Oh, how I loved The Man from U.N.C.L.E. when I was a kid. And this trailer for the new Guy Ritchie movie with “Superman’s” Henry Cavill and “The Social Network’s” Armie Hammer (plus Hugh Grant in the Leo G. Carroll role of Mr. Waverly) looks very tasty, doesn’t it?
Just a reminder of the original, with Robert Vaughn and that guy who plays Duckie on “NCIS.”
Our friends from Bikini Bottom are back in another deliriously silly story, so tender-hearted and cheery that there is no way to resist it. Plus, it has superheroes, a pirate played by Antonio Banderas, existential metaphysics, the guitarist from Guns ‘n’ Roses, and a time-traveling space dolphin with the stentorian tones of a classically trained Shakespearean actor. It will amuse newcomers and delight fans.
Banderas plays Burger-Beard, first seen on a desert island in search of hidden treasure. An Indiana Jones-style booby-trap is no match for his wiliness, and soon he is back on his one-man pirate ship (it operates on “automatic pirate”) with his precious booty: an old storybook. It was a popular book. The library check-out card in the pocket on the inside back cover shows that it has been checked out by piratical luminaries like Captain Kidd and Jolly Roger. The book has a story about SpongeBob and his friends as well as some surprising powers which we will find out about later.
The pirate’s book takes us to familiar territory. SpongeBob Squarepants (Tom Kenny) loves his job as a fry cook at the Krusty Krab, making wildly popular Krabby patties. His boss is the money-mad Mr. Krabs, who keeps the secret recipe in his safe. Bikini Bottom’s other eatery is the struggling Chum Bucket, owned by the envious, one-eyed Plankton (Mr. Lawrence), who is far more inventive in coming up with ways to steal the recipe than he is in cooking. Burger-Beard wants the recipe, too, so he can achieve his dream of opening up a food truck made from his pirate boat. When the recipe is stolen, the whole gang, including SpongeBob’s best friend Patrick (Bill Fagerbakke), a dim-witted starfish, and Sandy (Carolyn Lawrence) a scuba-suit-wearing squirrel, have to go on land to get it back.
There are some sweet lessons about teamwork (Plankton literally does not know the meaning of the term) and loyalty, but the best lesson of all is the good cheer and gentle laughter that has made SpongeBob the best-loved animated series on television.
Parents should know that this film has some potty humor, schoolyard language, and mild cartoon-style peril and violence, including a cannon.
Family discussion: Which characters are loyal and why? Why is money so important to Mr. Krabs? If you could write your own story, what would it say?
Rated R for strong bloody violence and language throughout, including some sexual references
Profanity:
Very strong and crude language
Alcohol/ Drugs:
Drinking, drugs and drug dealing
Violence/ Scariness:
Extended and very graphic violence, with many characters injured and killed and graphic and disturbing images
Diversity Issues:
Diverse characters
Date Released to Theaters:
September 26, 2014
Date Released to DVD:
December 29, 2014
Amazon.com ASIN:
B00NX6WZIS
Copyright 2014 Columbia Pictures
The only thing nicer than having a real-life friend who could circumvent any obstacle of power or law or, you know, logic to deliver the roughest but most just of rough justice would be to have that friend be Denzel Washington. And that’s the story of “The Equalizer,” very loosely based on television series starring Edward Woodward, but in theme and character closer to a superhero saga.
Washington plays Bob McCall, a kind and quiet inventory clerk at a big box store, but we can tell right away that he has seen some stuff and knows even more stuff. His alarm clock goes off in a room so spare it might be occupied by a monk. But the bed has not been slept in. Bob prepares for the day, serious, precise, and methodical. He does one thing at a time. At work, he eats his bag lunch and gently but firmly coaches his young colleague Ralphie (Johnny Skourtis) on losing weight and working on the skills he will need to pass the test for security guard. And at night, he brings a book to the diner (Hemingway’s The Old Man and The Sea), sits at a table, unwrapping the tea bag he brought with him, and exchanges a few words with Teri (Chloë Grace Moretz), a young “escort.” “The old man met his adversary just when he thought that part of his life was over,” Bob tells Teri. “The old man got to be the old man. The fish got to be the fish. Got to be what you are in this world.” But what is Bob? And what is Teri?
We do not know Bob’s past, but we know he has one (especially if we’ve seen the trailer). If, as Spider-Man learns, with great power comes great responsibility, then with great power come some wrenching conflicts as well. When Ralphie and Terri get in trouble, Bob will step in, risking escalation, retribution, and blowing whatever cover he has worked very hard to create. On the other hand, if he does not step in, it will not be much of a movie. And if you have any question, his next choice of classic literature will make it clear: Don Quixote, who “lives in a world where knights don’t exist anymore.” In his own way, Bob is a Knight of Rueful Countenance. But unlike Don Quixote, Bob does not tilt at windmills. He takes on very bad people and he is very, very good at it. “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why,” the film tells us at the beginning, quoting Mark Twain. Bob was not born to haul sacks of gravel.
A superhero movie has to have a character with power, whether it is money plus gymnastics and cool toys (Batman) or extra strength and speed (pretty much all of the Avengers). But we usually like them to have a secret or at least downtime identity — Bruce Wayne, Clark Kent, Tony Stark. There’s a lot of satisfaction in seeing them take down the bad guys. But there is even more satisfaction in what I call the “who is that chef?” moments (a reference to Under Siege). It’s not enough to kick the butt of the bad guy, you have to have the vast, immense, profound satisfaction of letting him know just how massively he has underestimated you. I mean Bob.
We get a lot of both in this film as Bob takes on bigger, meaner, and tougher bad guys in bigger, meaner, tougher confrontations. Bob likes to set his stopwatch so we know he is setting himself against more than the bad guys; he is still in some competition with, what? His abilities when he was younger? Or, as he says, “progress, not perfection” — is he moving toward some goal that is still just out of his reach?
Basically, this is a slow burn movie, with a build-up to introduce us to the characters and then a series of action sequences, all well staged but very, very violent, as to be expected from director Antoine Fuqua (“Training Day”). The bad guys are very, very, very bad. The good guy is very, very, very, very good. Denzel Washington is as good as it gets.
And a sequel is in the works.
Parents should know that this movie is extremely violent, with many characters injured and killed and many explicit and disturbing images. Characters use strong language. Bad guys use every possible kind of weapon and engage in every possible kind of criminal behavior including sex trafficking, extortion and arson, and drug dealing.
Family discussion: Why did Bob go to see his former colleague? What did he learn from the classic books he read?
Copyright 2014 PBS KidsEight-year-old Arthur the aardvark has four adventures in this new DVD, available tomorrow, August 12, 2014. This is the perfect back-to-school treat, as Arthur and his friends find out that a candy bar may not be as appetizing as they thought, learn how to handle a big test without getting too stressed out, and work hard to be better at baseball. And is “Brain’s Biggest Blunder” trying to turn Buster into a math whiz? The DVD has printable coloring pages and activities.
I have a copy to give away! Send me an email at moviemom@moviemom.com with Arthur in the subject line and tell me your favorite part of school. Don’t forget your address! (US addresses only.) I’ll pick a winner at random on August 16. Good luck!