Does Facebook Make Us Colder and More Impatient?

Posted on March 17, 2009 at 2:00 pm

Social network sites risk infantilizing the mid-21st century mind, leaving it characterized by short attention spans, sensationalism, inability to empathize and a shaky sense of identity, according to a leading neuroscientist.
The UK paper The Guardian reports that Lady Greenfield, professor of synaptic pharmacology at Lincoln college, Oxford, has found that teen laptop.jpg
children’s experiences on social networking sites “are devoid of cohesive narrative and long-term significance. As a consequence, the mid-21st century mind might almost be infantilized, characterised by short attention spans, sensationalism, inability to empathize and a shaky sense of identity”.

Social networking sites can provide a “constant reassurance – that you are listened to, recognized, and important”. Greenfield continued. This was coupled with a distancing from the stress of face-to-face, real-life conversation, which were “far more perilous … occur in real time, with no opportunity to think up clever or witty responses” and “require a sensitivity to voice tone, body language and perhaps even to pheromones, those sneaky molecules that we release and which others smell subconsciously”.
She said she feared “real conversation in real time may eventually give way to these sanitized and easier screen dialogues, in much the same way as killing, skinning and butchering an animal to eat has been replaced by the convenience of packages of meat on the supermarket shelf. Perhaps future generations will recoil with similar horror at the messiness, unpredictability and immediate personal involvement of a three-dimensional, real-time interaction.”
This seems a bit of an over-reaction to me. Young people will make a lot of mistakes on Facebook and other social networks as they do in other aspects of their relationships. This time of life always has been and always will be a stage characterized by intense feelings and difficult lessons. Social networking has its disadvantages — the ability to hide behind partial or full anonymity, the capacity for almost-instant escalation and distribution, the invasions of privacy. But it also has its advantages as a form of training wheels for the difficult relationship navigational connections. Adam Gopnick writes in a touching essay included in Through the Children’s Gate about how his 11-year-old could not answer the question “How was school today?” in person but was happy to communicate with him via instant messaging. They would even IM each other while sitting together watching a game on TV. Gopnick, initially thrilled by this mode of communications, ran into his own failure of understanding, but it all ended sweetly, with love and laughter.
In the New York Times, Peggy Orenstein reports Growing Up With Facebook about the way the past is not prologue but present on Facebook. Orenstein, like Slate’s Brian Braiker, was disconcerted to find herself tagged in pictures from her past that went from being tucked away in shoe boxes to being available to everyone. She wonders about the effect this will have on young people who no longer will have the freedom to cast off old roles and relationships when they go away to college.

There’s some evidence that college students have mixed feelings about being guinea pigs for the faux-friendship age. One student interviewed for a study of why and how college students use Facebook, which was published last year in The Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, admitted that being privy to the personal details of “friends” who she had not seen in years made her uncomfortable. “Someone from earlier in her life had broken up with a boyfriend,” an author of the article, Sandra L. Calvert, a professor and chairwoman of the psychology department at Georgetown University, told me. “She felt she knew all these intimate details about this person, yet they hadn’t actually been in touch for five years.” On the other hand, a study published in 2007 in The Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication suggested that hanging onto old friends via Facebook may alleviate feelings of isolation for students whose transition to campus life had proved rocky.

It could be that my generation was the anomalous one, that Facebook marks a return to the time when people remained embedded in their communities for life, with connections that ran deep, peers who reined them in if they strayed too far from the norm, parents who expected them to live at home until marriage (adult children are already reclaiming their childhood rooms in droves). More likely, though, the very thing that attracts us oldsters to Facebook — the lure of auld lang syne — will be its undoing. Kids, who will inevitably want to drive a stake into the heart of former lives, may simply abandon the service (remember Friendster?) and find something new: something still unformed, yet to be invented — much like themselves.

Or, perhaps they will evolve with Facebook and it will evolve with them. Instead of swapping pictures of friends behaving badly at keggers, perhaps they will post baby pictures and cupcake recipes. It is likely that some future Facebook group will be a place for the parents of young children in 2025 to talk about how to cope with whatever impact the latest technological innovation is having on their school-age children.
In the meantime, parents need to remind their children that middle school and high school friendships are tough enough without broadcasting their most humiliating aspects to the world. Parents should, of course, talk to kids about being respectful and responsible in relationships online and in RL (real life) and most of all make sure that they demonstrate the behavior they want to encourage. The more parents do to show kids that the greatest satisfaction comes from in-person communication in a context of trust and kindness, the more likely that social networking will be an adjunct to and not a replacement for the real thing.

