The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water

Posted on February 5, 2015 at 5:55 pm

Copyright Nickelodeon 2015
Copyright Nickelodeon 2015

Our friends from Bikini Bottom are back in another deliriously silly story, so tender-hearted and cheery that there is no way to resist it. Plus, it has superheroes, a pirate played by Antonio Banderas, existential metaphysics, the guitarist from Guns ‘n’ Roses, and a time-traveling space dolphin with the stentorian tones of a classically trained Shakespearean actor. It will amuse newcomers and delight fans.

Banderas plays Burger-Beard, first seen on a desert island in search of hidden treasure. An Indiana Jones-style booby-trap is no match for his wiliness, and soon he is back on his one-man pirate ship (it operates on “automatic pirate”) with his precious booty: an old storybook. It was a popular book. The library check-out card in the pocket on the inside back cover shows that it has been checked out by piratical luminaries like Captain Kidd and Jolly Roger. The book has a story about SpongeBob and his friends as well as some surprising powers which we will find out about later.

The pirate’s book takes us to familiar territory. SpongeBob Squarepants (Tom Kenny) loves his job as a fry cook at the Krusty Krab, making wildly popular Krabby patties. His boss is the money-mad Mr. Krabs, who keeps the secret recipe in his safe. Bikini Bottom’s other eatery is the struggling Chum Bucket, owned by the envious, one-eyed Plankton (Mr. Lawrence), who is far more inventive in coming up with ways to steal the recipe than he is in cooking. Burger-Beard wants the recipe, too, so he can achieve his dream of opening up a food truck made from his pirate boat. When the recipe is stolen, the whole gang, including SpongeBob’s best friend Patrick (Bill Fagerbakke), a dim-witted starfish, and Sandy (Carolyn Lawrence) a scuba-suit-wearing squirrel, have to go on land to get it back.

There are some sweet lessons about teamwork (Plankton literally does not know the meaning of the term) and loyalty, but the best lesson of all is the good cheer and gentle laughter that has made SpongeBob the best-loved animated series on television.

Parents should know that this film has some potty humor, schoolyard language, and mild cartoon-style peril and violence, including a cannon.

Family discussion: Which characters are loyal and why? Why is money so important to Mr. Krabs? If you could write your own story, what would it say?

If you like this, try: the SpongeBob television series and Penguins of Madagascar

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3D Animation Based on a television show Comedy Fantasy For the Whole Family Series/Sequel Talking animals

The Equalizer

Posted on September 25, 2014 at 5:59 pm

B
Lowest Recommended Age: Mature High Schooler
MPAA Rating: Rated R for strong bloody violence and language throughout, including some sexual references
Profanity: Very strong and crude language
Alcohol/ Drugs: Drinking, drugs and drug dealing
Violence/ Scariness: Extended and very graphic violence, with many characters injured and killed and graphic and disturbing images
Diversity Issues: Diverse characters
Date Released to Theaters: September 26, 2014
Date Released to DVD: December 29, 2014
Amazon.com ASIN: B00NX6WZIS
THE-EQUALIZER
Copyright 2014 Columbia Pictures

The only thing nicer than having a real-life friend who could circumvent any obstacle of power or law or, you know, logic to deliver the roughest but most just of rough justice would be to have that friend be Denzel Washington. And that’s the story of “The Equalizer,” very loosely based on television series starring Edward Woodward, but in theme and character closer to a superhero saga.

Washington plays Bob McCall, a kind and quiet inventory clerk at a big box store, but we can tell right away that he has seen some stuff and knows even more stuff.  His alarm clock goes off in a room so spare it might be occupied by a monk.  But the bed has not been slept in.  Bob prepares for the day, serious, precise, and methodical. He does one thing at a time.  At work, he eats his bag lunch and gently but firmly coaches his young colleague Ralphie (Johnny Skourtis) on losing weight and working on the skills he will need to pass the test for security guard. And at night, he brings a book to the diner (Hemingway’s The Old Man and The Sea), sits at a table, unwrapping the tea bag he brought with him, and exchanges a few words with Teri (Chloë Grace Moretz), a young “escort.”  “The old man met his adversary just when he thought that part of his life was over,” Bob tells Teri. “The old man got to be the old man. The fish got to be the fish.  Got to be what you are in this world.”  But what is Bob?  And what is Teri?

We do not know Bob’s past, but we know he has one (especially if we’ve seen the trailer).  If, as Spider-Man learns, with great power comes great responsibility, then with great power come some wrenching conflicts as well.  When Ralphie and Terri get in trouble, Bob will step in, risking escalation, retribution, and blowing whatever cover he has worked very hard to create. On the other hand, if he does not step in, it will not be much of a movie. And if you have any question, his next choice of classic literature will make it clear: Don Quixote, who “lives in a world where knights don’t exist anymore.”  In his own way, Bob is a Knight of Rueful Countenance. But unlike Don Quixote, Bob does not tilt at windmills. He takes on very bad people and he is very, very good at it.  “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why,” the film tells us at the beginning, quoting Mark Twain.  Bob was not born to haul sacks of gravel.

