The Three Stooges

Posted on April 12, 2012 at 6:00 pm

I believe it was the great philosopher Curly Joe who first said that you cannot step in the same stream twice. And perhaps it was Shemp who said that you can’t go home again. Okay, that was the great ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus and the early 20th century American author Thomas Wolfe, but even the least-loved late-era members of the of the literally knuckle-headed 1930’s-1950’s comedy trio The Three Stooges would know that whatever appeal they had could never be re-created. Big time fans the Farrelly brothers came closer to the spirit of their slapstick idols with films like “There’s Something About Mary,” “Shallow Hal,” and “Stuck on You” than in this dead mackerel of an attempt to recreate a Moe, Larry, and Curly for the 21st century. Stars Chris Diamantopoulos (Moe), Sean Hayes (Larry), and Chris Sasso (Curly) have clearly studied the moves of the head-bonking, eye-poking Stooges, but they have no chemistry, poor pacing, an unsteady sense of the Stooges’ appeal, and 80 years of history separating us from the Stooges’ setting.

The original Stooges, Moe and “Curly” Howard and Larry Fine, had years of knockabout experience in vaudeville to perfect their interactions and develop an understanding of their audience. They are funny in the context of their time in their constant efforts to join the middle class and their constant creation of chaos wherever they go. But in this film, they lazily borrow the premise of “The Blues Brothers” (they have to raise money to keep the orphanage that has been their home since they were abandoned there as infants decades ago) and become entangled in a murder plot and “Jersey Shore.” Is this funny? Soitenly not.

The expected slapstick happens, but it is pretty joyless and some of the material crosses a line the Stooges would never have considered. Larry David plays a nun named Sister Mary Mengele, surely a rather arcane reference within the context of this movie and meaner and more provocative than anything in the world of the original Three Stooges. I perked up when I saw them enter a hospital, hoping for a “Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine” reference, but instead there was an extended scene with Moe and Curly, dressed as nurses, aiming naked baby boys at each other to get faces full of pee. “You must be French,” Curly says to one. “That’s a lot of oui-oui.” A child becomes critically ill and it is supposed to be funny when for a moment it appears that she has died. Adoptive families and their friends will be disturbed by a scene where kids are lined up at the orphanage in front of prospective parents and are told “no wonder your parents didn’t want you.” And whose idea was it that the Stooges should become involved in a murder for hire plot as a gorgeous wife (Sofia Vergara) plots to kill her wealthy husband? Or to have Moe go on “Jersey Shore?” Or a Bob Dylan song? Or a close-up of a lion’s testicles? Or, when a character shoots a gun, the line, “I thought you were a Democrat!” Why, I oughta……

This movie is proof positive that the Stooges were three of a kind (okay, five if you count Shemp and Curly Joe — we will not speak of Joe Besser), and, definitively inimitable.

Parents should know that this film includes constant comic violence including head-slamming and eye-poking (directors come on screen at the end to warn children not to attempt the stunts at home), some crude humor including language and graphic, gross-out potty jokes, murder for hire, scary lion,and insensitive and deliberately offensive material about nuns and adoption

Family discussion: How does this version hold up to the The Three Stooges movies of the 1930’s-50’s? What are the biggest differences?

If you like this, try: the original The Three Stooges short films and visit the Stooges Museum, the Stoogeum

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Comedy Remake

Mirror Mirror

Posted on March 29, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Director Tarsem Singh Dhandwar has found a story worthy of his ravishing visuals and the result is an enchanting update of the classic fairy tale of Snow White.

Julia Roberts is clearly having a blast as the evil queen whose hostile takeover impulse is so strong she tells us from the beginning that we are hearing her version of the story. But we know from the first moment that our heroine will be the “pretentiously named” Snow White. She does commune with a songbird as the movie opens, but this is not the Snow White warbling by the wishing well about waiting for her prince or sleeping until she is rescued with a magical kiss. Sister is doing it for herself — sword fighting, leading a brave, if diminutive, gang of marauders, and doing some rescuing of her own.

Once upon a time there was a happy kingdom filled with music and dance. But after the king remarried, he disappeared, leaving the Queen to impose higher and higher taxes on the burdened populace and lock princess Snow White (Lily Collins of “The Blind Side”) in her room. When she timidly ventures out on her 18th birthday because there is to be a party in the castle, the Queen sneers, “Is there a fire in your bedroom? Because that would be the only reason for you to leave.”