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Teens Learn About Less in Chicago

Posted on March 9, 2009 at 8:00 am

The Chicago Tribune reports on a class that teaches teenagers “voluntary simplicity,” giving up one something significant each month and thinking, talking, and writing about what it feels like. Begun last fall as a project to inspire mindfulness in the spirit of Henry David Thoreau, the program now seems even more meaningful in light of the economic troubles. Students are evaluating what it is they really “need” and gaining a deeper understanding of the impact they have on the world and the impact the world has on them.

The Mundelein teens’ project began in November, when they gave up sugar and eating at chain restaurants. A television blackout followed in December, and January’s challenge was to forgo using sheets of new paper. They pledged in February to avoid buying anything that might end up in a landfill. The next challenges are the boldest yet: a March without cell phones and an April without the Internet.

I especially liked the comments of the expert quoted in the article, Madeline Levine, author of The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids
The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids. She said that going without can be good for teens.

Packing lunches, skipping the trendiest jeans or canceling cell phone service gives children a new role as a family contributor and a vital lesson in self-discipline, she said. In the process, young people reared in times of economic abundance may rethink their expectations.
“For many kids, this is an opportunity. I think that most of them are rising to the challenge,” she said.

The economic upheaval provides an excellent opportunity to talk to kids of all ages about the role they can play in helping the family. It does not have to be scary. Indeed, it cam be very empowering to teach them that the feeling of confidence and satisfaction they get from doing without and making a contribution is far greater than the momentary pleasure of being given something that can be lost, broken, or outgrown.

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Teen ‘Idols’ — How to Talk to Jonas Brothers Fans

Posted on March 3, 2009 at 8:00 am

Do you have a Jonas Brothers fan in your family? Or maybe a fanatic?
Some parents have found their children’s devotion to the latest pop stars a little disconcerting. One father suggested that his daughter’s enthusiasm might merit a discussion of idolatry.
There’s a reason that they are called “idols.” Going back to Frank Sinatra and the bobby soxers before that to fan favorites like Oscar Wilde (whose fans were parodied by Gilbert and Sullivan in “Patience”), the individuals holding the position have been highly transitory but the idea of the teen idol has been enduring.
Certain themes are consistent. They may be a little edgy — sometimes a mildly transgressive element of their appearance like the Beatles’ long hair or a pierced Backstreet Boy. But overall, they tend to be reassuringly safe, slender, non-threatening, often almost pre-pubescent. Names like “Bobby,” “Ricky,” “Donny” suggest that they are almost children. Groups like the Jonas Brothers, ‘N Synch, and New Kids on the Block are popular because they give fans a chance to join in affection for the group but keep a sense of individual connection to “the cute one” or “the smart one” or “the funny one.” JonasBrothers1028x768TigerBeat.jpg
It is very important for parents to recognize that these idols are a “transition object” for tweens and young teens that is an essential step in their emotional development. In between the time when their primary focus is the home and family and the time when they will leave to begin their lives as adults, teen idols give them a chance for a dress rehearsal of some of the emotions they will feel. That does not mean that these feelings are not love or that they are not completely real. It does mean that there is an element of fantasy. Think of it as love with training wheels.
No matter how obsessively they may study the lives of these young men, they do not really know them. What they know is the carefully manufactured creation of corporate marketers. But that is just right for this stage of development because it enables them to project their own feelings onto them. It is exactly this fantasy that helps kids begin the journey to emotional maturity, the same way that playing dress-up was a way for them to begin to make sense of the adult world just a short time ago. Indeed, the love of teen idols is a form of dress-up, experimenting with some of the feelings of adulthood without the messiness of actual relationships.
Just as important, these feelings provide a bond with friends at this crucial moment when those connections are just assuming a much more significant role. Fanship gives tweens something to talk about, a private language, training wheels for what will become in their adult years the ability to talk to each other about the things that matter in a way that will strengthen their trust and respect.
Parents should respect these feelings and use them as a starting point for some important conversations. Ask them which brother they like best and why. This may be a chance to share some of your own experiences (you know that Bay City Rollers poster is still tucked away somewhere) but the focus of the conversation should be on the fan. They should reassure the child that these feelings of love are very real and an essential step toward building their ability for love and appreciation of family, romance, and even the divine.

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Behind the Scenes with HSM3!

