to save another
Diversity Issues:	Diverse characters
Date Released to Theaters:	April 13, 2012

You know what was cool? “Die Hard!” One smart-ass guy who has a problem with authority Yippie-ky-ay-ing as he outsmarts a dozen bad guys in an LA skyscraper. And “Under Siege,” with a smart-ass guy who has a problem with authority outsmarting a dozen bad guys on a battleship. And “Con Air,” with a not-so-smart-ass but (relatively speaking) cool and collected guy who’s still a think-for-himself loner on an “escape-proof” prison transport plane filled with really bad guy convicts? So, why not put a smart-ass guy who has a problem with authority on an “escape proof” space station filled with really bad guy convicts who are now even badder guys because they have been given a “stasis” drug that can result in dementia, aggression, and psychosis. And how about if their hostages include the President’s daughter! Borrow some more from “The Rock” and “Escape from New York,” while you’re at it!

It may only be April, but silly summer action movie season is already upon us, and this time it’s Guy Pearce, looking very dashing in riot gear as former CIA operative Snow, the wisecracking hero with his own set of rules. It is 2079. The oval office is in a bunker underneath the White House. And the President’s daughter Emilie (Maggie Grace) has gone to the space station prison that guarantees “no sexual assaults, breakouts, or riots.” She is on a humanitarian mission, to investigate the impact of the stasis drug, and, indirectly, the role of the company that wants to use the drug for commercial space travel, on the prison program. A group of prisoners, led by Alex (Vincent Regan) take over. At first they do not realize who the blonde in the lab coat is (see Ms. Gennaro in “Die Hard”), but eventually they figure it out. Meanwhile, the President and his advisors debate sending in troops or sending in just one guy who is the best, though hard to control, but may be persuaded to take on this suicide mission to get out of his own prison term for a bogus espionage and murder charge.

So we’re off through vents and tunnels and sliding doors and biometric security measures, and some neat gadgets (I loved the voice-activated bombs) and a lot of people with bad attitudes and not much impulse control. And the blonde princessy President’s daughter has to learn a few things and also demonstrate her own toughness and resolve, while she and Snow trade quippy insults. The folks back on Earth have to say things like, “It is vitally important that you go the right way” just as communications are cut off. There are fake-outs and close calls and a really fun zero-gravity fight. And there’s an emergency syringe to the eyeball. Ew.

Even by the standards of silly summer action movies, this one stretches the suspension of disbelief as well as the laws of physics (wait for that return to earth — like something out of Melies’ “Trip to the Moon”). But it is undeniably fun — Pearce is an engaging hero, producer Luc Besson always guarantees entertaining stunts, the set-up is still sturdy and the running time is blessedly brief.

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Titanic 3D

Posted on April 3, 2012 at 6:05 pm

Lowest Recommended Age:	Middle School
MPAA Rating:	Rated PG-13 for disaster-related peril and violence, nudity, sensuality, and brief language
Profanity:	Some strong language
Alcohol/ Drugs:	Drinking, drunkenness, smoking
Violence/ Scariness:	Scenes of historic disaster with many deaths, chase with gun, scuffles
Diversity Issues:	A theme of the movie
Date Released to Theaters:	April 4, 2012
Amazon.com ASIN:	B000ANVQ0K

Classic Greek tragedies explored the theme of hubris as human characters dared to take on the attributes of the gods only to find their hopes crushed. This is a real-life story of hubris, as the ship declared to be “unsinkable” (and therefore not equipped with lifeboats for the majority of the passengers) sank on its maiden voyage from England to the United States. In recognition of the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic, the Oscar-winning blockbuster film is being re-released in 3D.

In this blockbuster movie, winner of ten Oscars including Best Picture and Best Director and on its way to becoming the highest-grossing movie of all time, the disaster serves as the backdrop to a tragic love story between Rose (Kate Winslet), an upper class (though impoverished) girl and Jack (Leonardo DiCaprio), a lower class (though artistic) boy who won the ticket in a poker game.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzgtthLqIJE

The movie raises important questions about choices faced by the characters, as we see a wide range of behavior from the most honorable to the most despicable. The captain (whose decision to try to break a speed record contributed to the disaster) and the ship’s designer (whose plan for additional lifeboats was abandoned because it made the decks look too cluttered) go down with the ship, but the owner and Rose’s greedy and snobbish fiance survive. Molly Brown (dubbed “Unsinkable” for her bravery that night) tries to persuade the other passengers in the lifeboats to go back for the rest. But they refuse, knowing that there is no way to rescue them without losing their own lives. They wait to be picked up by another ship, listening to the shrieks of the others until they all gone.

