Parental Guidance

Posted on December 24, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Lowest Recommended Age:	Kindergarten - 3rd Grade
MPAA Rating:	Rated PG for some rude humor
Profanity:	Some schoolyard language
Alcohol/ Drugs:	Some alcohol
Violence/ Scariness:	Comic peril and violence
Diversity Issues:	None
Date Released to Theaters:	December 25, 2012

This shtick-y, utterly synthetic sit-com of a movie telegraphs its every joke and then pounds the audience over the head to make sure we get them. Oh, we get them. We just wish we didn’t.

Artie (Billy Crystal) is a minor league baseball announcer who always dreamed of announcing for the Giants. He is fired at the end of the season because he is too old-school. Insert “What’s Twitter?” and “What’s an Angry Bird?” jokes. His wife, Diane (Bette Midler), teaches pole dancing in their living room for no reason except that it must be funny to see middle-aged ladies try to pole dance. Their daughter, Alice (Marisa Tomei) is happily married to Phil (“That Thing You Do'” Tom Everett Scott), newly settled in Atlanta with their three children.

Phil’s new project is a super-duper high-tech home system that welcomes every family member when they come into the house, bids them farewell when they leave and talks to and spies on them in between. When Artie and Diane arrive to babysit while Alice and Phil go to a business conference, we can expect to be treated to the conflict between Artie, whose ability with technology ended with the dial phone (until the script calls for him to pull up a track on an iPod) and the high-tech house. And when Alice explains that their parenting philosophy is to say “remember the consequences” instead of “no” and insist on three “put-ups” to counter any “put-downs,” we can expect that, well, there will be consequences. Everyone tries hard, but the talented cast is utterly wasted in a series of mind-numbingly obvious and heart-numbingly phony set-ups.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9nmIzCAMJQ

The oldest grandchild is Harper (Bailee Madison, giving the film’s best performance), a middle-schooler who is something of a perfectionist. She has a big violin audition coming up, a teacher who thinks anyone who isn’t up to her standards should be shunned, and an increasing sense that she is missing out on some of the fun of the pre-teen years. The youngest is Barker (Kyle Harrison Breitkopf), a high-spirited five-year-old perpetual flight risk who insists on calling his grandfather “Fartie,” which is even less hilarious than you might hope. No good asking him to consider the consequences; there aren’t any.

Then there’s the middle child, Turner (Joshua Rush), a stressed-out, shy kid with a bad stutter. The cynical sloppiness of this film is revealed in Turner’s miraculous transformation into a completely fluent speaker as the result of hearing the famous Russ Hodges “Giants win the pennant” broadcast, disrespectful in the extreme to those who struggle with speech impediments and to those who work with them.

It is filled with poorly staged slapstick and potty humor. Artie gets hit in the crotch and throws up on the face of the kid who hit him. Barker pees onto a half-pipe, causing Tony Hawk(!) to crash. There’s an extended nose-picking sequence. The consequences of these moments — this movie is awful.

Parents should know that this film has extended and graphic potty and other bodily function humor, schoolyard language, comic peril, drinking, unrealistic portrayal of a “cure” for stuttering, and mild sexual references.

Family discussion: What are the biggest differences in the styles of parenting in this movie? Which one do you agree with? What did the three kids learn from their time with their grandparents?

If you like this, try: the “Wimpy Kid” movies

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Jack Reacher

Posted on December 22, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Jack Reacher, the hero of a series of books by Lee Child, is as much an idealized fantasy figure as any adorkable chick-lit single girl rocking her Jimmy Choos and self-deprecating quips until Mr. Perfect puts a ring on it. The testosterone version has the observational and analytic skills of Sherlock Holmes, the “who was that masked man” righting-wrongs-and-leaving-town career path of the Lone Ranger, and the single-minded devotion to righteous indignation firepower of Rambo, and he will never, ever, ever put a ring on anyone.

Reacher is ex-military, and ex-pretty much everything else. He has no strings, no relationships, no commitments — also, no id, no phone, no home, and no baggage, in both the literal and metaphorical sense. When he needs to change clothes, he picks up something at Goodwill and throws away whatever he was wearing before. When he needs a car, he has a very effective way of persuading people to let him drive theirs. Or, he just takes one. And he keeps moving.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kK7y8Ou0VvM

In the books, Reacher is 6’5″ and 250 pounds and blond. But that did not stop Tom Cruise, who is none of those things, from taking the role. He more than makes up for the lack of physical stature with pure movie star charisma, a fair trade.