Posted on February 17, 2009 at 12:00 pm

Disney reveals the bloopers and accidents behind the scenes at “High School Musical 3: Senior Year.” It’s fun to see how the young stars bounce back from their mistakes with such good spirits and good humor.
Get ready to giggle as the stars of High School Musical 3 reveal their biggest bloopers and on-set slip ups. Which cutie gave her co-star a black eye? Who sweated through three prom dresses? And which HSM fella fell over the most on camera? The shameful secrets are all here… Oops!
FOOT FIASCO!
Zac Efron: I don’t know how it happened, but my foot slipped through a theatre seat during a scene and I couldn’t get it out! It was so funny because they had to take the seat apart to rescue my foot. The cameras had to stop rolling and people were brought on set to unscrew the bottom of the chair. I was mortified!
FALL OUT BOY!
Corbin Bleu: Whenever you’re dancing with an ensemble, something is always going to go wrong. Tons of the cast would fall over or trip over each other’s feet – but it was me who fell over the most. The camera would always catch me, which was really embarrassing. Look out for the falls on the DVD’s blooper reel!0031_HSC-56533.JPG
TUTU MUCH!
Olesya Rulin: During the prom number, I was wearing a ballet tutu – but I didn’t have the right boy shorts underneath for the first take. When I twirled, my tutu went up and it looked like I wasn’t wearing any underwear because the shorts underneath were flesh-coloured! I was so embarrassed…
HIGH-HEEL HORROR!
Jemma McKenzie-Brown: I feel down the stairs on stage loads of times during my dance scene because they were so slippery! I had these high heels on, but luckily there were 10 boys below to catch me. I guess it wasn’t too bad being caught by 10 lovely boys – but I still went bright red with embarrassment!
SWEATY BETTY!
Monique Coleman: I had to have three copies of my High School Musical 3 prom dress because I sweated a lot on set – and it would show through three layers of clothes! I’d have to run to the room next door to change, which was pretty embarrassing. But by the end of the first day, everyone knew I was really sweaty, so I didn’t bother running next door. I would just stand in the corner of the room with a blow dryer drying out the dress!
BLACK-EYE BUDDY!
Vanessa Hudgens: I’m so clumsy. It’s terrible! I managed to hit Ashley several times by accident on set – and I felt awful about it. At one point, I hit her in the eye and she had to put ice on it. Another time, I whacked her in the face with my elbow. I was always bashing her – but it was completely by accident. Oops!
WATER WOE!
Matt Prokop: There was a hilarious wipeout during the scene where I run around wearing just a towel! The crew sprayed water on Justin and me to make us look wet, but I guess they forgot to wipe it off the floor because Corbin went flying. We came running around the corner in our towels to find Zac crying with laughter – and the camera got all of it! It was hysterical.
MODEL MOVES!
Zac Efron: We had a lot of fun with a mannequin’s hand on set. I think it fell off a prop, so I picked it up and made full use of it. I’d put it in my sleeve and place the fake hand in my pocket – but then had my real hand would be hidden underneath the front of my shirt. When people least expected it, I would punch out my real hand – and they would think there was an alien popping out of my chest! It was hilarious. People were screaming out loud in terror!
DANCE DISASTER!
Monique Coleman: On the very first day of filming, Kenny Ortega insisted that the floor was sparkling clean. The crew diligently polished away for hours, but they cleaned it so well that it became a slippery nightmare. During the first dance scene, everyone went flying! It was like we were dancing on water as we slipped and slopped all over the room. We were cracking up all over the place!
HELICOPTER HIGH JINKS!
Vanessa Hudgens: One of the funniest bloopers happened during Can I Have This Dance. A helicopter kept flying overhead and when that happens, you lose the sound so you can’t continue a scene. The helicopter wouldn’t go away, so in the end Zac just looked at me and said, “That’s actually my helicopter… Do you want to go for a ride?” We both ran to the edge of the building and pretended to jump off the balcony, but we were only joking. It was like Mission Impossible and we couldn’t stop laughing at the crew who thought we were being serious!
OOH, THE SHAME!
Olesya Rulin: I embarrassed myself constantly on the set of High School Musical. I’m so awkward! I was always tripping over on set – and I would also somehow trip into my trailer. I’d always be hoping that no-one would be around to watch me fall – but there would usually be one or two people or loads of cameras catching me goof up!
ZAC ATTACK!
Jemma McKenzie-Brown: Zac was a huge practical joker on the set of HSM3. He loved to throw water bombs on people, which was really funny. He never got me, but Vanessa tried to at one point. She ran into my trailer with a water bomb, but she fell over and it went all over her!
SURPRISE GIVEAWAY! The first five people to send me an email at moviemom@moviemom.com with HSM3 in the subject line will get a copy of the new DVD! When you write, let me know why you love HSM!

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