Many parents have asked me about the appeal of this movie to young teens, especially teen-age girls. The answer is that in addition to the appeal of its young stars, director James Cameron has written an almost perfect adolescent fantasy for girls. Rose is an ideal heroine, rebelling against her mother’s snobbishness and insistence that she marry for money. And Jack is an ideal romantic hero — sensitive, brave, honorable, completely devoted, and (very important for young girls) not aggressive (she makes the decision to pursue the relationship, and he is struck all but dumb when she insists on posing nude). If he is not quite androgynous, he is not exactly bursting with testosterone either, and, ultimately, he is not around. As with so many other fantasies of the perfect romance, from Heathcliff and Cathy in “Wuthering Heights” to Rick and Ilse in “Casablanca” the characters have all the pleasures of the romantic dream with no risk of having to actually build a life with anyone. It is interesting that the glimpses we get of Rose’s life after the Titanic show her alone, though we meet her granddaughter and hear her refer to her husband. Parents can have some very good discussions with teens about this movie by listening carefully and respectfully when they explain why it is important to them, as this is a crucial stage in their development.

Parents should know that this film includes nudity, a non-explicit sexual situation, a chase with a gun, and the depiction of a real-life tragedy that includes hundreds of deaths.

Family discussion: What is the most important thing Rose learns from Jack? What do we learn about her life after Titanic? Do you agree with her decision about the necklace?

If you like this, try: An earlier version of the story, “A Night to Remember” and documentaries like Titanic: The 100th Anniversary Collection and National Geographic – Secrets of the Titanic

Mirror Mirror

Posted on March 29, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Director Tarsem Singh Dhandwar has found a story worthy of his ravishing visuals and the result is an enchanting update of the classic fairy tale of Snow White.

Julia Roberts is clearly having a blast as the evil queen whose hostile takeover impulse is so strong she tells us from the beginning that we are hearing her version of the story. But we know from the first moment that our heroine will be the “pretentiously named” Snow White. She does commune with a songbird as the movie opens, but this is not the Snow White warbling by the wishing well about waiting for her prince or sleeping until she is rescued with a magical kiss. Sister is doing it for herself — sword fighting, leading a brave, if diminutive, gang of marauders, and doing some rescuing of her own.

Once upon a time there was a happy kingdom filled with music and dance. But after the king remarried, he disappeared, leaving the Queen to impose higher and higher taxes on the burdened populace and lock princess Snow White (Lily Collins of “The Blind Side”) in her room. When she timidly ventures out on her 18th birthday because there is to be a party in the castle, the Queen sneers, “Is there a fire in your bedroom? Because that would be the only reason for you to leave.”

The Queen is broke and desperately need to marry a wealthy royal, and for that she needs to use all of her magical powers to continue to appear young and beautiful. Prince Alcott (“Social Network” Winklevii-portrayer Armie Hammer) looks like the answer, despite his showing up without his clothes, having been robbed in the woods by seven mysterious accordion-legged marauders. But at the costume ball, he sees Snow White in a magnificent swan dress (don’t think Bjork, think faaabulous) and instantly knows that she is the fairest of them all.

But Snow has other issues on her mind, after her first venture outside the castle shows her what a cruel and selfish ruler her stepmother has been. She becomes an outlaw, joining forces with seven men short of stature but big of heart. And the Queen, aided by her sniveling courtier (who better for that role than Nathan Lane) tries to use every bit of magic and old fashioned evil to ensnare the Prince before the magic mirror — with help from a very tight corset, a disgusting beauty ritual, and a love potion — are no longer enough.

