Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Posted on August 7, 2014 at 5:59 pm

Dear Michael Bay,
Just because you were able to turn one Saturday cartoon series for children into a PG-13 blockbuster, based on nostalgia on the part of its now-teen and 20-something audience and some world class special effects, does not mean that you can do the same with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. This is less “Transformer” and more “Yogi Bear” or “Scooby-Doo.” In other words, step away from “Shirt Tales” and “The Wuzzles.” Please, just stop. Sincerely, The Movie Mom

Before it wore or, or, more accurately, wore down its welcome, the original “Transformers” was a refreshing surprise that kept the spirit of the original series. But even as a cartoon show, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were meta and self-referential and cutesy. I mean, just look at the concept: they’re turtles. And ninjas. And teenagers. You can blow them up into CGI behemoths, but they still can’t make a movie work, even by bringing back the original star of the first “Transformers” movie, Megan Fox.

Fox plays April O’Neil, a would-be investigative reporter relegated by her condescending colleagues to cutesy stories like exercising on mini-trampolines in Times Square. She would much rather be reporting on a powerful and merciless gang of criminals known as the Foot Clan. No one believes her when she says she saw a super-strong vigilante in the shadows, fighting the Foot Clan, including her editor (a “what is she doing in this movie?” Whoopi Goldberg). It turns out she has a connection to this mysterious crime-fighter. Her father was a scientist who died in a tragic lab accident as he was working on a special strength-giving serum by injecting it into four young turtles. The night the lab burned down, April rescued the turtles and a rat by letting them escape into the sewer.

A handy martial arts manual found in the sewer gives the rat, known as Splinter (voice of “Monk’s” Tony Shaloub) the chance to train the young turtles, and the effects of the injections make them grow up to be large, muscular, and able to stand upright. Each of the four has a different color mask and a Smurf-like individual personality quirk. But they all love pizza.

The action scenes are well-staged, especially a snowy chase scene, though I have no idea where the snow came from as we only see snow outside the city. But the script is lame and the violence is too intense for anyone old enough to be interested. A slumming William Fitchner plays an industrialist who is not as philanthropic as he seems. And the scenes with an even-more slumming Will Arnett (what happened to his career?), whose two functions are to drive April around and be generally skeezy about his interest in her, are just painful. April strives to be taken seriously as a journalist. Fox, sadly, fails to be taken seriously as an actress (which she really is — see “This is 40”).

And the title characters are under-used as well. For a movie about the TMNTs, they just don’t have enough to do beyond loving pizza and kicking bad guys. Whatever charm existed in the original cartoons is trampled by this over-blown bore.

Parents should know that this film includes cartoon-style action, peril, and violence, sad off-screen death of a parent, some brief disturbing images, some crude humor and a brief potty joke.

Family discussion: Why didn’t anyone take April seriously? Which turtle is your favorite and why?

If you like this, try: the TMNT cartoon series and the earlier films

Transformers: Age of Extinction

Posted on June 26, 2014 at 5:59 pm

The script for the new Transformers movie is basically: Noise. Explosions. Chases. Guy-on-guy fighting. Transformer-on-Transformer fighting. Brief pauses for father-teenage daughter conflict, father-boyfriend of the teenage daughter conflict, paranoia-inducing rogue government operatives, paranoia-inducing megalomaniacal one-percenter, and a flicker of a robot existential crisis. Then back to the noise, explosions, and massive PG-13 destruction, meaning more damage to buildings than people or giant robots, though one of the human characters does get incinerated early on. Repeat. Repeat again.

Yes, this movie is nearly three hours long. That’s a lot of robots. It is long, and it is loud. The primary focus is the special effects, including the use of the first-ever IMAX 3D camera (though the credits reveal some post-production 3D work as well). The depth of the frame is impressive.

That’s expected and it is fine. The special effects are better than the non-special effects moments, which come down to 1. Exposition, which makes very little sense, 2. Banter, which is weak, and 3. In-jokes about sequels and product placement.

