Posted on July 15, 2015 at 8:00 am
At the end of the last “Kung Fu Panda” movie we got a hint that our hero, an adopted son of a loving father, would get his first chance to meet his biological family. In this new chapter, Po (Jack Black) finds a community of pandas and has to train them in kung fu to take on the evil Kai (Oscar-winner J.K. Simmons).
Posted on July 9, 2015 at 5:16 pm
The Minions should pay a little less attention to villains and a little more to penguins. Like “Madagascar’s” penguins, “Despicable Me’s” yellow minions were comic relief characters who took the lead in follow-up features. But the Minions are not quite up to the level of their black and white counterparts. While “Penguins of Madagascar” was one of the funniest films for any age of last year, “Minions” is a reasonably diverting entertainment with some great visuals, some good ideas, and some missed opportunities. The Minions are an adorable concept, a cross between Oompa Loompas and marshmallow Peeps. But they speak in gibberish, which is more fun in smaller doses. And while this movie selects three of them out of the multitudes to be the focus of the adventure, their characters are not especially interesting and their personalities are not especially differentiated. The same is unfortunately true of most of the human characters as well.
And “Despicable Me” had Gru, and Gru had a nemesis to best, lessons to learn, and little girls to change his life. We miss that emotional and narrative heft in this film.
What we have instead is a cute origin story going back to the earliest life on Earth, with the minions evolving out of little yellow single-cell floating creatures. By the time they make it to land, their purpose has been established. They will seek out and support the greatest villains on the planet. But, the narrator (Geoffrey Rush) informs us, in tones suggesting a nature documentary, “Finding a boss was easy. Keeping one was not.” A T-Rex. An Egyptian Pharaoh. A vampire. Napoleon. They just don’t last, primarily because the Minions’ efforts to be helpful backfire. Almost literally.
The Minions retreat to the Arctic, and that takes care of a few more centuries. But they have no purpose. And so Kevin, Stuart, and Bob set off to find a new evil genius to support. It is 1968, and they arrive in New York City, to the sound of the Rolling Stones singing “19th Nervous Breakdown.” They find out that in pre-Disney Orlando, Florida, the upcoming Villain Con (cleverly modeled after Comic-Con) will give them a chance to meet the top bad guys of the world, especially superstar Scarlet Overkill (Sandra Bullock). They hitch a ride along the way with a smiling suburban family (Michael Keaton and Allison Janney), who turn out to have more in common with the Minions than expected. And, when they pass the test failed by all the other criminals, Scarlet takes them on and assigns them the crime of the century — she wants them to steal Queen Elizabeth’s crown. Scarlett’s husband, Herb (Jon Hamm) serves as Q, giving out the gadgets, and then it’s off to the Tower of London.
Individual moments are charming and funny, and baby boomers will appreciate the 60’s references and soundtrack, which should do for “Hair,” Hendrix, and Donovan what “Guardians of the Galaxy” did for 70’s rock. But a bedtime story about the three little pigs only reminds us more pointedly of how much better the “three little kittens” bedtime story was in the first film.
NOTE: Stay through the very end of the credits for a funny song and dance and some wow-worthy 3D effects.
Parents should know that this film has comic, cartoon-style peril and mayhem (no one hurt), weapons, explosions, chases, thong underwear, and brief potty humor.
Family discussion: How should you decide what your purpose is and why is that important? Can you understand the Minions even though they are not speaking English, and, if so, how? What made Scarlet so mean, and why do so many people admire her?
If you like this, try: the “Despicable Me” movies and “Megamind”
Posted on June 30, 2015 at 6:02 pm
“We’re healers,” one of the male exotic dancers, explains to another in “Magic Mike XXL.” They’re here to bring a smile to women who have not, through tragically misguided oversight, been worshipped and adored. They have not been ap-PRE-ciated. They have not been treated like QUEENS.
No fear. Men have arrived who want nothing more from life than to worship, adore, and appreciate their queens, and to do so with the power of powerful, rhythmic, body movements that involve arching and thrusting.
The original “Magic Mike,” based very loosely on some of Channing Tatum’s experiences as an exotic dancer, was directed by Steven Soderbergh and had a few things to say about the economy and income inequality between the bumps and the grinds. This sequel, produced by Soderbergh but directed by Gregory Jacobs (the underrated “Criminal”), is just out for a very good time, and on that, like its characters, it delivers.
As it opens, Mike (Tatum) has the furniture design company he was dreaming of, and it is successful enough to keep him very busy but not successful enough for him to be able to buy insurance for his employee. Uh-oh, you think. Sharp tools and no insurance. There’s going to be some awful accident that will make Mike go back out to raise money a dollar at a time tucked into his g-string.