The movie is based on Child’s One Shot, written and directed by “The Usual Suspects” screenwriter Christopher McQuarrie. It opens with a scene of a sniper shooting random passers-by, and it is especially jarring when we see him aiming at a child. I would say that it might have made sense to delay the release of the film because it is unfortunate to have it open a week after the shooting of children and teachers in Newtown, Connecticut, but it may be that after that horrible tragedy there will never be a good time for a movie that turns carnage into entertainment. Within the world of the movie, a world people willingly enter because they want to see some guilt-free fights, chases, and shoot-outs, it is reasonably effective. But if it is harder to enter that world these days, perhaps that is not a bad thing.

Law enforcement tracks down the sniper, a military vet, and the case seems open and shut. But before he is beaten into a coma by other prisoners, he scrawls “Get Jack Reacher.” Reacher can’t be contacted, but somehow he knows where he is needed, and he shows up. The sniper’s lawyer Helen (Rosamund Pike) believes her client is guilty, but wants to do her best to represent him. It turns out Reacher knew the sniper in Iraq. He has reason to believe the sniper is guilty. And, as Reacher tells us, he is not a hero.

Oh, who is he kidding, of course he is. Surprise! The case is not as open and shut as we thought. There are some dreary detours into Helen’s relationship with her father, who happens to be the DA, and to a hideous torture scene with a bad guy known as “The Zec” (Werner Herzog, better known as a director), and a five-on-one bar fight, and than, thankfully, we meet up with Robert Duvall as a ex-Marine shooting range owner. He is the only one who seems to understand what kind of movie this is, bringing a delicious zest to his scenes that almost make us forget that this is a movie in which a man is asked to bite off his own fingers and everyone seems to speak Russian.

It delivers what it intends to and what fans of the series are looking for. But I’d say it’s too soon, and maybe it’s never going to be the right time for a mindless shoot-em-up again.

Parents should know that this film includes extensive, brutal and graphic violence including a sniper who kills innocent people and executions, many fights, many guns, car chases and smashes, torture, some disturbing images, characters injured and killed, some strong language (one f-word, crude epithets), drinking, and references to drug use and drug dealing.

Family discussion: Why does Jack stay on the move? Did Emerson have a choice?

If you like this, try: the Jack Reacher books by Lee Child

Cirque du Soleil: Worlds Away

Posted on December 20, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Her curiosity overcoming her shyness, a girl with big eyes and a gamine haircut (Erica Linz) walks through the gate for the “Circus Marvelous.” She sees “The Aerialist” (Igor Zaripov), first smiling a welcome as he helps install the tent, then on a flier given to her by a clown, and then high above, performing with breathtaking ease and grace. Suddenly he falls, hitting the sandy ground below, which collapses beneath him like quicksand. The girl goes after him through an enchanted world of fantasy, splendor and feats of artistry, acrobatics, dance, music, and very firm, lithe bodies jumping, swirling, twisting, and bending, all in very tight costumes. Plus there is an adorable tricycle powered only by a pair of small yellow galoshes, and a man on fire reading a newspaper. He is not at all flustered when the flames creep up his body and onto his hat. The fire is almost a dance partner.

Cirque du Soleil is an international phenomenon with shows on every continent but Antarctica. Its founding principle is the immediacy and drama of live performance, the exact opposite of a movie. Anything that can be imagined can be put on film; its very appearance of truth makes us marvel at the technology for fooling us so effectively. We value Cirque for its old-school reality. When we sit in the tent, we see performances in real time, with real peril, never to be seen exactly the same way again. Producer James Cameron (“Avatar”) and director Andrew Adamson (“Shrek”) understand that they cannot replicate that experience and instead give us the chance to marvel by taking us up close and inside the action with immersive 3D. The seamlessness and grace of the acrobatics adds to the dreamy quality. In real life, we expect a sense of exertion and anxiety to underscore the sense of risk. In the movie, the balletic movement adds to the fantasy that we are in a frictionless world unlimited by the laws of physics.

