Posted on May 23, 2009 at 3:58 pm
PBS has an excellent online resource for parents about the way that media shapes children’s views of the world, with separate sections for preschoolers, grade schoolers, pre-teens and teens, with tips for each age to help children understand media and think about it more critically. It even has a parent guide to texting acronyms like G2G (got to go). Kids are not the only ones who can use some help with media!
Posted on May 21, 2009 at 8:00 am
Cinematical reports that Toys R Us is selling a Terminator costume for little kids who, of course, are too young to see the movie, which is rated PG-13 and is just a millimeter away from an R. I understand that costumes are supposed to be scary and that children benefit from the opportunity to access the power of the images they find disturbing. But like the fast food toys for movies that children are too young to see, I think it is inappropriate to use products directed at younger children to promote a movie that is made for an older audience. Those who would like to send feedback to Toys R Us about this item can do so here.
Posted on May 20, 2009 at 3:58 pm
Tom Sturges is the author of Parking Lot Rules & 75 Other Ideas for Raising Amazing Children
Sturges has a day job as executive vice president and head of creative affairs for Universal Music Publishing Group, the world’s largest music publisher, and he says it is a “fascinating and interesting job surrounded by remarkable people.” He is also the son of one of the most brilliant writer-directors in film history, Preston Sturges (of “The Lady Eve,” “The Miracle of Morgan’s Creek,” “Palm Beach Story,” “The Great McGinty,” and “Sullivan’s Travels”). But his father died when he was only two, so Sturges had to become the father he wished he had had. I had a wonderful time talking with him about raising children and the lessons he has learned and shares in this book.
When your first son was born, how did you think about the father you wanted to be and the impact it would have on you?
Being a good dad became almost a religion to me. I wanted to be the greatest dad ever, and the only people who could say whether or not I was successful would be my own sons. Along the way I discovered that there were many mistakes I was making or that I saw other parents making and I began to write them down, and that became the book.
My father died very early. He was 58 when I was born and 60 when he died. If I could make sure my children never experienced what I experienced it helped me recover the goodness of my own childhood, it heals you. When my child was the age I was when my father died, I had the date circled in red in the calendar because it was a milestone, passing that day was something I did for him and he did for me. Anything that was painful for you as a child, let’s say there was a day you got chased off the schoolyard or kicked off the cheerleading squad, you can recover that day with your child. You can heal yourself by breaking the chain.
What commitments do you make to your sons?
Children take the mortgage for granted, they take the material things for granted; the important thing is to build a relationship of trust with them. They learn to trust because they realize that you do what you say you will do. So I make Life Promises, and keep them. No hitting, no raised voices, no embarrassing them. This last one is the rule that gets used more than any other.
My son Sam is very sensitive to what the world thinks. After we’ve been playing basketball, when I pull off my t-shirt to change, he says, “Dad! Dad! You’re breaking the No Embarrassing rule!” He gets to say that, and I earn his trust by respecting that he gets to say it. When I do, it is another pebble of trust, and I hope all those little pebbles will build themselves into beautiful bridges of trust.
My favorite of your rules is “smile when you see them.”
That is such an important one! Your children will see a smile on your face and it will give them hope. It is an easy one to forget because we get so caught up with telling them what we think they need to know.
Parents can make a difference just by making sure the child feels welcome before we launch into telling them what to do. Never be too correcting with your child after a sporting event. It’s just “You tried hard” and “I appreciate it.” We can talk about helping you with your hitting tomorrow. I recently returned from Hawaii and saw a mother scolding her child all the way down the aisle of the airplane. She could not see the look on his face, but I could. We have to remember what it feels like to have a big person, who might weigh twice what you do, yelling at you in front of strangers.
And it’s the person whose good opinion you most need.
The currency of parental discipline is disappointment. Your disapproval is so important and powerful that when you are correcting a child you must always whisper. It really works for me. I was upset with my 11 year old yesterday because he lost an important basketball game and did not practice his free throws afterward. I whispered to him, “We could be working harder.” You have to loft them into the sky like a glider, boost them when they fall.
What mistake parents make concerns you the most?
Forgetting the importance of respect. So many of the rules in the book are just about ways to show the child respect. “Yes not what,” for example – simply changing your response to begin with “yes!” instead of “what?” makes a big difference. Never yelling is a sign of respect, too.
That teaches them how to behave respectfully to other people.
Exactly! I donate a lot of time to a program for inner city children. I was speaking to them on Saturday and I said “The key to a good and successful life is to simply always show the most respect.”
And what are you working on next?
We have a new son, whose middle name, Sullivan, is a tribute to my father. Fifty years from now, he will help keep that legacy alive. And I am working on a sequel to Parking Lot Rules
Posted on May 12, 2009 at 10:00 am
“G-Force” is an upcoming PG-rated comedy from Disney about a crack team of super-agents who happen to be guinea pigs, assisted by a mole and a fly, with voice talent including Tracy Morgan and Steve Buscemi. The trailer makes it look like fairly harmless nonsense, though I winced a bit when the girl guinea pig dances to “don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me.” But what really made me pause was the line “pimp my ride.” Has that term become so thoroughly sanitized that it is now acceptable in a children’s film from Disney?
It is the nature of words and other elements of culture to move from the edge to the mainstream and that is often a very good thing; it is what keeps our culture vital, engaging, and challenging. The word “pimp” has expanded from its original meaning as a man who manages prostitutes. Last year, when a journalist used it to describe the way Hilary Clinton’s campaign was deploying her daughter Chelsea, however, the candidate’s response was more as a mother than a politician, saying “Nothing justifies the kind of debasing language that David Shuster used and no temporary suspension or half-hearted apology is sufficient.” The reporter and the network apologized unreservedly and whole-heartedly.
MTV’s television series “Pimp My Ride” has popularized the use of the term as a reference to tricking up something, making it more glamorous and show-offy (like the popular notion of the pimp lifestyle), and it is in that sense that the word is used in this film. But I was sorry to see both Disney and the MPAA find that it is appropriate language for a PG. I believe it is inappropriate language for children to hear and use and a troubling contribution to the coarsening of our culture and discourse.
Posted on May 9, 2009 at 6:00 pm
The first Transformers movie, which was rated PG-13 but lent its brand to Happy Meal toys aimed at kids 4-9. Too bad the adult meal didn’t come with a person to explain why the movie was a non-starter for kids that age.
Age-inappropriate targeting — arguably begun in 1992 when McDonald’s got scolded for pushing toys to kids for “Batman Returns” (rated PG-13 for violence) — has become a time-honored practice. This summer, the new PG-13 “Terminator Salvation” (whose predecessors were all rated R) ties in with Pizza Hut. Subway is shilling “Land of the Lost,” and Burger King backs “Star Trek,” “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen,” and “G.I. Joe.”
Children understandably expect that if there is a toy or game associated with a film, it is suitable for them to see. Parents need to be very clear that just because a movie is marketed to them is no reason to expect that they will be seeing it.