The special effects are excellent. And I can’t help it, I still love to see cars turn into robots and robots turn into cars. This time there are even Transformer dinosaurs!

Somewhere among the robots, there’s an all-new human cast in this fourth Transformers movie, again inspired by the Hasbro toys and the animated television series. Mark Wahlberg takes over the lead as Cade Yeager, broke inventor and overprotective widowed dad of a 17-year-old daughter (Nicola Peltz as Tessa). His specialty is “making junk into different junk,” and he has a barn that serves as his lab/repair shop. He buys a beat-up old truck that turns out to be none other than alpha-bot Optimus Prime (again with the deep and resonant voice of Peter Cullen). The problem is that since the massive destruction of Chicago in the last movie, which we recall as Cade drives by billboards that say “Remember Chicago,” the consensus in the human population is that all Transformers have to be eliminated.

A government operative named Harold Attinger (Kelsey Grammer) is leading a black ops program to rid the planet of all Transformers, regardless of whether they are autobots or decepticons. He refuses to give any information to a clueless and ineffectual White House Chief of Staff (Thomas Lennon). And he plots with one-percenter Joshua Joyce (Stanley Tucci), an inventor/multi-billionaire sort of cross between Tony Stark and Donald Trump.

So the injured Optimus Prime and his friends are the target of attacks by a business mogul, a government agency, a sort of bounty hunter, and the decepticons, including a sort of re-animator version of Megatron. That means a lot of collateral damage back in Chicago and in China as well, though the cities are not as well differentiated as the robots and that is not saying much. While there seem to be references to current debates about immigration and terrorism, the themes are less overtly political (or dramatic) than a random assortment of words selected for their emotional charge.

Notoriously unreconstructed Michael Bay directs as though it is the first iteration of the Transformers, back in the 1980’s. The racial and gender stereotyping is only slightly less clunky than in earlier installments, which means that the autobots represent various ethnic caricatures for no particular reason and Cade calls his daughter’s Irish boyfriend “Lucky Charms.” It also means that despite the almost infinite budget for the film, apparently there was not enough to pay for enough material to clothe teenage Tessa. No matter what she wears, for some reason there is always a lot of skin showing. There are various sexist comments (jellyfish are compared to women because they are “erotic and dangerous”) and an ooky discussion of why it is not statutory rape when a 20 year old has sex with a 17 year old (the 20 year old in question helpfully carries a copy of the Texas “Romeo and Juliet” law in his wallet, along, I hope, with other protection as well). The politics of the movie are as incoherent as the fight scenes; in both, it is not always clear who the good guys are supposed to be. Basically, everyone is bad except the autobots and their human friends. And the movie is bad except for the robots.

Parents should know that this film includes strong language (s-words, b-words, one f-word), suggestive discussion of teen sex and teen pregnancy, extensive sci-fi action-style violence, constant peril and chases, some characters injured and killed (one burned to a crisp) and widespread destruction and explosions, references to genocide, some disturbing images and scary creatures, some ethnic stereotyping and alcohol (intrusive, if self-mocking, product placement).

Family discussion: What mistakes have turned out well for you? Why was it important to Cade to turn junk into something useful? Why did Attinger insist that all Transformers were bad?

If you like this, try: the other “Transformers” movies and the television series, and “The Iron Giant”

Trailer: Postman Pat

Posted on June 24, 2014 at 10:16 pm

The beloved television series Postman Pat is now a feature film!

The animated story about the friendly postman has voices from Stephen Mangan (“Episodes”) as Postman Pat; recording star Ronan Keating, who provides the singing voice for Postman Pat; Academy Award and BAFTA Award Winner Jim Broadbent (“Iris”); Rupert Grint (Ron Weasley in the “Harry Potter” film series), and David Tennant (“Doctor Who,” “Harry Potter”). In the film Postman Pat enters a national TV talent show competition. Will success and fame tear him away from his hometown of Greendale and the friends he loves? Can Pat return to town in time to foil a sinister plot to replace him with legions of Patbot 3000 robots destined to take over the world? Only Postman Pat can save the day.