A superhero movie has to have a character with power, whether it is money plus gymnastics and cool toys (Batman) or extra strength and speed (pretty much all of the Avengers). But we usually like them to have a secret or at least downtime identity — Bruce Wayne, Clark Kent, Tony Stark. There’s a lot of satisfaction in seeing them take down the bad guys. But there is even more satisfaction in what I call the “who is that chef?” moments (a reference to Under Siege). It’s not enough to kick the butt of the bad guy, you have to have the vast, immense, profound satisfaction of letting him know just how massively he has underestimated you. I mean Bob.

We get a lot of both in this film as Bob takes on bigger, meaner, and tougher bad guys in bigger, meaner, tougher confrontations.  Bob likes to set his stopwatch so we know he is setting himself against more than the bad guys; he is still in some competition with, what?  His abilities when he was younger?  Or, as he says, “progress, not perfection” — is he moving toward some goal that is still just out of his reach?

Basically, this is a slow burn movie, with a build-up to introduce us to the characters and then a series of action sequences, all well staged but very, very violent, as to be expected from director Antoine Fuqua (“Training Day”).  The bad guys are very, very, very bad.  The good guy is very, very, very, very good.  Denzel Washington is as good as it gets.  

And a sequel is in the works.

Parents should know that this movie is extremely violent, with many characters injured and killed and many explicit and disturbing images.  Characters use strong language.  Bad guys use every possible kind of weapon and engage in every possible kind of criminal behavior including sex trafficking, extortion and arson, and drug dealing.

Family discussion:  Why did Bob go to see his former colleague? What did he learn from the classic books he read?

If you like this, try: “Training Day”

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Action/Adventure Based on a television show Crime DVD/Blu-Ray Pick of the Week Remake

Contest: Arthur Goes Back to School

Posted on August 11, 2014 at 8:00 am

Copyright 2014 PBS Kids
Copyright 2014 PBS Kids
Eight-year-old Arthur the aardvark has four adventures in this new DVD, available tomorrow, August 12, 2014. This is the perfect back-to-school treat, as Arthur and his friends find out that a candy bar may not be as appetizing as they thought, learn how to handle a big test without getting too stressed out, and work hard to be better at baseball. And is “Brain’s Biggest Blunder” trying to turn Buster into a math whiz? The DVD has printable coloring pages and activities.

I have a copy to give away! Send me an email at moviemom@moviemom.com with Arthur in the subject line and tell me your favorite part of school. Don’t forget your address! (US addresses only.) I’ll pick a winner at random on August 16. Good luck!

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Posted on August 7, 2014 at 5:59 pm

Copyright 2014 Paramount StudiosDear Michael Bay,
Just because you were able to turn one Saturday cartoon series for children into a PG-13 blockbuster, based on nostalgia on the part of its now-teen and 20-something audience and some world class special effects, does not mean that you can do the same with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. This is less “Transformer” and more “Yogi Bear” or “Scooby-Doo.” In other words, step away from “Shirt Tales” and “The Wuzzles.” Please, just stop. Sincerely, The Movie Mom

Before it wore or, or, more accurately, wore down its welcome, the original “Transformers” was a refreshing surprise that kept the spirit of the original series.  But even as a cartoon show, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were meta and self-referential and cutesy.  I mean, just look at the concept: they’re turtles.  And ninjas.  And teenagers.  You can blow them up into CGI behemoths, but they still can’t make a movie work, even by bringing back the original star of the first “Transformers” movie, Megan Fox.

Fox plays April O’Neil, a would-be investigative reporter relegated by her condescending colleagues to cutesy stories like exercising on mini-trampolines in Times Square.  She would much rather be reporting on a powerful and merciless gang of criminals known as the Foot Clan.  No one believes her when she says she saw a super-strong vigilante in the shadows, fighting the Foot Clan, including her editor (a “what is she doing in this movie?” Whoopi Goldberg).  It turns out she has a connection to this mysterious crime-fighter.  Her father was a scientist who died in a tragic lab accident as he was working on a special strength-giving serum by injecting it into four young turtles.  The night the lab burned down, April rescued the turtles and a rat by letting them escape into the sewer.

A handy martial arts manual found in the sewer gives the rat, known as Splinter (voice of “Monk’s” Tony Shaloub) the chance to train the young turtles, and the effects of the injections make them grow up to be large, muscular, and able to stand upright.  Each of the four has a different color mask and a Smurf-like individual personality quirk.  But they all love pizza.

The action scenes are well-staged, especially a snowy chase scene, though I have no idea where the snow came from as we only see snow outside the city.  But the script is lame and the violence is too intense for anyone old enough to be interested.  A slumming William Fitchner plays an industrialist who is not as philanthropic as he seems. And the scenes with an even-more slumming Will Arnett (what happened to his career?), whose two functions are to drive April around and be generally skeezy about his interest in her, are just painful.  April strives to be taken seriously as a journalist.  Fox, sadly, fails to be taken seriously as an actress (which she really is — see “This is 40”).

And the title characters are under-used as well.  For a movie about the TMNTs, they just don’t have enough to do beyond loving pizza and kicking bad guys. Whatever charm existed in the original cartoons is trampled by this over-blown bore.

Parents should know that this film includes cartoon-style action, peril, and violence, sad off-screen death of a parent, some brief disturbing images, some crude humor and a brief potty joke.

Family discussion: Why didn’t anyone take April seriously? Which turtle is your favorite and why?

If you like this, try: the TMNT cartoon series and the earlier films

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3D Action/Adventure Based on a television show Comic book/Comic Strip/Graphic Novel Fantasy Superhero Talking animals
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