But no, this is not that movie. No artificial stress. It just wants to make you smile.
Mike just misses his friends, and so he decides to join them for one last big road trip, a bro-trip, with adventures along the way and the world championship exotic dancing competition at the end. There are adventures and many, many opportunities to make women smile along the way, with a few personal problems to resolve, the most pressing finding a woman who is willing to have sex with Big Dick Richie (Joe Manganiello). Spoiler alert: he does.
But before that, he has a great scene in a convenience store, doing a dance number to an 90’s pop confection that never goes out of style. The guys stop off in a southern mansion where ladies old enough to be their mothers drink a lot of wine and reveal that they have just never been properly ap-PRE-ciated. That problem will be at least temporarily solved.
And Mike visits a lady from his past, played by a smokin’ Jada Pinkett Smith. She now runs a private club for ladies to be treated like QUEENS. Will she help them by emceeing their big number at the convention? Are healers gonna heal? Are they going to go beyond the Village People typecasting and find dances that express their inner beings and make the ladies smile while so doing?
Yes, yes, and yes. Gorgeous men dance for your pleasure and bro-out enough that boyfriends will enjoy it, too, especially when they realize that there is a certain fantasy element on a road trip like this one. No one takes anything too seriously except for having fun and that is exactly what they deliver.
Parents should know that this movie has extremely explicit and crude sexual references and situations, nudity, drinking, drugs, and very strong and crude language.
Family discussion: Why do the guys like to think of themselves as “healers?” If you created a dance to show your personality, what would it be?
If you like this, try: “Magic Mike” and the “Step Up” movies
Posted on June 30, 2015 at 5:15 pm
B-| Lowest Recommended Age: | High School |
| MPAA Rating: | Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi violence and gunplay throughout, partial nudity and brief strong language |
| Profanity: | Some strong language |
| Alcohol/ Drugs: | None |
| Violence/ Scariness: | Intense and often graphic peril and violence, characters injured and killed |
| Diversity Issues: | Diverse characters |
| Date Released to Theaters: | July 1, 2015 |
“I’ll be back,” Arnold Schwarzenegger said in the first “Terminator” movie. He had the title role but only 16 lines, with about a total of 80 words. But those three words have become a legend. It now appears he meant it more than we thought, as he appears four decades later in a fifth “Terminator” movie, with two more in the pipeline.
The storyline is about how a network of computers called Skynet took over and all but destroyed life on earth, except for a small group of rebels led by John Connor. Given the time travel that occurs in the films, they in effect act as their own prequels and sequels. This is more of a side-quel, presenting some of the same characters and events in a sort of alternate, butterfly effect universe. Some changes are explained, including why a robot that looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger now looks so much older than he did in the first one. (I didn’t say it was explained persuasively, just that they recognize someone has to say something about it.) Many changes are not explained, and I am not just talking about the fact that the characters are, other than Schwarzenegger, played by different actors. Some of those changes are good. Some are not. And some are just dumb.
Here’s a good one. In the first film, we learn that John Connor has sent Kyle, his top rebel colleague back in time to protect Sarah Connor because the Terminator (Schwarzenegger) has been sent back to kill her before she can even become pregnant with Connor, to eliminate him so that he can never be born and lead the rebellion against the machines. In this film, we see it happen. John (Jason Clarke) explains that, as we already know but Kyle does not, Sarah is not yet the tough, resilient woman she will become by the end of #1 and really show us in #2. She is “scared and weak.” She is also, John tells Kyle, a waitress, though since Kyle was very young when Skynet took over and declared humanity a pestilence that had to be eradicated before it contaminated the earth beyond repair, he has no idea what that is.
But then we see Sarah (now played by “Game of Thrones'” Emilia Clarke, no relation to Jason), and she is not the frightened, inexperienced girl Kyle expected. Plus, she has Terminator of her own (Schwarzenegger) who is protecting her, not killing her.
Even by the very low standards of blockbuster sci-fi, the mumbo-jumbo here is pretty over the top, with plot holes bigger than the school bus that hangs over the side of a bridge in one of the film’s showiest action sequences. We have not quite reached nuke the fridge status yet, but we’re teetering on the brink with unanswered questions and outright subversion of some of the series’ core precepts. And it is one thing to make reference to the earlier films; it is another to wink at them and at us. Make a character we trust untrustworthy. Okay. Age the Terminator. Well…okay. Call him “Pops.” Sort of okay. Have him fake smile. Okay. Have him keep a cache of sentimental tokens. Not okay. This is not Pinocchio, and he is not going to become a Real Boy.