The girl and the aerialist wander, fall, fly, and are chased through dreamlike — and occasionally nightmarish — scenes from seven of Cirque du Soleil’s Las Vegas shows: O, KÀ, Mystère, Viva ELVIS, CHRIS ANGEL Believe, Zumanity, and in one of the film’s highlights, the Beatles tribute show, LOVE. An almost mythic inclusion of the four classical elements: fire, water, earth, and air, provide the settings for movement that flows seamlessly between dance, athletics, and stunts that do more than defy the laws of gravity; they transcend them. In one stunning sequence, an enormous board studded with pins is tilted, distorting our perspective so that the performers swing as though they are weightless.

The costumes and make-up are dazzling, witty, and wildly inventive. In one scene, a pair of girls are connected by a single Dr. Seuess-style hairdo. In another, humans shaped like crustaceans skitter across the stage. Many of the trippy visuals are accompanied by the kind of music they play in spas to relax people getting facials, but things pick up with an Elvis song and a medley of Beatles classics, including “Octopus’ Garden,” “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds,” “For the Benefit of Mr. Kite,” that unmistakeable first chord from “Hard Day’s Night,” and a resounding “All You Need is Love.”

Zaripov has a striking purity when he performs. It is beyond ease; it is serenity. There is no sign of stress or exertion, even when he seems to be holding himself parallel to the ground with just one hand on a rope. He juggles a giant cube as though he is balancing a prima ballerina. And when Linz finally catches up, their exquisite aerial ballet is one of the most eloquently romantic moments on screen this year.

Parents should know that there are some mildly scary moments including a snake and a kidnapping.

Family discussion: How is Cirque du Soleil different from traditional circuses? Which of the settings was your favorite and why?

If you like this, try: See Cirque du Soleil in person or watch the dance videos by LXD online

This is 40

Posted on December 20, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Writer-director Judd Apatow has made the mistake of believing that the audience will find his wife and children and mid-life crisis as relatable and endearing as he does. And there is nothing more fatal to a movie than a gross miscalculation about the appeal of its characters. It’s fine to make a movie about unpleasant people as long as the movie knows they are unpleasant. But this movie asks us to care about the concerns of people who care very little for anything but the most superficial and selfish problems, with no sense at all of how shallow and unappealing they are.

Apatow’s mega-successful “Knocked Up” was the story of a successful professional woman who became pregnant after a one-night stand with a man who was neither successful nor professional. The pregnant woman’s sister Debbie (Apatow’s real-life spouse Leslie Mann) and her husband Pete (Paul Rudd) provided a comedic counterpoint, coping with marital stress, including two children, played by Apatow and Mann’s real-life children. In one scene, Debbie and her sister are not permitted into a club because Debbie is too old and her sister is pregnant. Debbie is devastated by the loss of this important validation. Debbie is shrill and demanding, constantly blaming her husband. In one big plot twist, it turns out that the secret he had been hiding from her was not an affair but a fantasy sports group he liked to escape to.

“This is 40” continues the story of Pete and Debbie. She is still shrill and demanding, still constantly blaming her husband, and still pretty much on board with the idea that her self-worth depends on being attractive to strangers in hot clubs. In the opening scene, the week of both Pete’s and Debbie’s 40th birthdays, they are having very enthusiastic sex in the shower when he reveals that his performance has been enhanced with medication. Instead of expressing concern or sympathy or support, she interprets this as evidence that she is no longer as attractive as she was when she was younger. She whines to her personal trainer (Apatow regular Jason Segal) that she is failing to arouse men and he consoles her by saying that she arouses him.

Debbie insists that she and Pete embark on a course of self-improvement that involves graphic depictions of a mammogram and a colonoscopy, and a lot of resolutions about eating better and unplugging the kids from the internet. It does not, however, involve any expressions of generosity, humility, compassion, responsibility, or maturity. Pete and Debbie are aggrieved by the remoteness (her) and dependence (his) of their fathers, but they are not doing much better as parents. I have a sinking feeling that there will a a future sequel for the girls to work out their issues with their parents.