The Queen is broke and desperately need to marry a wealthy royal, and for that she needs to use all of her magical powers to continue to appear young and beautiful. Prince Alcott (“Social Network” Winklevii-portrayer Armie Hammer) looks like the answer, despite his showing up without his clothes, having been robbed in the woods by seven mysterious accordion-legged marauders. But at the costume ball, he sees Snow White in a magnificent swan dress (don’t think Bjork, think faaabulous) and instantly knows that she is the fairest of them all.

But Snow has other issues on her mind, after her first venture outside the castle shows her what a cruel and selfish ruler her stepmother has been. She becomes an outlaw, joining forces with seven men short of stature but big of heart. And the Queen, aided by her sniveling courtier (who better for that role than Nathan Lane) tries to use every bit of magic and old fashioned evil to ensnare the Prince before the magic mirror — with help from a very tight corset, a disgusting beauty ritual, and a love potion — are no longer enough.

As Tarsem and sometimes Tarsem Singh, the director has made ads, music videos (REM’s “Losing My Religion”) and films like “The Fall” and “The Cell,” all filled with richly imagined images of striking beauty. Working with production designer Tom Foden and the late costume designer Eiko Ishioka, he has created a setting that is part Maxfield Parrish, part Richard Avedon, with gorgeous elegance and panache and with insight and meaning. The mirror is wonderfully constructed out of liquid that leads to a room where the Queen consults another version of herself. The costumes are not just splendid; they are witty and character-revealing, with the Queen a peacock and Snow White a swan. Hammer is handsome and unexpectedly funny. And Collins is luminous, genuinely magical as Snow White, sweet and brave, and it is a pleasure to watch her growing understanding of the world and her ability and responsibility to make it better. He keeps the tone irreverent, but never snarky. There are some funny lines (and one unnecessary and un-funny crude joke) and some modern twists, but the heart of the story in every way goes back to the original folk tales, especially a welcome new twist near the end. The Grimm brothers might not recognize some of the details of their classic fairy tale and Disney might be surprised by a princess who does not wait for her prince to come to get things done. But the themes of honor, justice, romance, and the search for a happily ever after ending are every bit as satisfying as the original.

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A New “Flintstones” from “Family Guy’s” Seth McFarlane?

Posted on March 12, 2012 at 3:48 pm

At the SXSW festival, “Family Guy” creator Seth McFarlane told the crowd he is working on a television reboot of “The Flintstones,” a beloved 1960’s cartoon series that led to a couple of not-beloved feature films. McFarlane told the audience that the very first thing he ever drew as a child was a picture of the Flintstones and it feels good to be coming full circle. He promised it would be updated but not as edgy as “The Family Guy.”

There’s really not a lot about that show — other than the references to 1960s America, which really come through in the writing more than the visual — that needs to be changed visually and stylistically. They invented the template that we’re using in animation. We kinda want to keep it, more or less, the same.

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Animation Remake Television

Contraband

Posted on January 12, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Oh, not another one last job movie! This remake of an Icelandic thriller, directed by the actor who played the lead role in the original, is a by-the-numbers heist, chase, and shoot-em-up. It’s too gritty to be escapist fun and too predictable to work as a thriller.

Mark Wahlberg plays Chris, a one-time smuggler turned legitimate family man with a loving wife Kate (Kate Beckinsale) and two sons. He is committed to staying on the right side of the law. But Kate’s young brother gets into trouble with the local drug dealer (Giovanni Ribisi as an oily predator named Briggs) the same way Han Solo got into trouble with Jabba the Hutt, dumping the payload to avoid capture, and Briggs says he will come after the whole family if he doesn’t get paid. So, Chris has to get the band back together for one more run. He gets approved by the Department of Homeland Security to work on a ship going to Panama and arranges for trusted associates to be assigned to the crew. He leaves his closest friend Sebastian (Ben Foster), a recovering alcoholic, to watch over Kate and the boys and takes off for many locations where bad cell reception will add to the tension and frustration.