But hey, this is summer, and we don’t need think-y movies, right? So let’s drive right through those plot holes, enjoy seeing Arnold now fight a CGI Arnold circa 1984, hang that school bus off the bridge, and keep going, without looking back.
NOTE: Stay past the credits for a scene that will not surprise you about what’s in store for #6.
Parents should know that there is extensive and intense peril and violence throughout the film, just under the R level, with characters injured and killed and some disturbing images. There is also some discreet nudity, and brief strong language, with a couple of mildly crude sexual references.
Family discussion: If you could go back in time to make a change, what would it be? What is the best way to prevent a Skynet-type machine takeover?
If you like this, try: the first two “Terminator” movies
Posted on June 25, 2015 at 5:22 pm
“Subtle” is not a word that naturally comes to mind for a movie that features a bong in the shape of male genitalia (which is more powerful — the longing for weed or the ew-factor of a straight guy who does not want to appear to be sucking on a dong-shaped bong)? Or for a movie that shows us a fertility clinic accident drenching a character with an output of said body part, followed by a joke insulting African-American men and those with a genetic ailment. A trifecta!
The raunch-fest “Ted 2” does indeed rely on gross-out, juvenile, misogynistic, homophobic, racist, marijuana-philic, oh-no-they-didn’t humor, though much of it is more humor-ish, fake-funny, outrageousness pretending to be comedy. It spends most of its running time, too long at almost two hours, on jokes about bodily parts and functions, drugs, the joys of slackerdom, and pratfalls, which I admit pretty much sums up my least favorite kind of comedy. So if the two examples above strike you as hilarious, kick my rating up a couple of notches and go enjoy yourself.
The parts I did enjoy were the low-key, random, off-beat moments, especially in the performances of Mark Wahlberg and, briefly Liam Neeson. The gimmick may be the talking teddy bear, but the star of the film in every way is Wahlberg, who in the midst of a slob comedy gives a performance that is so precise and witty it is close to adorable.
“Ted” was an amiably crude film about a boy named Johnny who wished that his teddy bear would come alive, like Pinocchio, or the Nutcracker. Ted does come to life and decades later, John (Wahlberg) and Ted (voiced by writer/director Seth MacFarlane), are happily still best friends, enjoying the pleasures of adulthood (sex, porn, weed, beer) while happily holding on to childhood when it comes to thunderstorms and responsibility. The happy ending of course has to be unraveled for a sequel, so we begin with John now divorced from the long-time girlfriend who gently suggested he might want to grow up, and Ted getting married to his girlfriend, Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth). After a great musical production number right out of a Busby Berkeley film, we skip ahead a year, and find Ted and Tami-Lynn bickering to the point of not speaking to one another. So, of course they decide to have a baby. This requires the assistance of a fertile male human. Ted’s first choice is, of course, Tom Brady, so he and John come up with a plan to obtain a sample without Brady’s finding out.
It does not end well, so John volunteers to provide the sample himself, leading to the scene described above. That does not work out well, either, so they try adoption, which brings Ted’s situation to the attention of the authorities. Apparently, one has to be human to adopt a child. Ted is classified as property, and is thus ineligible to adopt, work, or even be married. This being America, they find a lawyer (Sam L. Jackson — get it? played by a very game Amanda Seyfried) to go to court and have Ted declared human. This leads to a thoughtful exploration of existential ontology.
Kidding! It’s just a series of dumb situations and dumb jokes made by dumb characters in various locations, including the aforesaid fertility clinic, courtroom, and very lovely home of Tom Brady, plus a pot farm and New York Comic-Con. Giovanni Ribisi returns as the demented Donny, who conspires with the head of Hasbro (did they really consent to product placement in this film) to kidnap Ted because, oh, who cares. Certainly not MacFarlane, who makes no attempt at any kind of storyline or character. He just throws in a gross joke, pop culture shout-out, or surprise cameo (the cast of SNL! Some “Star Trek” actors! Liam Neeson, who clearly did not learn anything from his appearance in “A Million Ways to Die in the West!” Patrick Warburton in a Tick costume!) instead. Neeson is wonderful. Wahlberg is terrific. But not enough to overcome the movie’s limp, puerile, vapidity.
NOTE: Stay all the way to the end of the credits for an extra scene.
Parents should know that this film has constant very strong language with crude and explicit sexual references, sexual situations, drinking, extensive drug use, comic peril, and violence. Some of the humor is intentionally offensive. Some is is just offensive. See the thoughtful discussion of the racist themes and jokes by Wesley Morris in Grantland.
Family discussion: Is Ted human? Who should decide?
If you like this, try: “Ted” and “Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle”