22 Jump Street

Posted on June 12, 2014 at 5:55 pm

B-

Lowest Recommended Age:	Mature High Schooler
MPAA Rating:	Rated R for language throughout, sexual content, drug material, brief nudity and some violence
Profanity:	Constant very strong and crude language
Alcohol/ Drugs:	Drinking, drunkenness, drugs and drug dealing
Violence/ Scariness:	Comic action-style law enforcement violence, characters injured and killed
Diversity Issues:	Diverse characters
Date Released to Theaters:	June 13, 2014
Date Released to DVD:	November 18, 2014
Amazon.com ASIN:	B00KPYT9PS

It can be treacherous to go meta in a sequel, especially in the sequel to movie based on a television series that was already pretty meta, with a climax that included appearances by Johnny Depp and some of the other stars of the 1980’s show about young-looking undercover cops. Meta can be smart and funny (see the movie based on another cheesy television series, “Charlie’s Angels”) but it can also be easy and self-absorbed. This sequel is in some ways about sequels, and one of its best moments comes at the very end, with a piling-on of increasingly sillier ideas for future chapters. There are a couple of nice digs at the bigger budget/lower quality/repetitiveness tradition of movie sequels at the beginning, in a scene with the hilariously deadpan Nick Offerman. But if you’re going to make that joke, you’d better be able to clear that hurdle (as Channing Tatum does in a running joke about his parkour-esque athleticism) and not face-plant (as Jonah Hill does in a recurring joke about his lack of athleticism). There are also recurring jokes about how the stars look too old to be in college, the dynamics of the two guys as a couple, and, again, about the bigger budget and repeated storylines, most of which are not as funny as the filmmakers hope.

The 21 Jump Street group has moved from the former Korean church they used as headquarters to a former Vietnamese church across the street. Hence the new address. And they have spent their bigger budget on a high-tech set-up that their commanding officer, Captain Dickson (Ice Cube), describes as suitable for Iron Man. This time, as we heard at the end of the last film, our undercover cops Schmidt (Hill) and Jenko (Tatum) are going undercover in a college. And once again they are looking for the people behind the distribution of a powerful drug. This one is known as whyfhy (pronounced Wi-Fi), and it produces four hours of intense focus (for studying) followed by four hours of wild hallucinogenics (for partying). They stop by the prison to consult with a couple of characters from the last film, and then it’s time for school.

The first film had some real insights about high school, but this one feels based on movies about college rather than the dynamics of a real college environment. There is football, fraternity hazing, and spring break, but not a lot of energy or insight. The chemistry between Hill and Tatum is still terrific, and one scene where Jenko loses it following an awkward revelation in the captain’s office works very well. Peter Stormare has an underwritten role as a generic bad guy and Wyatt Russell (son of Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell) has an underwritten role as a frat guy. The one who comes close to stealing the show here is Jillian Bell as the former roommate of the student whose death led to the undercover operation. If (heaven forbid) there is another sequel, it should not be the budget that is bigger; it should be her role.

Parents should know that this film includes extremely strong and vulgar language, sexual references and non-explicit situations, brief nudity, drinking and drunkenness, fraternity hazing, drugs and drug dealing, law enforcement violence with guns and explosions, and characters who are injured and killed.

Family discussion: Which one of the sequel ideas glimpsed at the end looks funniest? Do you prefer relationships with some friction?