We’re supposed to be on his side because he keeps saying he won’t smuggle drugs and he loves his highly photogenic family and because the bad guys are so thoroughly loathsome. And because he such a good smuggler. But that can’t make up for the increasingly sour taste of the story as Chris and his gang get caught up in some ugly situations, including a detour to meet up with yet another strung-out drug dealer who wants everyone to call him El Jefe, keeps deadly animals in cages, and yes, needs Chris to ride along for just one more last job. There is one good exchange when the drug dealer says he fed a colleague who disappointed him to the wolves and Wahlberg responds, “Literally?” And there are scenes that are either commentary on the conundrum of abstract expressionism in a realist world or an ironic statement on valuation models, or perhaps a pearls/swine reference, but most likely just a cheap joke about real guys who know how to fight being smarter than people who pay millions of dollars for paintings no one can understand. Chris may love and defend his family and even try to protect Briggs’ little girl but his callousness to the carnage and other damage around him and inflicted by him makes it hard to stay on his side.

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Action/Adventure Crime Remake

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

Posted on December 20, 2011 at 11:21 am

The late Swedish author Steig Larsson created a series of books originally titled “Men Who Hate Women” with a character who was an idealized version of himself — an investigative journalist of impeccable integrity and political correctness who effortlessly appeals to women. But it was the other lead character in the books who inspired the final titles of the trilogy and who became an international sensation, the dragon-tattooed bisexual computer wizard Lisbeth Salanger, a ward of the state for her violent behavior and anti-social demeanor, with no respect for conventional rules but with a passionate commitment to justice. “She’s different,” says her employer. “In what way?” “In every way.”

The three books inspired three excellent Swedish films with Noomi Rapace as Lisbeth, and now David Fincher (“Se7en,” “Zodiac,” “The Social Network”) has taken the helm of a big-budget American remake, with Daniel Craig as journalist Mikael Blomkvist and Rooney Mara (briefly glimpsed in “The Social Network” as the girl who breaks up with Mark Zuckerberg in the first scene) as Lisbeth.

Fincher’s version is very true to the book, sharing its strengths and its weaknesses. Mara’s version is slightly softer than Rapace’s, she still delivers the character’s most intriguing qualities, the combination of blatant punk style with a resolutely inaccessible core, her combination of vulnerability and resilience, her determination, and, above all, her ability to triumph over the most horrifying violations. As the original title suggests, the weakness of the story is Larsson’s clunky insistence on including every possible form of atrocity, and those who are familiar with the plot may find that there are not enough surprises left. A superb soundtrack by Atticus Ross and Trent Reznor (who also did “The Social Network”) is interrupted by a jarring version of Led Zeppelin’s “Immigrant Song.”

It begins with a scene that could have come from Raymond Chandler. Mikael, discredited following a libel suit by a powerful businessman, is invited to meet with an even more powerful figure, Henrik Vanger (Christopher Plummer), the head of one of Sweden’s wealthiest families. In his huge home in a island that serves as a family compound, Henrik explains that he is haunted by the disappearance of his young granddaughter Harriet forty years before. Each year, on his birthday, Vanger received a pressed flower, a symbol of his relationship with Harriet that he believes comes from her killer and is intended to taunt him. The police and private detectives have tried to find out what happened to Harriet but the mystery is still unsolved. No body has been found and there seems to have been no way for her to leave the island. Mikael agrees to see if he can find out what happened. “You will be investigating thieves, misers, and bullies,” Henrik tells him, “the most detestable collection of people you will ever meet — my family.”

What Mikael does not know is that he has already been investigated by Henrik, whose aide hired a firm to do a background check. The research was done by Lisbeth Salanger, who hacked into Mikael’s email and has done a very thorough, if not strictly legal, analysis. The only person Lisbeth trusts, her state-appointed guardian, has a stroke and his replacement is an abusive monster who insists on sexual favors before allowing her to have access to her money. After some horrifying encounters, Lisbeth extracts some revenge. Meanwhile, Mikael makes some progress but realizes he needs help. The aide suggests Lisbeth, and so our two protagonists meet.

Steven Zallian (“Schindler’s List,” co-screenwriter of “Moneyball”) adapted the book well, discarding some distracting subplots. The soundtrack and production designer Donald Graham Burt superbly convey the frozen remoteness of the setting. Mikael is not easy to portray because he spends a lot of time watching and listening but Craig makes Mikael thoughtful and lets us see that he recognizes his failures. Mara’s voice is a little too sweet for Lisbeth but her efficient, straightforward physicality and her watchful but implacable expression are just right for the character who is about to kick the hornet’s nest.

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