The movie is overlong and saggy, swooping almost randomly from set-piece scene to set-piece scene, and yet it is all supposed to take place in about one week. This continually undercuts any sense of forward momentum and Apatow stuffs his films with so many of his friends that we keep having to be reminded of who all the characters are. And then when we are reminded, we are disappointed all over again. Segal, Chris O’Dowd (“Bridesmaids”), Lena Dunham (“Girls”), Charlene Yi and Melissa McCarthy (“Bridesmaids”) are all trotted out for short bits and some are quite funny (be sure to stay for McCarthy’s outtakes during the credits). And Megan Fox is a standout as an impossibly hot and possibly larcenous employee in Debbie’s boutique. This is Fox’s second top-notch performance this year, following “Friends With Kids” — take that, Michael Bay. There is even an occasional flash of understanding of the challenges of marriage and getting older, as when Pete and Debbie try (but not very hard) to use obviously therapy-inspired tactics for expressing their complaints and disappointments.

But that is not enough to make up for the inert plotline and unappealing characters. For a guy who seems to think about nothing more than the travails of self-absorbed people suffering from arrested development, Apatow has failed to learn that the issue is not growing old — it is growing up.

Parents should know that this film includes extremely graphic and explicit sexual references and situations including fertility issues and an “escort,” constant very strong language, drinking, marijuana, some mild violence (no one badly hurt), family stress, and stealing.

Family discussion: What do we learn about Pete and Debbie from their relationships with their fathers? Why was staying young so important to Debbie?

If you like this, try: “Knocked Up” (featuring the same characters) and “The 40 Year Old Virgin”

My Favorite Versions of “A Christmas Carol”

Posted on December 19, 2012 at 8:00 am

My favorite Christmas story is “A Christmas Carol” by Charles Dickens and I enjoy as many versions as possible every year. I love it in just about any of its movie incarnations. “Bah, humbugs” have been muttered by Scrooges played by top-notch dramatic actors like George C. Scott and Albert Finney, former Miss America Vanessa Williams, former Fonzie Henry Winkler, former Ace Ventura Jim Carrey, and former “Saturday Night Live” star Bill Murray. I love them all. I’ve already listened to the Tim Curry and Jim Dale audio versions available on Audible.com, both delightful. And I have the book, of course, with wonderful illustrations by Ronald Searle.

Here are my very favorite versions on film and I try to watch each of them every year.

5. “Mickey’s Christmas Carol” Who better to play Scrooge than his namesake Scrooge McDuck? And who better for the part of the unquenchable Bob Cratchit than Mickey Mouse? This compilation DVD includes other Christmas goodies “The Small One” and “Pluto’s Christmas Tree.”

4. “The Muppet Christmas Carol” has the distinguished actor Michael Caine as Scrooge and the equally distinguished Kermit the Frog as Bob Cratchit. Special mention of A Sesame Street Christmas Carol as well.

3. “Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol” The voice talent is outstanding, with Broadway star Jack Cassidy (father of teen idols David and Shaun) as Bob Cratchit and of course Jim Backus as Mr. Magoo, in this version an actor playing the part of Scrooge. The tuneful songs were written by Bob Merrill and Jule Styne, who later went on to write “Funny Girl.” (The legend is that their song “People” was originally written for this movie.)

2. “A Christmas Carol” This MGM classic features the top stars of the 1930’s. Watch for future “Lassie” star June Lockhart as one of the Cratchit children — her real-life father Gene Lockhart played Bob. (He also appears in another Christmas classic, as the judge inMiracle on 34th Street.) Reginald Owen plays Scrooge and this one has my favorite Fred, Barry MacKay. I love Dickens’ description of Fred’s laugh: “If you should happen, by any unlikely chance, to know a man more blest in a laugh than Scrooge’s nephew, all I can say is, I should like to know him too. Introduce him to me, and I’ll cultivate his acquaintance.”

1. “A Christmas Carol” This is the all-time best, with the inimitable Alistair Sim as Scrooge. There has never been a more embittered miser or a more jubilent Christmas morning rebirth. When he orders that turkey for the Cratchits and walks into his nephew’s celebration at the end, everything Dickens hoped for from his story is brought to life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWdJ1EXf5zo