If you like this, try: “21 Jump Street” and “Lethal Weapon”

DVD Extras: Commentary, deleted scenes

Muppets Most Wanted

Posted on March 20, 2014 at 6:00 pm

A-

Lowest Recommended Age:	All Ages
MPAA Rating:	Rated PG for some mild action
Profanity:	None
Alcohol/ Drugs:	None
Violence/ Scariness:	Some peril and action, no one hurt
Diversity Issues:	Diverse characters
Date Released to Theaters:	March 21, 2014
Date Released to DVD:	August 11, 2014
Amazon.com ASIN:	B00H4RL2H2

The Muppets live up to the title in this adorable follow-up that is even truer to the essence of Muppetry than the Jason Segal predecessor because it puts the Muppets themselves at the heart of the story, not the humans. And that’s very good news. No one is better than the Muppets at creating a giddy mixture of sharp wit, delirious silliness, pop culture references (here they range from Ingmar Bergman’s scythe-bearing Death chess match to a “Producers”-inspired prison gang kick-line) and random guest stars (Lady Gaga! Tony Bennett! Together!), and a self-deprecating but irrepressibly sunny sensibility. There is always grand spectacle, romance, and heart, even a brief but telling lesson in manners. Plus, there’s another tuneful and hilarious collection of songs from Oscar-winner Bret McKenzie. The result is pure joy.

It starts about one minute after the last movie ends. The human couple is clearly on the road to happily ever after, but what about the Muppets? Time for a sequel! “While they wait for Tom Hanks to Make ‘Toy Story 4,'” they sing, even though “everybody knows that the sequel’s never quite as good.” They also blithely explain that we can expect “a family-style adventure during which we should bond and learn heartwarming lessons like sharing and taking your turn and the Number 3.”

The Muppets hire Dominic Badguy (“pronounced Bad-GEE”) (Ricky Gervais) as their new tour manager and go to Europe to perform. He actually is a bad GUY, however, and the tour is just a cover for an elaborate series of heists, conveniently located next door to the venues selected by Dominic. Meanwhile, Constantine, the most dangerous frog in the world, escapes from the Siberian gulag where he has been in prison. And he looks almost exactly like Kermit, except for a distinctive beauty mark on his cheek. Constantine slaps a fake birthmark onto Kermit’s cheek, covers his own with green make-up, and soon Kermit is captured (vainly trying to explain that he’s an “Amphibian-American”) and sent to the gulag.

And Constantine is running the Muppet Show. Even though he speaks with a thick accent and has a completely different personality, none of the Muppets notices the switch, especially when he tells them they can do whatever they want. Miss Piggy does not realize that her beloved frog has been replaced.

Meanwhile, the hard core prisoners in the gulag (including Ray Liotta and a mystery guest star in solitary) figure out immediately that Kermit is not Constantine because he says “thank you.” Even Nadya (Tina Fey), who runs the prison, knows it is not Constantine. But her fondest dream is a first-class gulag musical show. She won’t let Kermit leave because she needs him to direct it. And she knows every possible trick the prisoners might try to sneak out. She explains, “I have a Netflix account with the search words ‘prison escape.'” Also, she likes him. So, soon Kermit is overseeing a prison kick-line to a song from “A Chorus Line” (the guy in solitary has a great set of pipes). And Constantine is getting ready for the biggest heist of all: the British royal family’s crown jewels, though — wait for it — “It’s not easy being mean.”

On the path of the master thieves are a pair of non-master detectives, Jean Pierre Napoleon from Interpol (Ty Burell, through no fault of his own the movie’s only weak point) and Sam the Eagle from the FBI. Their competition over the size of their badges is rather fun, but then their appearances descend into repeated and increasingly flat jokes about Napoleon’s tiny car and constant breaks for meals and vacations. But then we have the classic shots of newspapers to bring us up to date: “Slow News Week; Muppets Dominate Headlines” and we’re back in Muppet heaven.

Note: Be sure to get to the theater in time. There’s an adorable “Monsters University” short before the feature starts.

Parents should know that there is some bad behavior, a very brief scary skeleton and mild peril. Scenes in the gulag play dire prison conditions and treatment for comedy.

Family discussion: How could Nadya, Fozzie, and Walter tell the difference between Kermit and Constantine? Why didn’t anyone else figure out what was going on? Why did Constantine let the Muppets do whatever they wanted?

If you like this, try: The Muppet Show and their feature films