As Tarsem and sometimes Tarsem Singh, the director has made ads, music videos (REM’s “Losing My Religion”) and films like “The Fall” and “The Cell,” all filled with richly imagined images of striking beauty. Working with production designer Tom Foden and the late costume designer Eiko Ishioka, he has created a setting that is part Maxfield Parrish, part Richard Avedon, with gorgeous elegance and panache and with insight and meaning. The mirror is wonderfully constructed out of liquid that leads to a room where the Queen consults another version of herself. The costumes are not just splendid; they are witty and character-revealing, with the Queen a peacock and Snow White a swan. Hammer is handsome and unexpectedly funny. And Collins is luminous, genuinely magical as Snow White, sweet and brave, and it is a pleasure to watch her growing understanding of the world and her ability and responsibility to make it better. He keeps the tone irreverent, but never snarky. There are some funny lines (and one unnecessary and un-funny crude joke) and some modern twists, but the heart of the story in every way goes back to the original folk tales, especially a welcome new twist near the end. The Grimm brothers might not recognize some of the details of their classic fairy tale and Disney might be surprised by a princess who does not wait for her prince to come to get things done. But the themes of honor, justice, romance, and the search for a happily ever after ending are every bit as satisfying as the original.

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Wrath of the Titans

Posted on March 29, 2012 at 6:00 pm

C-

Lowest Recommended Age:	Middle School
MPAA Rating:	Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of fantasy violence and action
Profanity:	None
Alcohol/ Drugs:	None
Violence/ Scariness:	Constant peril and violence with some disturbing images
Diversity Issues:	A strength of the movie is the portrayal of a courageous female warrior
Date Released to Theaters:	March 30, 2012
Amazon.com ASIN:	B005LAIH54

What I love best about classically trained British actors is that they are game for anything. Whether it is a commercial for cough drops or a silly comedy they always bring their A-game. Their timing and diction are impeccable and they are masters of tone. To use a favorite actor term, they commit. But when they commit to material so far beneath them the contrast is so great that they just make the failings of the production harder to overlook. Flawless line deliveries only go so far when the dialogue is more suitable for the declamatory stentorian tones of a Saturday morning cartoon version of “The Expendables” than voices more accustomed to iambic pentameter.

The original 1981 “Clash of the Titans” (featuring the most-acclaimed actor of his generation, Sir Laurence Olivier along with “L.A. Law” star Harry Hamlin along with Bond Girl Ursula Andress and the zenith of Ray Harryhausen’s analog special effects) and the 2010 remake with Oscar-winners Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes along with “Avatar’s” Sam Worthington and a lot of CGI have been succeeded by “Wrath of the Titans,” another uneasy mash-up of a sprinkle of distinguished actors, lots of beefcake, mythical monsters, and dialogue so ear-crashingly awful it is a step down from scripted awards-show presenter banter. “Go to hell!” says one character. “That’s exactly where I’m going,” says Perseus (Worthington). He’s on his way to Hades, get it? Since the majority of the box office for the first film was from outside the US, we can guess that perhaps the dubbed script is better.

Having released the Kracken and saved the day in the first episode, Perseus, the half human son of Zeus, is hoping for a quiet life as a fisherman with his young son. When Zeus (Neeson) comes to ask for his help, Perseus declines. But trouble comes his way as the era of the gods is ending, and Zeus is weakened so that his long-dormant father Cronus is poised to re-emerge and bring oblivion to all of humanity. Perseus will have to save the day again, and that means finding (and rescuing) his half-god cousin Agenor (Toby Kebbell channelling Russell Brand, and not in a good way), visiting Hepaestus (much-needed breath of fresh air Bill Nighy), the Olympian version of Q, to pick up some weapons, and facing some Hellenic monsters, including a giant cyclops, a minotaur, and some beast-ish creatures. There’s a lot of sound and fury and 3D spears pointing out from the screen but the storyline is muddled, with no consistency from moment to moment in character or even the basic properties of the Olympian world. The script is downright painful, with bromantic trash talk that would be more appropriate at a 2012 mall than a Bronze Age battlefield. “Shouldn’t you be posing for a statue or something?” “Bring me my lucky cape!” By the time Zeus and Hades (Fiennes) go into battle saying, “Let’s have some fun!” all we can think of is, “As if.”

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